Sunday, February 22, 2015

CCR 02-22-15: Pinocchio Redux?

the   Controversial  Committee   Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”

   In Chief Pet Rock LaMorgese’s own words:

   "I’ve been proud to work with our great Mayor and look forward to three more years."

   For those fortunate enough not to be on Chief Pet Rock LaMorgese’s re-election mailing list, you probably haven’t seen his pledge to QueenB VDs fealty in a recent e-mail posting.  Yes, for three years now, he has been at the queen’s beck and call, voting as she dictates and shortchanging voters in Place 6 (North Irving, Hackberry Creek area) with his blind obedience.

   This verbiage of praising the queen was in addition to listing many items he had little or no direct involvement in achieving by his actions.  However, isn’t this what most politicos, especially those running for re-election, do…pump up the old resumé?

   As only CCR readers who live in this particular voting district will be able to cast a ballot in the upcoming city council election in Place 6, here’s a thought: This might be an opportune time to share CCR reports with those on your mailing list who seldom venture out of the gated areas.  

   And what about: Attend one of LaMorgese’s upcoming candidate meet and greet events, town hall session or campaign noshing to ask just how proud he really is with just these ‘tip of the iceberg’ items he followed the queen in implementing. 

   The items noted below were probably instigated and inspired by QueenB VD with LaMorgese hanging on to her royal robe’s train for the ride:

  • Meeting with developers in Las Vegas, QueenB VD returned to the city and utilized her Pet Rocks to vote and issue a memorandum of understanding to single source developer, OliverMcMillan, for the old Texas Stadium site.  And guess what?  A detailed Tennis Center option appeared in their initial presentation.  (The Texas Stadium site is the most valuable piece of property the city owns.  A tennis center on twenty-three acres of the property would be the worse land use possible.)
  • With both LaMorgese and the queen having a strong bent and interest in tennis, he voted to approve over $500,000 for the Texas Wild professional tennis events which drew very sparse crowds and did little to pump economic development funds into the city.  In fact, more tickets may have been given away than actually purchased by individual attendees.  This traveling tennis carnival recently left the city after failing to fulfill all the marketing hype, poured on the council, for the tax bucks received.  (Of course, free box seats to all the events were available for "VIP" attendees.  Photo ops were even possible.)
  • Worked to circumvent the council’s ad hoc committee’s, which was appointed by the queen, recommendations by attempting to implement a total smoking ban that could cause several businesses to close.  His ordinance amendment, which would meet the queen’s dictate of a total ban, failed and the revised ordinance passed (6-3) to allow eight businesses (of around 600 total) to be grandfathered with stronger restrictions than the previous ordinance the city was operating under.

   As staff of the CCR considers LaMorgese’s choice of words in his mailing, one surely has to wonder how he could actually be "proud" to have served the queen in the matters noted…much less classifying her actions as "great."  Really, great?  (Chicanery, a lack of transparency and if an unknown number of private meetings or conversations were held, this doesn’t bode well as being ‘great’ for Open Meeting concerns.)  

   One should really wonder if three years of sipping the queen’s spiked Tea and eating conservative red meat might have permanently altered his brain synapses.

   His actions and votes certainly lack independence of thought, consideration for what is in the best interest of the city and basically could be performed in the same manner as Geppetto pulling the marionette strings on Pinocchio.

   Which leads staff of the CCR to wonder: Does LaMorgese’s nose grow at every upcoming campaign event when QueenB VD is lurking behind the curtains pulling his strings?

………………………Mark Holbrook 


Saturday, February 21, 2015

CCR 02-21-15: 6 to 3 = Dethroned?

the   Controversial  Committee   Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”

   Hopefully, this will be the last posting on QueenB VDs failed attempt to circumvent the city council (via initiative and referendum)  and impose a total smoking ban in Irving.  However, there are a few take away notes which should be made concerning the final 6-3 vote to adopt the ordinance which allowed the grandfathering of the BINGO hall and eight restaurants.

   While the length of this report will provide additional details, Dylan Westie, Executive Editor and Part-time Wordsmith for the CCR, seemed to capture QueenB VDs self-made ordinance-circus with three short tweets.  He noted:

*  Throne Games: Sausage Wars pits Prince Corpulent vs. QueenB (Irving mayor) for control of stogies & butts in her dysfunctional realm tonight!

*  Isn’t QueenB (Irving mayor) just a Tea Party poser wanting more govt. intrusion into businesses w/her personal political ploy smoking ban??!

