Wednesday, December 4, 2013

CCR 12-04-13: Pop the Cork

the   Controversial  Committee   Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”

     Let’s get this party started!  A New Year is dawning on the horizon and staff of the CCR cannot wait to unwrap the package!  

     Spilling into 2013 was a plethora of contentious issues, significant financial mishaps and in-the-gutter political infighting…and that was just at Irving city council meetings.  Staff of the CCR even had to hire some part-time personnel to assist in butchering all the sacred cows that were herded through the council chambers during 2013.

     Short of being a banner year, 2013 will long be remembered as the year the citizens witnessed: the mayor tandem jumping out of a plane for the quickest route to a microphone and camera; a record 9 lb. Bass being caught in the TG Sink Hole (present construction site for the new library); Malcomb Baldrige making a rare “appearance” (hologram) at city hall to present an “award” for the most trees destroyed to print an annual city budget; the Community Development department providing property, renovation funds and a waiver of monthly rents for the establishment of the Cajun Zydeco Rub-board Musicians of Texas Museum; Walt Disney Co. considering the razing and redevelopment of the entire Heritage District for a Geezer theme park, but cancelled plans when OSHA stated that Medicare would not cover injuries attributable to the Walker-Coaster ride; in conjunction with D/FW/AA Really Big and International Airport, provided $100 million in tax relief to a developer for the construction of single family homes adjacent to the airport’s Terminal E; an emergency contingency plan adopted by the council, in case ARK should sink, to erect a Robert Tilton revival tent as a tourist attraction for the urban center; protesting Michele Obama’s zucchini diet for plus size politicos, food truck drivers barred entry to city hall demanding space to serve their cholesterol laden cuisine at the Clock Tower; approved an ordinance supporting bingo ladies to designate the Betcha’ Bingo parlor a “historical landmark” free of arbitrary  and capricious zoning changes; clarified a city ordinance to ban front door mats on all residential homes to eliminate sporting ducats from being placed under them; resolved the Irving Blvd. street light luminance-issue when the council approved a contract with Atmos Energy to replace the solar powered lights with natural gas lights; with the pending closing of the North Lake Natatorium, the council approved the Irving ISD swim teams to practice at the senior citizens center pool during the senior water ballet sessions. 

     Notwithstanding the above, 2014 could reflect great promise...for one reason only: It is an even number and doesn’t have a thirteen in it.

     To assist CCR readers and others in monitoring the New Year, staff of the CCR polled your elected politicos to see what they would be doing to make 2014 a better year for Irving’s history.  Understand, these are not New Year’s resolutions.  To a politico, a New Year’s resolution has the same weight and effect as a campaign promise...rhetoric meant to appease and be broken at a later and more appropriate time.

     Here’s what your leaders on the city council had to offer to make 2014 a banner year: mayor BVD - plans to bungee jump into all meetings in order to be on time; Dennis Webb - will provide new clarity when speaking at the council dais to let folks know if he is speaking as a council member, preacher or fireman; Brad LeMargese - will not leave home without his BVD talking points; Gerald Farris - will shorten his self-justifications, when discussing both sides of every issue, to only share his opinion when speaking;  Joe Putnam - will take copious notes for his future memoir, “How To Herd Cats Who They Think They Are Alpha Dogs;”  Alan Meagher - will ensure his iPhone is in text messaging mode to receive instantaneous instructions and updates from his campaign benefactor on agenda items; Rose Cannaday - will enroll in the mini-Dale Carnegie speaking course to sharpen her ability to limit self-aggrandizement to three minutes on all issues; Tom Spink - will be unrecognizable due to the botox injections implanting a perpetual Cheshire cat grin on his face; John Danish - will sweep aside any rubble remaining from the 2014 mayoral campaign with the expectation of his running in 2017…”say it isn’t so, Joe.”*

     On second thought, 2014 could be almost as unnerving as 2013 was scary and problem infested.  However, there is one caveat that could alter this notion...the interim city manager, Steve McCullough.  Having been around the block a few times and never fallen off of a turnip truck, he is capable of sorting through all the politico self-serving rhetoric and political ego-scuffles by actually knowing what the best interest of the community might be.  For this reason alone, the city is in very capable hands to move forward from the wasteful period that strangled forward momentum and created fiscal mismanagement issues.

     When McCullough completes his reviewing of the ex-city manager’s ‘lock box’ of squirreled away ‘special interest/project’ funds, then residents can rest easy knowing that the city’s ship of state has hoisted its spinnaker and is on course for sailing in the right direction.

…………………..Mark Holbrook

* in Babe Ruth commenting on the “Shoeless” Joe Jackson scandal.