(Inside the president’s mind documenting what he really isn’t saying.)
The Democrat convention is going to be great. I think I finally have Romney on the ropes. Look, spending over a $410 million on grossly negative campaign ads to paint him in the corner of a Swiss bank while outsourcing jobs to Taiwan was just the push that I needed...even if the ads were not truthful. Maybe now, I can cut back to only six fund raisers per day and hit the links for a few more rounds of golf.
….OOPS! Carney and Plouffe just informed me that the $410 million spent on negative attack ads actually dropped my poll numbers three points. That’s okay, since I’ve already thought of another slogan to push me back up to the top. I believe that if I change slogans every week, then the short attention span of voters will cause them to think that this was the campaign theme all along.
My new buzz slogan for the campaign will be: Re-elect the Master Builder.
This will respond to my groundbreaking, landmark quote of: “If you’ve got a business...you didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen.” See how well this will tie in with my new image?
Get it? Master, like in The One (that’s Me) and Builder since anything and everything that is good comes from the government (Me). This slogan will push my major agenda of class warfare -- with my deep desire of crushing capitalistic endeavors -- over the top.
This slogan has got to work, because Plouffe tells me that some of my old support groups are starting to look at me like I’m just another sleazy politician. How could they?
After all that I have given them in free cheese, clunker car removal and Chicago ‘walking money’ for their votes? What do these folks want...jobs, lower debt and a proud America?
Plouffe says that the following groups are waining in their support due to all the yammering during my daily campaign fund raisers...taken at tax payer expense. His list of those shying away from me:
Catholics: They don’t like their institutions having to fund contraceptions under ObamaCare.
Black preachers: They don’t like my endorsing same sex marriage.
Military: They are still not happy with my repealing ‘don’t ask, don’t tell.’
Jews: They don’t like my snubbing Israel by kowtowing to all Middle East Islamists.
Labor Unions: They want more than the ownership that I gave them in GM.
Trial Lawyers: They want the feds to crunch all the big, nasty corporate powers into submission.
Teacher Unions: They want more money, more benefits and fewer performance reviews.
Look guys. I can’t campaign on my miserable record, jobs creation, debt reduction, less governmental intrusion or that I actually accomplished something these past four years. You know that. I have to create straw dogs and scapegoats to confuse undecided voters and rally all my Kool-Aid sipping supporters.
If you get behind me on this class warfare rampage, crushing capitalism and trampling entrepreneurial spirit, we can have four more years of Me increasing entitlements (stuff for you) and making sure Big Brother wakes you in the morning and puts you to sleep each evening. Isn’t that what you want? The Master Builder taking care of your every need or want?
Together we can build an America that even the framers of the Constitution wouldn’t recognize. That’s my promise. Are you onboard for this "social" event?