*  QueenBs (Irving mayor) steeping Tea Party personal-political-ploy & total smoking ban media-pageant badly scalds her ego with vote failure!!

   By observing the meeting, listening to the positions staked out  by council members and certainly tuning-in to word choices uttered, several factors were obvious:

QueenB VD:  She doesn’t like to lose.  Really, doesn’t like to lose!  And this was clearly demonstrated by her comments before the final vote was taken.  Knowing her total ban was going to be flushed, she was more strident than she has been on any other issue to come before the council.  The scowl on her face said it all and cranked out 2,000 words with one photo op pic.

   Other than her being disingenuous, demeaning and maybe a tad dishonest, she basically attacked all those who opposed her dictate.  Seriously, look at her summation comment to the audience.  This will assist in understanding the full measure of her petulance.  She stated: "a silly, ridiculous ordinance."  What? She actually said this?  (You can bet the farm on it!)

   Of course, it was a silly, ridiculous ordinance…only because it was not the ordinance she wanted to have passed!  

   Perhaps, the queen has forgotten the Irving City council decides issues based on the democratic process of the majority rules…not the self-anointed regal rule as she would want to have and enforce.

   Additionally, the queen’s carriage was zipping all around the metroplex as she intoned her "I’m only trying to save Irving" spiel for radio/TV red meat talk-jabberers (Glen Beck and Mark Davis, or any TV station she could con into believing she was doing this for the city).  Not mentioned was that her actions were designed as a ploy to put a ‘gold star’ on her political resumé should a total smoking ban accidentally pass.  

   Also, she managed to let a ream of misinformation, regarding her ‘saving’ Irving from Sharia law, filter into all the Tea Party press outlets during this time to further shine a spotlight on herself while making Irving look rather foolish…locally and on a national level.

   (Isn’t it amazing how all these red meat orators continue to take a politicos spin and attempt to turn their self-aggrandizing promotion into fact?) 

   Of course, she did pick up a couple of nice Hollywood-ish style photo ops during all these self-promotion activities.

   The queen even chose to clash with the ad hoc committee, which she appointed, simply because the final recommendations did not comply with her dictates of wanting a total smoking ban.  And mustering duplicitous red T-shirt fans with unscientific surveys, Flying Harpies and the city’s health board participation in her ploy, she managed to cause even more ego inflation in her losing battle.

   Browbeating fellow council members has become a trademark for the queen.  Especially, when the individuals take a position opposed to hers.

   There is only one road in the queen’s kingdom and she wants to have total control over who gets to travel on it.  She has taken the word for "TEAM" effort and discarded the T and M…which, of course, for all the Aggies on the readership list leaves "ME."  And this fits her modus operandi perfectly…it’s all about her.

   The end result of all this will probably be the queen reverting to her former council persona where she was against any and everything which was not proposed or supported by her.  Not having a majority on the council could witness her having a Lazarus reincarnation for a newly deposed Irving queen of the realm…the Queen of Negativity!  
Pet Rocks:  In the 6-3 vote to adopt the new ordinance, two Pet Rocks (Farris and Ward)  appeared to have been successfully detoxed before voting on this issue.  While some might suggest this is a major fracture in the queen’s collection of mindless stones, it is too early to tell if this could be a permanent schism.

   This vote on the smoking ordinance represents the second time in recent meetings that Ward has veered from the queen’s courtly dictate by doing what was best for the city.  While not for certain, one might suspect he received a royal tongue lashing after this straying from the crown.  

   One can only imagine what the queen and her flock of Flying Harpies are considering for Ward for his not succumbing to the queen’s total smoking ban.

   As for Farris…staff of the CCR is still not sure if he knows or even realizes how or why he voted in favor of the new ordinance.  This is true when one considers the inane, humorous and foolish amendment he attempted to attach to the ordinance.  

   Seriously, he wanted the ordinance to specify that any facility currently allowing smoking would have to remove the REQUIRED smoking ventilation equipment after a specified period of time.  In essence, he was attempting to accomplish what Pet Rock LaMorgese wanted…a sly move towards a total ban in five years.  

   Thankfully, other council members understood the hilarity of his proposal and it did not even garner a second.  Therefore, his whimsical proposal was not even voted on.  (Maybe, he hadn’t detoxed enough and was still attempting to remain in the queen’s good graces with this ill fated motion.)

   Of course, two Pet Rocks (LaMorgese and Spink) sipped the queen’s spiked Kool-Aid to the bitter end…as expected.  

