Friday, March 18, 2011

ZAP! #43: Let the Mane Flipping Begin

ZAP! #43...March 18, 2011

They’re back! Yes, the money bags of political influence, chicanery and wallet stuffing might be emerging as a presence in the mayor’s race. With the announcement of VanDuyne (known as Trojan Barbie in CCR publications), we realize that the Bobbsey Twins of Irving development and influence (Simon, Ellis, and/or the HorseGuy...pick two) may be picking Trojan Barbie to massage with their oily money and desires.

Trojan Barbie really worked hard when she performed miserably on the Irving city council. This was when she mistook leadership as being a negative attribute, was anti-everything except political revenge, and submitted for reimbursement years of poorly or non-existent documentation for travel expenses. (And she wants to be in charge of city finances?) Now, she believes that sipping tea with folks and playing footsie with Irving developers and the campaign money elite will help flip her mane to the 4th floor of city hall.

Does Trojan Barbie need a new name? Send us your suggestions. Here are some possibilities to get your creative juices flowing: Sugar Babe Barbie; Cougar Barbie; Who’s Your Daddy Barbie. You get the drift. And remember, you get extra points if your suggestion contains anything to do with mane-flipping!

When we last saw Trojan Barbie, she had refused to run for re-election in her newly created single member district. Did she see the handwriting on the wall that stated: You cannot win this time? Maybe this caused her to offer the lame excuse that she would let the Rabid Weasel (Spink, who is now one of her opponents) run in this slot as a gesture of political politeness. Sure! The only time she has ever been politically polite was when she had laryngitis.

During this off time, the money guys had again purchased Irving’s state representative. So, she couldn’t run for the Texas legislature against the Whale Rider (Harper-Brown). Instead, she cavorted around town dropping hints that she was going to run for mayor against her arch rival Gears. Even this ruse wasn’t working until those with the big bucks finally approached her. After several flips of her mane, she decided to run for mayor at the eleventh hour. How dramatic. How shallow. How bought and paid for.

For all the newer readers, Trojan Barbie has more political baggage than that at the Lost and Found at American Airlines!

For the staff of the CCR, we would like to believe that her run for mayor had more substance than just having someone financing her campaign to seek political revenge. When you send us your suggestions for her new Monica moniker, also let us know what you think her real reason for waiting so long to file. Here are our top five unreasonable reasons for her late entry into the race:

  • Failed the Charlie Sheen goddess test.
  • Sugar Daddy oil stock dividends finally materialized.
  • Mane-flipping shampoo endorsement didn’t materialize.
  • Nanny received citizenship papers and can stay in the country.
  • Purchased a MAPSCO and can actually find south Irving.

Irving will never progress if candidates like Trojan Barbie reach the pinnacle of power in the city. And if this should happen, we would be destined to remain the political laughing stock of the metroplex...similar to how we are now with the current leadership and administration.