Monday, February 27, 2012

ER #34: Shocking Results

City Hall Elevator Rumblings #34

Rider #1: Well, tax paying citizens didn’t fare well at the last council meeting. While most knew the non-binding referendum on the Entertainment Center wouldn’t pass, the council -- at least six of them -- unloaded a ton of fluffy spin in their attempt to placate the group. I guess most of the folks in the audience hadn’t figured the ‘secret seats’ these six council members sit in would actually determine the voting results.

Rider #2: What? Secret seats?! This is news to me. What type of secret seats do six members of the council have?

Rider #1: Keep this to yourself, but six members of the council have seats that have been specially wired by the Las Colinas Group. The seats are activated when the topic is the Entertainment Center. An electrical charge will zap the six council member's posteriors to ensure they are alert and on message with LCG needs. If they deviate from LCG talking points, then the voltage can be increased to regain their attention. At the same time, a special WiFi controls their lap top computers and the screens reflect the comments they should be making. Once a favorable vote has been taken on an LCG item, their lap tops note how much has been deposited into their campaign finance accounts, and they get a certificate for a congratulatory hug and two additional liters of Kool-Aid from ex-mayor Gears for a job well done.

Rider #2: Wow. Who knew. This explains everything. And all this time I thought it was the Kool-Aid that LCG provided that controlled all their actions.

Rider #1: No, the Kool-Aid is given before meetings or public appearances. The Kool-Aid has the addictive and sedative powers to keep their minds foggy to reality and actually understanding the financial pitfalls of the Entertainment Center. If you noticed at the non-binding referendum meeting, the six council members didn’t deviate from their talking points and never addressed the severe shortcomings of attempting to finance $170 million in bonds for the $250 million Entertainment Center.

Rider #2: Now that you mention it, all the pieces fall into place. This city is being run by six automatons addicted to mind numbing Kool-Aid and electrical shock. Is this how the city manager has managed to control the group when discussions are about McDougalville in the Heritage District?

Rider #1: No, he and the other members of the Lubbock Mafia just use Louisville slugger bats across council kneecaps to get their attention for what he wants. While not as clean or precise, the desired results are still achieved. And this ‘green’ method conserves energy!

A note from counsel: These “candid” elevator conversations have been injected with fabricated nouns, verbs, adjectives, conjunctions, adverbs, modifiers and maybe a few dangling participles….Mark Holbrook