   And this wasn’t surprising as LaMorgese rarely, if ever, crosses the queen.  If it ever appears he might be at odds with her and actually attempting to do what he was elected to do (independent thinking and what is best for the city), chances are this is just a ruse orchestrated by the queen.

   This would be true if his amendment to the ordinance had taken wings.  LaMorgese wanted to impose a stated time frame for when the current grandfathered businesses would have to curtail all smoking to come into compliance with the new ordinance.  

  The result of this action would mean the queen’s dictate of a total ban would be secured…much like Farris’ ill conceived proposal which was the LaMorgese amendment with a comical coat of paint.  Of course, LaMorgese’s amendment also failed.  

   LaMorgese is always rewarded by the QueenB VD for his blind fealty with free milk shakes and pie while hanging on her skirt hems during all his re-election efforts.  This re-election campaigning duo could be Irving’s version of the first know case of co-joined politicos!  

   (By following the queen’s entourage, you also get LaMorgese.  Many believe it is time to pare the queen’s voting entourage down a couple notches.  And staff of the CCR would be in total agreement with this proposition.)  

   As far as Spink is concerned, he remained true to form…basically silent, sipping the queen’s spiked brew and never blinking.  While everyone knew his position on the ordinance, voters were actually shortchanged as to his actual rationale for following the queen’s dictates and wanting to force established businesses into possibly closing down.  In politics, silence is not a virtue.  (Plus, by not voicing an opinion, there are no ‘cats to kick’ by the CCR when Spink doesn’t utter anything.)

non-Pet Rocks:  Those who approved the smoking ordinance did exactly what was needed for the city at this time…strengthen the ordinance that was on the books.  And for those who really care, the new ordinance is much stronger and restrictive than the previous one.  Kudos to the council members approving the new ordinance.  

   Putnam gave an accurate, historical and detailed fact driven presentation of the evolution of the smoking ordinance in Irving.  The only thing lacking, from what the queen wanted, was that the ordinance did grandfather some existing businesses.  And when one looks at the businesses grandfathered, there really is no reason or cause for alarm by anyone.  The new ordinance is much stouter than what was on the books.

   Remember, the businesses which were grandfathered comply with the existing ordinance and have all the necessary items in place to segregate smoking patrons from non-smoking patrons.  In anyones book, this should be a win/win…at least for everyone except the queen.

   In summary:  A major political grandstanding defeat for QueenB VD; a significant win for those attempting to do what is right for Irving and the business and dining community which supports 70+% of the tax base; and a definite win for cracking the veneer of a self-serving, image promoting mayor who must have political ambitions (to regale Tea Party red meat jihadist?) beyond her mayoral responsibilities.  

   Without a doubt, the queen promoting a national political agenda as the driving force for her Irving actions circumvents what she was elected to do and what is needed by the city…serve Irving first.

………………………Mark Holbrook

PostScript:  In a final act of desperation, QueenB VD surrendered the ball to the city’s health board chairman and his two accomplices in her total smoking ban plot, so he could take it home.  

Note:  For those who want to read non-biased accounts of these proceedings sans CCR barbs and digs, the links to the DMN, reporter Avi Selk’s publications follows:

Sunday, February 15, 2015

CCR 02-15-15: The Nausea Postings

the   Controversial  Committee   Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”

   The spinning cycle has started!  Are you reeling yet?

   No more Sunday football.  Who really watches hockey, anyway? And baseball is about as slow as listening to Pet Rock Farris spin a ‘both sides of the issue’ whine before voting as the queen dictates.  What’s a person to do to fill this void of valuable time?

   May the CCR staff suggest you shift gears and pop the clutch for the upcoming city council elections?  Look, candidate packets are flying out of city hall as quickly as QueenB VD zips from one photo op to another photo op. 

  The list of retread, has been, or genuine-value candidates is growing and will certainly give voters several options in all the upcoming races.  And this election season could determine if regal rule succumbs to common sense elected officials who conduct the city’s business properly.

   In a later edition of the report, CCR staff will identify all of the candidates and share salient points as to why you should or should not consider voting for them.  Of course, the decision is always yours, but a large number of voters don’t have a clue and end up selecting an individual based on slick brochures, the ravings of misinformed Kool-Aid sippers, or postings on social media sites.  

   And this is today’s lesson…how to actually interpret fact from fiction when candidates post their unvarnished, self-aggrandizing verbiage on social media sites: FaceBook and Twitter

   As a base line for this study, we’ll use one candidate’s, Brad LaMorgese, postings on social media as he is running for re-election.

