Saturday, July 23, 2011

CCR 07-23-11: Sad Clowns

the Controversial Committee Report

“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”

Staff of the CCR has always had a warm spot for going to the circus. And our favorite routine to enjoy was when all the clowns spilled out of a diminutive VW clown car. How did they do that?

Well, dear reader, we believe we have discovered the secret as to how all those clowns could be stuffed in a vehicle. The secret ingredient used by the chief clown/driver was: Kool-Aid. That’s right...Kool-Aid. Give a clown enough Kool-Aid and you can make him do or say almost anything.

And if you want to see an inordinate number of clowns piling out of a vehicle, then click on the links noted below. The article and videos reflect that the city’s proposed $250 million “clown car” (read: Entertainment Center) has overturned and will be short in securing funds to the tune of about $135 - $160 million. What? How could this happen? Staff of the CCR has heard for the past three years that the $250 million Entertainment Center was a “done” deal. The chief clown’s mantra was that the dirt would soon fly and Billy Bob’s empire on Lake Caroline was going to be a beacon in Las Colinas brighter than the North Star.

Well, it seems as if the city’s bond underwriters may have peeked in the rear seat of the city’s clown car and witnessed all the political Kool-Aid being sipped by the riders. And bond underwriters have a strong affinity against clowns soused on Kool-Aid. They prefer to underwrite bonds by those not under the influence.

With Irving’s chief Red Nose -- former mayor Gears -- at the wheel of the clown car, he had the vehicle stuffed with his posse of Kool-Aid-sipping clowns. His floppy shoe wingman, Billy Bob, provided all the entertainment and slight of hand as they wheeled through the city spreading and spending HOT tax bucks while honking the noses of concerned citizens and critics of their financially flawed development plan.

Even though the total number of clowns stuffed in the city’s clown car is unknown, estimates reflect that it could be at least a couple hundred. This would set a new Guinness record for the number of Kool-Aid-drunk clowns stuffed in one city owned vehicle! Hanging out the windows and packed in the back seat was a buffoonery of city council clowns, a herd of chamber of commerce members, a cackle of city managers, a twaddle of city board members, a gaggle of lawyers, a drove of firemen’s union PAC members, and a covey of gullible citizens who would believe anything a political clown espoused when given enough Kool-Aid.

Of course, the CCR attempted to inform folks that the wheels on the city’s clown car were wobbling and disaster was just a hair-pin curve away. It was clearly noted in previous editions that the voodoo financing used to fill the gas tank of the city’s clown car was causing an inordinate amount of damage to the cars financial engine. And a requested tune-up -- to be provided by Mr. GoodAuditor -- reflected that Billy Bob would not even provide the original “owner’s manual” to show how much had previously been spent on “maintenance” work to the city’s clown car. Do you believe he thought he owned the city’s clown car, since he did own the driver?

While staff of the CCR couldn’t utter the fateful words...we told you so, we might lean on the old adage of: Only fools fail to listen to their critics. And we all know that clowns often do foolish things.

Instead of another refrain of “bring in the clowns,” it appears that the time is ripe for the grown-ups to plan and execute a sound financial plan that could provide a proper venue to complement the new convention center. It’s time to move on and leave the tragedy of the city’s clown car wreck behind.

Those wearing red noses, grease paint, floppy shoes and orange wigs should remain in the city's wrecked clown car.

Additional resource items:

Brett Shipp (Ch 8) July 19, 2011

Brett Shipp (Ch 8) July 20, 2011

Brandon Formby (DMN) July 20, 2011

A reader sez: "You're always "right on," even when people won't listen.Anonymous

We Say: We would rather for the situation to be right then us having to point it out to someone to correct. Mark Holbrook

A reader sez:
"This was a well crafted piece. Art Buckwald would tip his hat." Anonymous

We Say:

Would there be any loose change in the hat? Mark Holbrook