the Controversial Committee Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”
"Is Change Coming?"
Well, dear readers, Dylan Westie, Executive editor/Part-time wordsmith and Social Media Troll for the CCR, completes his summer hiatus, of assisting downtrodden tax payers, next week.
While it will take at least a week of canine decompression to get back into the swing of sniffing out Torofeca spread all over the city by QueenB VD, he insisted on submitting one more rendering of his paw-typed chronicles.
However, being aware of the upcoming animal ordinance revisions dealing with chickens, Dylan wonders which council members will "chicken out" and leave all his feathery friends in a lurch, or deported to the harsh environs of rural areas. Rumor has it some council members want to build a chicken wire wall fence around the entire city. If that wasn't bad enough, the council expects Col. Sanders pay for this wall fence.
As previously stated, this entire travesty of bureaucratic droppings was propelled by just a couple of ‘whiners’ who just didn’t like the sound of roosters crowing in the morning. To put this in current political speak, the minority rules when scratching barnyard gravel over the majority. How sad!
Dylan’s position on the chicken ordinance has remained the same. He supports those individuals who want to keep their roosters within city confines. And for those who agree with him, he has established the following for twitter use: #RoosterConjugalVisitsMatter.
Jump off your perch and flock to the city council meeting on July 21, 2016. Let the city council hear you crow your utter discontent with changing something which had no rhyme or reason to be changed in the first place!
With that, continue on reading for another installment of matters concerning the national political scene as seen from the canine perspective.
……………………………Mark Holbrook
Dylan’s Ruffings
(A canine guide to bliss)
(Everything you wanted to know about sex humans, but was afraid to bark)
(You can eat it…even if it smells bad)
"Is Change Coming?"
There is one subject which I do not enter into while lounging around getting my back scratched by either the Master or the Boss Lady...especially, if both of them are in the same room.
In my household, political discussions (especially on the national level) can often be like mixing together: oil and water; the Rolling Stones and Bette Midler; or a Chihuahua and a St. Bernard in heat.
A previous presidential election was a classic example of divergent political opinions causing the sofa, where I was entrenched in slumber, to shake as great as a 3.9 on the Richter scale .
The Boss Lady sided with my two human-siblings and voted for “change.” (I think they are still waiting for this change to occur!) The Master, on the other hand, held his nose and voted for the squishy conservative candidate who would never challenge the TelePrompter-impaired, inexperienced “community organizer.”
Boy, did some of these discussions warm the den. It was almost as if former VP Al Gore declared the room a global warming hot spot and set up a lemonade stand to pimp his new book titled "I Invented Sliced Bread and the Morse Code!
If I could change the political bent of these two providers of my substance, it would be to make them more like me...a “Conservable.”
For the learning impaired, a genuine canine Conservable has all the fiscal traits of a conservative and several of the atilt leanings of a liberal…all wrapped into one huge bundle of fur.
As a Conservable, I believe in working hard for my treats which is tantamount to not expecting someone to dole them out…free of any effort on my part. Sitting up, begging, giving the sad eyes look, and cold nose nuzzles on the legs are acceptable activities when seeking a Bacon Bites® reward. For me, this is considered gainful employment...not the solicitation of handouts.
As previously mentioned above, my atilt leanings also allow me to take full responsibility for all my actions…including any accidental carpet stains which might result if the Boss Lady or Master fail to heed my request for an outdoor nature-calling excursion.
Bottom line: If I did it, then I’m canine Conservable enough to admit it and take responsibility. I don’t ever attempt to pass this off to another canine who may have previously lived in this house, or loudly bark some Torofeca protest while pointing the paw at another canine…particularly, Roo my Mexican rat dog cousin.
Additionally, my support is very strong for the role of all my bitches when it comes to birth control and family planning. Spade and neutering are vitally important for pack control. If left unchecked, then we could end up with Heinz 57s flooding the neighborhood looking for free handouts or mugging the Master or Boss Lady when they go down to pick up the mail or morning paper.
Finally, I am working with a few of my fellow canines to have the US constitution changed. It seems the human politicos aren’t doing a very good job of running this country. Some politicos are more interested in which restrooms folks can utilize than they are the alarming rate of dark cell terrorist organizations. Disgusting!
Isn’t it time the constitution was changed and we elected someone with real fur on their body to bring a more gentile sense of order to D.C. and the country? Isn’t doing what is right for the entire pack and humankind what the USA should really be about?
Wouldn’t a fresh set of paws, inhabiting the Oval Office, be the first step? A canine Conservable movement could be the tonic America needs to cure the political malaise which currently infects the voting public.
If the Conservable movement gets off the ground, then here is a working logo to consider: "Scratch my head and I’ll scratch your back." See, this is just like what the politicos do now, but without the exchange of campaign donations to buy votes, Sugar Daddy string pullers, or single source cronies.
Most likely, national order and pride could be restored and chaos eliminated in the country. The noticeable changes brought by a Conservable running the country would be: the genetic attributes of canines vs. Ivy League pinheads; canine incisors vs. geezer false teeth to take a real bite out of terrorism; and barking with real authority vs. appeasement babble which does little to resolve issues.
Perhaps, the time might be right to take the advice of several pack running mates and dust off my "almost" mayor of Irving political signs to join the current presidential fray before it is too late. How does #DylanWestieforPrez sound?
If this should happen, voters will know two things about my campaign: 1) My fur is original and not a comb over; and 2) I have never lied about e-mails on my secret, private and undisclosed servers.
………………………………………..Dylan Westie
as told to
Mark Holbrook
Late Breaking News: On July 18, 2016 the Irving ISD school board will be taking action which affects your taxes paid. Here’s Dylan’s tweet and the link to the DMN article by Eline de Bruijn, Irving’s current reporter of record, for more detailed information.
Tweet:
Dylan Westie @DylanWestie1 Jul 17
Irving ISD temporary (?) tax ^ (increase) sounds good,but board action DOES NOT bind future boards when property values later ^ (increase)!
Link:
Irving ISD wants to swap tax rate pennies for an extra $10 million, if voters approve
Irving ISD could get an extra $10 million in state funding — some earmarked for teacher salary increases — if voters OK a temporary increase in the tax rate.