   Many of you may already know LaMorgese as being QueenB VDs Chief Pet Rock, but don’t let this blind your thoughts on how he will attempt to re-make himself as the public servant necessary for Irving to succeed in the future…using his own words here which were probably scripted by NBC news fabricator, Brian Williams.

   Cutting through all the spin and political rhetoric, the following is what happens when the following LaMorgese postings are run through the CCRs Torofeca filter.  (And if you still don’t have a Torofeca filter, they are available in the CCRs Gift Shop for $19.95.)

Twitter (12-29-15):  @BradLaMorgese

BLaM: After much reflection, prayer, and encouragement, I have decided to run for re-election to the Irving City Council in District 6.

(CCR: While not for certain [as if anyone is], we could accurately state, with a very high degree of probability, god is not going to be taking sides in any Irving City council election efforts.  And pointing to the sky on election day also carries little weight in determining the final outcome of the voters.)

BLaM: It has been a privilege and a true pleasure to serve the residents of Irving for the past 3 years and I ask for your vote for 3 more.

(CCR: Oops! This might be a classic mistake by reflecting he has served the residents of Irving.  Most would conclude he swore total fealty to QueenB VD (and her family) and has been serving her every misguided interest for the past three years.  Serving the residents of Irving would infer he has been using independent thinking and common sense to arrive at critical decisions affecting the city.  Few have seen him act in this manner.)

BLaM: During my past term, Irving has come a long way, as one of the fastest growing, safest cities in America.

(CCR: Actually, physical growth of Irving has no direct correlation to his being on the council.  Unless, of course, he contributes this growth and his participation of kowtowing to the queen’s major northern developers who were provided magnanimous tax incentives/breaks/rebates and infrastructure perks, which amounted to millions and millions and millions of tax dollars.  What city couldn’t expand with those benefits dolled out at tax payer expense?  Oh, ‘beautiful downtown Irving’ might even expand if his attention had been more focused there.  However, it is hard to see ‘beautiful downtown Irving from Hackberry Creek…unless you are Sarah Palin.)

BLaM: I would like to continue that positive growth and serve Irving for three more years.

(CCR: Ahem!  This must be another typo.  By being the Chief Pet Rock for QueenB VD, he has had a more negative influence on council actions by virtue of his votes and following queenly dictates.  Of course, like most politicos, he hopes voters have forgotten all his prior actions and votes taken on the Entertainment Center, single source developers, waiving conflict of interest for cronies, smoking ban ordinance and a host of other queenly directed issues he so obediently followed.)

BLaM: Thank you and I’m looking forward to the election on May 9, 2015.

(CCR: So is staff of the CCR!  Especially, the photo op sessions when QueenB VD injects her persona and her Flying Harpy flock into his re-election efforts.  This aspect of a sitting mayor actively campaigning for a sitting council member (or school board member) originated and was initiated by the queen.  Prior to her arrival on her self-appointed throne, sitting members of the council did not inject themselves in races of other sitting council members.  And LaMorgese, riding the queen’s skirt hems for possible votes, demonstrates his weak, go-along-to-get-along campaign effort which bears little substance for independent thinking or demonstrating he is actually serving Irving citizens.)

FaceBook (2-4-15): Brad LaMorgese for Irving City Council, Place 6 *

BLaM: Hard at work today: Early at the office for law work, then off to joint meeting of the Transportation and Resources Committee, then work session for City Council. Busy day!

(CCR: Wow! What an industrious little drone bee he is flitting around the queen’s hive.  However, he seemed to cut short the narrative on all his activities accomplished on this particular day.
   For the record: After the council work session he was busy polishing QueenB VDs carriage, mucking her stables, and browbeating non-Pet Rocks for talking harshly to the queen in the meeting.  Then, it was study time to memorize all the queen’s talking points for the council meeting the next evening where he would also fix a fresh batch of Kool-Aid to serve to any weak kneed Pet Rock.  Next on his agenda was kissing the queen’s ring, posing with her for campaign photo ops and then baby-sitting her kids while she took another city paid junket.  Finally, before retiring for the day, he polished the loafers of the primary Sugar Daddy contributor of the queen in hopes of obtaining a positive campaign cash flow.)

   As one might imagine, the printed word on a social media site, for a politico, should draw as much attention and suspicion as when they mail slick brochures, or blather out of both sides of their mouth at political gatherings or meetings.  The effects of both are the same, but the written word, left unchallenged, does leave an odoriferous trail unless factually reviewed and questioned. 

