the Controversial Committee Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”
For immediate release: CDC Advisory Alert
The following Public Service Announcement is being issued by the Center for Disease Control (CDC) for all potential voters in Irving, Texas. Voters are advised to heed this Code Red warning in order to contain and control the spread of the virus identified as I-11 Incumbentitis.
WARNING: Several severe cases of I-11 Incumbentitis have been observed in Irving, Texas. The CDC requires that all voters be made aware of the symptoms of this costly and fearful disease and take precautions to prevent its spread to neighboring communities and cities.
The strain of I-11 Incumbentitis discovered in Irving has already cost millions of dollars and if left unchecked will cost taxpayers millions more. If you observe a politico with I-11 Incumbentitis, you should immediately report them to the CDC and inform all your neighbors and friends. Additionally, all voters should be inoculated for the May 14, 2011 Irving election. Failure to be inoculated by this date could allow the I-11 strain to fester for three more years.
SYMPTOMS
I-11 Incumbentitis can be recognized by the following symptoms. While not spread through direct contact with a politico, it is advisable to keep a safe distance from those who have developed the I-11 strain. Sufferers of I-11 Incumbentitis display the following symptoms:
- Voted consistently to fund, bail-out or purchase property with inflated values from Delbert McDougal in the Heritage District.
- Voted twice within a two month period to increase Water and Sewer rates 10%.
- Allowed “unknown city employees” to waive $4 million in questionable Entertainment Center expenses during a financial review.
- Approved a $1 million sidewalk in Las Colinas while streets are decaying in south Irving.
- Voted against the Kroger grocery store zoning case.
- Individual spins answers to all questions asked...without answering the actual question asked.
- Prevented high school graduations at the new convention center due to facility being under-built and under-funded.
- Participated in allowing the city manager to be paid more than the president of the U.S.
- Increased the tax rate during a period when home values decreased.
- Required mandatory registration and micro-chipping of all dogs.
- Required mandatory lawn sprinkler adjustments due to developers flooding roadways during icy periods.
- Individual often wears rose colored glasses and says a glass is just half-full when, in fact, they have actually stolen the glass.
- Individual is known to have practiced Voodoo Financing to fund the Entertainment Center with the belief that Billy Bob is a money management deity.
CURES
The CDC advises that there is only one know cure for I-11 Incumbentitis. The CDC recommends the following to immediately eliminate and control this vile disease before it reaches pandemic stages. All citizens should be inoculated and:
Vote all incumbent weasels out of office!
KNOWN SIDE EFFECTS
Once taxpayers have removed all known carriers of I-11 Incumbentitis, they should notice the following enhancements:
- Fewer bucks stolen from their wallets.
- A return to citizens of their representative government that has been controlled by a dogmatic city management, Lubbock Mafia, special interest groups, and developers.
- Saner establishment of ordinances, regulations and fees for all users of city services.
- Ability to recognize politicos who in the future may be in a position to suffer from I-12 Incumbentitis (the strain that will emerge in 2012).
While political unknowns who are elected might not be susceptible to I-11 Incumbentitis, research has demonstrated that these individuals should be monitored to ensure that they do not contract the disease. Symptoms in newly elected politicos often develop within one year of service.
The CDC is available to answer any questions you may have about this costly disease infecting Irving elections.
