Tuesday, April 17, 2012

ZAP! #85: Pie Marketing

ZAP! #85

It had to happen. With all the money that the Las Colinas Group, their associates (chamber and special interest groups) and shills are floating around the city, staff of the CCR just had to ask: “Where’s our piece of this money pie!”

Seriously, if the LCG can fund a ‘study’* in support of their efforts to elect an incumbent council member (Stopfer) and other candidates (Mahoney and Bonilla) who might do their bidding, staff of the CCR can certainly produce a study that would guarantee results that would also be eye-opening to voters this election season. Especially, since a major vote on the Entertainment Center might occur after the election.

To show our support of the $250 million Entertainment Center, the CCR will conduct an economic impact study of the center for the LCG pro bono. If they like our results, we wouldn’t be adverse to accepting $175,000 in chump change for our efforts. After all, capitalism is the tool that brings everyone to the table. Just ask some council members and candidates who blindly support this project regardless of what the city bond and financial advisors have stated.

When our study is completed, the CCRs highly paid PR hack, Dylan Westie, will hold a press conference to let all the property tax paying voters know that you can trust him as the report findings are the TRUTH. He will only tell you what you want to hear and will even invite elected officials who support his efforts to smile and praise the report at the press conference.

As a preview of how ‘successful’ the Entertainment Center will be with the current financial model and the ‘minor’ economic development hickey it could place on all tax payers, the CCR will leak some of the results to hopefully assist undecided voters. The CCR study should reflect that:

  • Irving tax payers will have to pay more for lipstick to make the Entertainment Center financial hog look pretty.
  • The sun will start rising in the West, thereby not casting a shadow on the humongous increase in city debt.
  • All bonded debt repayment will involve Peter and Paul, LLC, since they are familiar with robbing each other.
  • Future decades of Irving kids will appreciate working longer and harder to pay higher property taxes for entertainment in the city. (Attendance by tax payers at these events is optional and there will be no ticket discounts.)
  • City maintenance workers will enlarge the size of the city’s 'financial pockets' to allow the developer easier access to funds.
  • No incumbent or current council candidate aligned with the LCG was harmed conducting this study.
  • 4,000 new jobs will be created to park cars in open fields, pick up trash in Lake Caroline and recycle beer bottles and soda cans.
  • DART will provide special passes to the new Convention Center station for all Dallas muggers coming to events at the Entertainment Center.
  • Just because anticipated revenues might not cover all expenses of the Entertainment Center project does not mean that it isn’t a good marketing plan...even if the P. T. Barnum voter-comfort index is used.

See how easy it is to be a consultant and tell folks exactly what they want to hear. Being a consultant is actually better than being a political shill...even though the pay could probably be about the same.

...............Mark Holbrook

* 4-17-12 DMN article regarding LCG ‘study’ of Entertainment Center economic impact.