   And with the current state of Irving politics, citizens really deserve less political stench on the campaign trails from their anticipated elected representatives.

………………………………Mark Holbrook

  • This is the new political FaceBook account for LaMorgese.  In addition, he has a personal FaceBook account accessible only to those requesting to see the postings.  His political site probably provides more spin and less fact than his personal account.WARNING:  If you should venture to LaMorgese’s political FaceBook account, ensure you have taken ample doses of Dramamine and Meclizine hydrochloride.  This will assist in warding off all the ill effects of extreme dizziness and nausea when reading the fluffy spin of claimed accomplishments and daring deeds.  (Of course, Brian Williams would be very proud of his literary efforts.)   

Thursday, February 12, 2015

CCR 02-12-15: 50 Shades of...Depression?

the   Controversial  Committee   Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”

   Consider this another first for staff of the CCR.  Yes, the following is not a regular report, but a book review.  Listen literary-breath, we always aim to please with these missives.  And if you are too narrow minded to understand the undercurrent of what now supposedly passes as a moralistic society, then set your time machine back to the Victorian age. 

   Yes, the Hollywood septic tank of sleaze will flood local theaters this weekend screening E. L. James’ movie, the first of her trilogy series, "50 Shades of (insert your own perverted fantasy depiction)."  

   Expect Al Gore to confirm this flick as causing global warming through out the United States.  Reports have him sweating profusely, upon leaving his local theatre, which had nothing to do with his eating ghost pepper nachos. 

   As a public service, we wanted to be one leap ahead of the folks with puerile and poor taste in literature by reviewing the second tome James penned, "50 Shades of BDSM-NPD."  What makes this review important is the inspiration used was Irving’s mayor.  Now how classy can that be?  And when it comes to class and photo ops, who you gonna’ trust to lead the pack?

   Since Dylan Westie, Executive Editor and Part-time Wordsmith for the CCR, has a reading and comprehension level equal to a 3rd grader, who better fits the bill for this book review?  While the review is entirely his, we did have to explain some of the more graphic words, events and depictions contained in this provocative non-romance novel.  After all, Dylan’s current state of hormonal excitement is triggered by chasing feral cats and wondering if he will be missing any additional body parts after his next Vet visit. 

   So, dear readers of the reports, here are Dylan’s CliffsNotes™ for "50 Shades of BDSM-NPD."  Dylan also noted how the book, with a plot even a neutered canine binging on Pup-Peroni® could understand, just seemed to accurately track events and secretive activities emanating in ‘beautify downtown Irving.’

   For those who might have to take high blood pressure medications, staff of the CCR recommends you not read the following book review.  After all, we have been accused of many things in the past, but causing cardiac arrest over a book review would not be one we would want added to the list of our literary transgressions.

   If ready, let’s pull the sheets down and expose:

  A Book Review: 50 Shades of BDSM-NPD
  • Tingle as QueenB VD demonstrates public exhibitionism by leaping and parachuting from a Red Bull® airplane.
  • Cringe as Pet Rocks are placed in bondage in the Tower of Obedience for not following dictates when they included ‘grandfathers’ in the smoking ordinance swapping.
  • Feel debased as the queen openly teases earthquake whiners in a public forum while red T-shirt wearers offer no-nicotine lap dances.
  • Listen to the deep throat conversations between the queen and Pet Rocks as they set-up unsuspecting single source developers with spiked Kool-Aid to force them into submission of taking property tax rebates/deferrals.
  • See the revealing pictures of Nike® tennis wear fashion designed for the queen to wear at her Tennis Center on the old Texas Stadium site.
  • Anticipate the steamy joy as the queen has a rendezvous at the Whistle Stop depot looking for love a cold brew and singing cowboy who has no conflict of interest.
  • Unwind as the queen recites her council dominance-traits to appreciative voyeurs at the State of the Realm address.
  • Feel the shame and scorn as the queen derides those not believing her revised ethics policy can burn calories in the dark.
  • Quiver as the queen sadistically chastises councilman Webb for making eye contact while delivering his spot-on "the king queen has no clothes on" oratory.
  • Observe the triangle of submission with OliverMcMillan and Hines Reality as they plat the queen’s new and improved Bacchanal-realm.

   Unfortunately, Dylan’s notes concluded at this point as he was frothing, at the mouth, like he had been bitten by a rabid squirrel.  And that’s a shame, since he still had forty more shades to document and color.

