Tuesday, October 25, 2011

ER #18: Travel Consultant

City Hall Elevator Rumblings #18

Rider #1: I’ve decided to change my career goals and leave my city job. And I don’t know why I didn’t figure this out sooner.

Rider #2: I thought you wanted to be a highly overpaid city manager. What do you want to do now?

Rider #1: No, a city manager might be held accountable for performance measures if his council isn’t perpetually drunk on Kool-Aid. I want a position where performance cannot be measured or actually proven, pays extremely well, and allows for plenty of partying and hobnobbing with other status seekers. Yes, I want to be a consultant for the city of Irving.

Rider #2: No joke. That would be the mother of all best jobs. And getting an inroad to the gravy train is about as easy as providing free trips for council members. Look at the $1+ million Dean Deal the council doesn’t want to discuss. They are attempting to sweep this under the rug quicker than the city manager raising the water and sewer rates this year.

Rider #1: Since I have good relations with Councilpersons Cannaday, Santoscoy and Stopfer, I already have an inroad. Now, all I have to do is figure out what to consult with them on.

Rider #2: That shouldn’t be a problem. Just ask one of those three council members where they would like to travel to, then they could provide you with an “economic development” issue or a “lobbying” effort to slide through the rest of the bobbleheads for approval.

Rider #1: Right! Lifting all those city bucks from tax payer wallets is going to be easier than I thought. Hold the elevator door. I need to scratch out a resignation letter to the city manager before going into the meeting.

A note from counsel: These “candid” elevator conversations have been injected with fabricated nouns, verbs, adjectives, conjunctions, adverbs, modifiers and maybe a few dangling participles….Mark Holbrook