the Controversial Committee Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Hearing the growing community-yelping that a significant portion of council leadership has gone to the dogs, Dylan Westie, Executive Editor and Part-time Wordsmith for the CCR, has been gnawing over the possibility of running for Mayor of Irving. After due consideration, he has decided that it is time for a real Alpha dog to enter the fray and restore integrity, transparency and fairness by eliminating all the ‘cat fighting’ that has occurred in council meetings over the past several years.
Dear readers, it’s official! Tuesday morning, an official petition signed by registered voters of Irving will be submitted to Irving’s City Secretary to have Dylan’s name placed on the May 5, 2014 city council election ballot.
Regardless of the outcome of the petition certification, Dylan anticipates that he will still campaign to have his message heard. A copy of his “platform” follows. Readers will note that he is not promising any individual, group or special interest concern anything. However, he is telling potential voters what he will not do when elected. Shouldn’t all candidates make this same pledge?
If Dylan is not certified to be on the ballot, he could consider challenging the decision based on discrimination: physical impairments (four legs vs. two); race (canine vs. human) and IQ (he can perform more ‘tricks’ with more enthusiasm than any candidate in the field). The possibility does exist for there being a “write-in-vote” if the petition is not validated. This would ensure that voters have a real choice in the upcoming mayoral election.
Since this report will serve as his official campaign announcement, there will no reception with giant shrimp or fajita makings. By accepting no campaign contributions, there is no money to feed political groupies, flying harpies or Kool-Aid sippers.
Following is Dylan’s “official” campaign flyer. This will be the only campaign literature prepared for the mayoral race. Again, it’s a money thing. Spread the word as Dylan is the only candidate that can accurately state that he is a registered ‘son of a bitch.” His official AKC registration number is RN04869502. Other politicians reflect this SOB-attitude, but can they provide proof of registration?
As your mayor, I will not:
Accept campaign contributions, have a campaign “Sugar Daddy,’ or allow strings to be attached to my voting paw.
Conduct any illegal meetings or city business behind closed doors.
Travel on the city’s dime, or to Saudi Arabia, China, Las Vegas, Missouri on someone else’s dime.
Take any prescribed medications for NPD, high BP or schizophrenic disorders.
Jump out of an airplane, shoot baskets, or leap over a tennis net for a photo op.
Stymie ideas of others because it was not my idea in the first place.
Use the term “I” or “me” when recognizing city accomplishments.
Abandon the old downtown heritage area for north Irving special interest.
Accept any free sporting ducats under my front door mat.
Spread the word to your friends and associates. Send thoughts and suggestions to:
Twit Tweet: @dylanwestie1
Facebook: Dylan Westie (Note: All Flying Harpies will be blocked)
Campaign updates at: controversialcommittee.blogspot.com