   Without a doubt, this second bordello novel by James will garner as much attention as the first seemed to manage…causing one to wonder when the written word fell into the slimy world of glorified abusiveness against women.  
…………………………Mark Holbrook


Friday, February 6, 2015

CCR 02-06-15: Brian Williams + CCR = Spot On

the   Controversial  Committee   Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”

   Always wanting to ensure the accuracy of CCR reports, staff reached out to Brian Williams, NBC Nightly News, to cover a recent Irving City council work session.  This meeting was the one where QueenB VD attempted to con and circumvent the entire city council by proposing a total citywide smoking ban be enacted via having an "election."

   Knowing QueenB VD sometimes has issues with the local media’s coverage of her photo op sessions and meeting details, the CCR wanted a competent, trustworthy, and respected journalist to handle this thorny assignment.  And who better than Brian Williams would fit this description?  (Readers, please refrain from snickering.)  

    Following is Brian Williams’ report.  And if staff of the CCR has to be modest, this report should garner him another and the CCR their first…Peabody Award.

February 4, 2015: Dateline Irving, TX

   Brian Williams:  Good evening.  I’m reporting from ‘beautiful downtown Irving’ on an issue that pits elected officials against the queen of the realm, QueenB VD.  The queen wants a total smoking ban imposed on the city, whereas the ad hoc committee she appointed wants to grandfather several businesses currently operating legally under the city’s ordinance.   

   And this grandfathering action would not comply with dictates QueenB VD issued to Pet Rocks she placed on the committee.  So, she is now insisting voters should decide what is rightfully a decision the entire city council should make.  In the queen’s opinion, this is a simple issue, but she is having to deal with simple minds.

   The agenda item is on the table for discussion and the queen is waxing, not so eloquently, as to why her dictates should be enforced…while adding the other eight elected members of the council are just whiny simpletons who don’t know what is best for her.

QueenB VD: Listen, I’ve heard voices.  Loud voices.  Screeching voices.  And all the people behind those voices wear red T-shirts.  Just because you cannot hear or see them is no reason not to follow my dictates.  You just have to believe and trust in me.  Every place I travel, the voices state: "Please QueenB, mandate a total smoking ban and we’ll give you a red T-shirt."  Really, would I ever prevaricate or do anything in this city to specifically promote, pimp or politicize an issue for my personal self-aggrandizement?  Would I?

Councilman Webb:  You’re kidding right?  This whole issue has been about you wanting to get your way.  I was elected to serve the people of Irving, not a self-designated figurine of royalty.  As far as I’m concerned, we will push the ad hoc committee recommendations forward and let the council decide and vote.  We know this wasn’t what you want, but this is what we are going to do.  You’ll just have to tell all your voices and red T-shirt folks, many who do not even live in Irving, that five votes will determine the handling of smoking/non-smoking in Irving.  And that’s the way this Marlboro® butt is going to be extinguished!

Brian Williams:  Oh my god!  This last remark by Webb just kicked QueenB VDs royal hive across the room and it exploded with a swarm of angry bees attacking her.  Her mane flipping is not even enough to keep the bees from delivering stinging blows…now covering over 80% of her body.

   OUCH!  And a bunch of the bees have just stung me.  (Ha, ha! This last comment is for my Worker’s Comp claim and the book I’ll write about the great smoking ban showdown in Irving, Texas.  I even poked my face with my red edit pen to make it look like bee stings.) 

   The EMTs are now attending to QueenB VD who has gone into an anaphylaxis coma.  She is breathing and seething all at the same time.  Paramedics are administering an antigen and the queens eyes are starting to flutter.

EMT:  This should bring her out of it.  The only side-effect is the antigen doesn’t quell or abate NPD tendencies.  She’ll be back, to her usual and less than norman self, in about three minutes.  (Side note: That’s bee sting swelling on her lips, not Botox.)

Councilman Danish:  While we are waiting, here’s a little know history lesson.  I once rode on a bus with Rosa Parks.

Councilman Farris:  Before the queen awakens, I’d like to deliver my ‘both sides of the fence’ statement: I like referendum votes, but I want to vote as a council member on the smoking ordinance so the audience will see and hear me dance around the issue with steps even Fred Astaire couldn’t match.  See, I’m voting proof single source developers are not the only ones who can speak out of both sides of their mouth. 

Councilman Ward:  Well, the queen isn’t going to like this when she revives, but she certainly hasn’t properly characterized the wording for this agenda item as it was discussed with me.  Maybe the bee stings will refresh her memory.

