(Inside the president’s mind documenting what he really isn’t saying.)
What’s going on? Just when I thought that I had some traction going in this re-election campaign, another tooth is stripped from the pandering-gear wheel.
We had that weasel senate candidate from Missouri, Todd Akins, on the ropes for his asinine and stupid comment regarding rape victims. Our PR campaign hacks translated all this to mean Republicans, in general, were insensitive to women’s issues. After all, Republicans want to put women back in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant and then reinforce the glass ceiling with bullet proof panes. Folks were actually starting to believe these flaky talking points.
And the beauty of all this? This flimsy campaign rhetoric forced Romney/Ryan to respond to the dumb statements by Akins and kept them from pounding my miserable record. They were not able to point out that unemployment is approaching 9%, no job stimulus funds have created jobs and the federal deficit might as well be on a lunar launch...it’s out of this world. They were telling all the middle-class drones that the only ‘Change’ they would be getting with four more years of me was <$0.13> on the dollar. Now that’s progress in the right direction, I think.
Now look at what has happened. The Republican convention is going to take a swipe at the Democrat’s achievement on women’s issues and devote a full evening to exploring our record. One of my moles has indicated that on opening night, there will be a PowerPoint presentation and guest panel discussing: “Democrats Love Women More Than You.” The panel will be composed of Jennifer Flowers, Monica Lewinsky and Paula Jones. Each panel member will relate how a Democrat president, Bill Clinton, really loved women’s issues more than Republicans, gave women a lot of face time and pumped up their morale. After all, what better example of a Democrat’s concern for women’s issues is there beyond Bill Clinton? Cuban cigars will be passed out after the panel presentation and Q and A.
When the above panel discussion is over, a new panel will highlight the record of women’s issues by Sen. Al “I Stole The Election” Franken from Minnesota who once performed comedy skits on SNL. He will discuss how he once fantasized about wanting to rape news correspondent Lesley Stahl. If folks thought that the Akins remarks were a sick joke, wait until they hear the comedy routines that Franken has added to the rape discussions.
What makes all this troublesome for me is that more and more of the voters are starting to take a serious look at my divisive campaign tactics, bogus issues and dismal record. That’s ironic. On the fund raising stumps, I never mention my record! And I certainly don’t lay out any plans (old or new) for improving the economy, the country-sinking federal deficit, putting folks back to work, or how anything will be different than what it is now if I’m re-elected. This works for me.
Don’t folks realize that the status quo is what I have been pushing for? Don’t they understand that if the government is running their lives they don’t have to work, worry about their ‘freebies’ being cut or do anything more than watch TV, eat free cheese, have babies and cash entitlement checks? And the most important thing is that maintaining the status quo allows me to spend more time on the golf course, hanging with pro athletes and be in California with my Hollywood buddies who also don’t know the meaningful definition of real work.
Look, how can we become more “social” if we start making folks become responsible for their actions? Isn’t capitalism and the greatness of America just a wayward pipe dream that needs to be quelled? This is what Rev Wright taught me. And who could forget, my good friend, Bill Ayers’ effective methods to implement this type of action plan.
And if I’m re-elected, my new motto for the final four years of serving as king president will be: “To each according to his ability, to each according to his need.” Now, doesn’t that have a resounding ring in your ears? I know it does in mine. And if I’m real lucky, it can come to pass!