Friday, November 11, 2011

ER #21: Fee Ain't Free

City Hall Elevator Rumblings #21

Rider #1: This meeting with the Capo should go well today.

Rider #2: How come? Has he ‘found’ more sources of funds he can leach from the public?

Rider #1: Bingo! He discovered that there wasn’t a strong outcry over all the new fees we recently instituted. You know...the $50 permit fee if you change electricity providers, the $50 permit fee to have your roof repaired as a result of the hail storm, etc., etc.

Rider #2: This will probably be our new game plan...hit the public’s back pocket on an individual basis with dinky fees as opposed to an overall increase like we did with the water and sewer rates three times within a year. I’ll propose a list of potential fees that we should consider. And we could slip these into the mix today: $25 fee to watch council meetings on cable; $50 fee for parking at council meetings; $75 fee to ride the elevator to the 4th floor for a ‘sit down‘ with the Capo; $50 dais fee to speak at city council meetings; $25 city hall switchboard fee to direct calls to the proper department; and $500 fee to write or e-mail staff or council members complaining about all the new fees.

Rider #1: Sounds good to me. Here’s the 4th floor...will staff now have to pay the elevator fee to see the Capo?

Rider #2: Of course. Where do you think his annual bonus will come from?

A note from counsel: These “candid” elevator conversations have been injected with fabricated nouns, verbs, adjectives, conjunctions, adverbs, modifiers and maybe a few dangling participles….Mark Holbrook