Councilman Spink:  Give me liberty or give me a referendum!  I cannot abandon the queen in her dire hour of need.  And we should all agree…she is needy.  Is there any Kool-Aid left in that pitcher?

QueenB VD:  (Queen regains consciousness and the chamber is empty as her Chief Pet Rock, LaMorgese, has adjourned the meeting.) Well, this is a relief.  For a few moments, I dreamed the council was going to do an end run on me and bring the smoking ordinance, with the ad hoc committee recommendations, back to the next council meeting for an up or down vote.  I’ll check on all this later as I need to hurry to my next photo op.  
   A new tennis ball color is being introduced by Nike® which matches my nail polish.  These colors also will be stunning in my suite after I ensure the Pet Rocks approve my single source developer for the Tennis Center on the old Texas Stadium site.  Now, where is my carriage driver?

Brian Williams:  Well, NBC Nightly News viewers, that’s a wrap from ‘beautiful downtown Irving.’   Just remember this.  When I’m on the lecture and speaking circuit, a few additional details might be added to this account to provide a bit of spice and color.  Look, I’m only attempting to entertain an audience with my heroic deeds of covering disasters in the making.  I don’t just read the nightly news, I make the news…up!

……………………………..Mark Holbrook

  Note:  A totally different perspective and factual account of the council work session meeting, with final results, can be accessed by clicking on the following article: DMN, Avi Selk, 02-05-15.

Monday, February 2, 2015

CCR 02-02-15: Gold Star Quest

the   Controversial  Committee   Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”

   Here we go again!  When QueenB VD doesn’t get her way, she will do just about anything (mostly inane, foolish, or imbecilic) to redirect the spotlight so it shines on her and not the entire council.

   And this appears to be where she is headed with the re-re-re-revised smoking ordinance.  No, staff of the CCR isn’t stuttering.  This just represents the number of times the issue has been bounced around by the council.  

   The following item is set for the February 4, 2015, city council work session.  There is no detail as the item was posted on the agenda by the queen.  (Probably only a couple of her Pet Rocks had advance knowledge this would be on the agenda.)

3  Election on Smoking Ordinance (As Requested By mayor Van Duyne)

   The operative word here is ELECTION!

   Does QueenB VD want to conduct a special ‘election’ for an issue which should rightfully be decided by the council?  Or does she want to use this ruse as a ballot talking point during the upcoming council elections to garner support for Pet Rocks?  

   There have been public forums, council work sessions and cute red t-shirt gatherings (at the last earthquake meeting) concerning the smoking ordinance.  Of course, QueenB VD even attempted to demonstrate that red shirted folks outside Irving think she should enact a total smoking ban in the city.

   One problem.  Some council members are more interested in doing what is best for the city and the business community than putting a gold ego-star on a political resumé as the queen apparently wants.  After all, the city’s tax base is largely produced by businesses that pay the bills for city operations.  Should they have to also pay for an inflated ego?  

   The current draft of the smoking ordinance, which the council will propose, is scheduled to be placed on a future agenda.  

   And this is the real issue: QueenB VD doesn’t like the revised smoking ordinance!  Or, she doesn’t want to have the issue placed on a regular agenda where the votes might not favor a total smoking ban.  Really, both items fit why she is attempting to circumvent the council. 

   Why?  Those actions don’t have ‘gold star’ quality for her political, promotional and photo op purposes and needs.

   Instead, the queen would rather attempt to by-pass the council in an effort to insist she is the sole arbitrator of what should be done in the city with regard to the smoking ordinance.  Doing this genuinely treats the other elected officials as pawns or serfs who are supposed to bow to her dictates.  (This action by the queen is tantamount to the individuals not even being elected officials.)

   Here’s a clue for the queen: Can you count to five?  And therein may be where the problem actually resides…a majority of the council conceivably does not favor a total smoking ban in the city.  Period.

   The question then becomes: Will the queen’s four Pet Rocks succumb to another self-aggrandizing dictate, or will they do what is best for the city and those businesses wanting less governmental intervention in their affairs?  (Someone should quickly notify the Bingo ladies!)

   Also, one has to realize QueenB VD has two Pet Rocks up for re-election (LaMorgese and Spink).  LaMorgese, who lives in the same northern area of the city as the queen, has seldom, if ever, not followed the talking points or dictates she has promoted.  Spink, on the other hand, does appear more rational and a freer thinker when the city’s (not the queen’s) best interests are at hand. 

