the Controversial Committee Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”
“Clicking Is Risky”
Warning
The US Surgeon General will soon consider issuing the following public service warning for all individuals who use computers, smart phones, or any other social media device:
The Internet Is Hazardous To Your Health
Reports, research and first hand accounts have clearly demonstrated the use of the Internet and various social media platforms have, and can cause serious health risks.
Internet Health Risks
- Sad divorces when spouses’ read your text messages, or review your GPS locations
- Shameful suffering when a recipient receives your e-mail — in error — regarding their need to lose weight…which was also sent to many others
- Rejected emotional ability to find accurate information — based on your political philosophy — using Google search
- Robot Twitter-migraines designed to humiliate you for your political views, or opinions
- A mental rash caused by an avalanche of bullying messages from local Flying Harpies on FaceBook
- Acute insomnia from posting every daily activity on your FaceBook account page
- Infectious ‘swamp disease’ when reading mainstream media reports regarding political issues
- Political character assignation, which prevents you from serving on the US Supreme Court, due to unfounded and unsubstantiated allegations
Protect Your Health
The US Surgeon General recommends you immediately disconnect and destroy all computer devices, bury your smart phone, pick up a book, and enjoy time with your family to hopefully regain your health. Additionally, following this directive might even restore a bit of your sanity due to eliminating the reading of all the obvious brain-dead posters and writers currently on social media platforms.
…………………………..Mark Holbrook
Note:
This “short” report is dedicated to the Short Attention Span Reader — IWJ.
