Thursday, November 10, 2011

Waiting for Change

The O-file

(Inside the president’s mind documenting what he really isn’t saying.)

Mr. TelePrompter has advised me that my recent speeches are not resonating. He says they are starting to sound a little flat and that I’m not promising to give enough stuff away. Maybe this is why my popularity and poll numbers are about as flat as an IHOP pancake.

To perk up my speeches for all my left leaning buddies, Mr. TelePrompter recommends that I insert a catch phrase du jour to goad and lambast those who are not buying my message...while I ruin the economy and fail to create jobs -- except, of course, jobs at IHOP and McDonalds.

To get all the voting dolts stirred up and back into the fold, I plan to utilize a phrase that will put a smile on any governmental handout recipient. My new catch phrase is: We can’t wait! And here are the important things we shouldn’t be waiting for.

WE CAN’T WAIT: For Michelle to take another European vacation and shopping binge on the tax payers dime.

WE CAN’T WAIT: For all the anarchist “Occupy (insert city name)” protestors to take a bath, brush their teeth and get a job.

WE CAN’T WAIT: To play golf every weekend regardless of what world crisis or calamity strikes the country.

WE CAN’T WAIT: To jump on Air Force One every day and fly all over the country at tax payer expense begging for campaign bucks.

WE CAN’T WAIT: To give political buddies billions more in tax payer bucks for future-bankrupt “green” energy companies.

WE CAN’T WAIT: For my ‘shovel ready jobs’ to become about three years.

WE CAN’T WAIT: For union thugs to pound Tea Party patriots while they are rallying to unseat me.

WE CAN’T WAIT: For the Nobel committee to take back my Peace prize.

WE CAN’T WAIT: For my pal, Attorney General Eric Holder, to spin another “Fast and Furious” fabrication before Congress.

WE CAN’T WAIT: For Barney Frank to continue bankrupting Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae at tax payer expense.

WE CAN’T WAIT: To give corporations that donate to my campaign fund more stimulus-bucks handouts.

WE CAN’T WAIT: For Congress to impose the tax increases hidden in ObamaCare and all the other social programs I have implemented and expanded.

WE CAN’T WAIT: To tax the ‘rich’ more while reaching in their back pocket for campaign contributions.

WE CAN’T WAIT: For all the voting dolts to again believe my speeches actually will accomplish something.

WE CAN’T WAIT: To waive ObamaCare regulations for all businesses that contribute to my campaign.

WE CAN’T WAIT: For the educated masses to finally realize that all my failed policies created unsurmountable economic havoc and turmoil that will surely make me a one-term president!

Mr. TelePrompter is going to have to work overtime to dig me out this quagmire. And I can’t wait!

………………Mark Holbrook