   Sadly, NPD spikes are starting to occur in the city about as frequently as earthquakes.  Thus far, the earthquakes have not registered any damage of significance.  If only the same was true with the actions of QueenB VD regarding city affairs.

   Finally, it is hoped QueenB VD will at least park her "peeing in the pool" analogy when the smoking ordinance is discussed this week.  Her analogy, like her wanting an ‘election’ on this issue, is seriously all wet.

…………………………Mark Holbrook


Saturday, January 31, 2015

CCR 01-31-15: Bone to Pick

the   Controversial  Committee   Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”

   "It’s shocking.  Totally embarrassing.  A blemish on my fine reputation!"
    Needless to say, Dylan Westie, Executive Editor and Part-time Wordsmith for the CCR minced no words.  He was outraged and a bit miffed over the use, depiction and acknowledgement by QueenB VD at her State of the Realm (sponsored by the chamber of commerce) blab fest this week.

   The audacity of using his image to draw a few chuckles from the audience to basically hide her rather dismal record as mayor speaks volumes to the character and personality of the queen, he informed the publisher of the CCR.

   To always make everything about her, QueenB VD told the (lesser than usual number of attendees) crowd that one of the highlights of the year was the campaign when Dylan ran against her for mayor.  What?

   How could that be a highlight for her?  She spent probably $500,000 on a campaign promoting herself and Dylan spent zip.  Her political coverage barely made ripples across the Trinity River.  Whereas, Dylan’s efforts went viral on the Internet with TV footage, articles and pictures all the way from Irving to Viet Nam.  And he didn’t require any Rx scripts for NPD.

   * Note: For those not familiar with one of the grandest political farces the city has witnessed in years, click on the following link for an abbreviated listing of TV coverage and articles documenting Dylan’s "almost mayor" campaign.  (Or, Google: Dylan Westie)

   Dylan was so upset over QueenB VDs unauthorized use of his furry personality in her blustering, he pawed a few tweets on his Twit-er account while she was besmirching his image with her highly scripted remarks.  His thoughts regarding the queen and her shabby piggybacking on his leash, to promote herself, left little doubt of his feelings.  Dylan noted on @dylanwestie1:

* Over/Under for QueenBs (Irving mayor) use of "I" in her State of the Realm blather tonight = 63. Record: Obama in India at 118 times in 33 min. NPD rules!

* Over/Under for QueenBs (Irving mayor) flipping of her mane during State of the Realm gab fest is 57. Her record is 32 for her last (photo op) quake meeting.

* Is QueenB (Irving mayor) really open minded on oil/gas issues of Irving quakes due to main mentor, contributor & benefactor (being) in the industry?

* Over/Under number folks exercising thumbs & texting (as payback) during QueenBs (Irving mayor) State of the Realm blathering is 413. Nice!

   Currently, Dylan is pursuing all avenues for legal recourse.  If libel and slander do not pan out for a large settlement, he will shift direction to an iron clad charge: Inhumane Treatment of Animals.  Dylan believes QueenB VD needs to be taught a lesson (other than the city has gone to the dogs under her leadership) for this travesty of usurping his good character…and a costly one for her not representing the fact he is, at least, an AKC registered son-of-a-bitch.  Does QueenB VD have any registration papers?

   And be assured, Dylan has already reached out to PETA, DFW-SPCA and the Irving Animal Shelter for support.  Those organizations have informed the CCR their residents are anxiously wagging their tails, snarling and ready to chomp a hunk out of QueenB VDs glamor posing posterior.  

   In fact, a group of West Highland White Terriers recently staged a protest on Shumard Oak in the Hackberry Creek area.  Sadly, they were all issued citations for illegal dumping!

   Want to assist Dylan?  Join the recently formed PAC to monitor and sniff out political chicanery, single source developers, Sugar Daddy contributors, ethics-waiving cronies and a tennis center on the old Texas Stadium site.  Attacking each of those issues will demonstrate paw power is a political force to assist in making ‘beautiful downtown Irving’ the city it should be. 

   The political action committee is known as the Woof PAC.  Register today and take a bite out of political malfeasance at the drop of a few bacon flavored Beggin’ Strips®.  Membership is free and even provides full health coverage against Flying Harpy injuries.

………………………..Mark Holbrook
   Note:  For those who prefer accurate, detailed and informative information regarding the State of the Realm address by QueenB VD, see: DMN, 01-31-15, Avi Selk, at the following link:

(This report is dedicated to Stuart)