Thursday, January 26, 2012

ER #29: Quiet Invisibility

City Hall Elevator Rumblings #29

Rider #1: This whole McDougalville (a.k.a. Heritage Crossing) project is turning into a fiscal bowl of spaghetti...costly lose ends with many unanswered questions. The issue seems to be exacerbated if the city manager doesn’t comment or respond to all the questions the media or public would like answered.

Rider #2: Don’t tell me. We are working on a new ‘Cone of Silence’ to assist him in this regards. I’ve already changed the access parameters for gaining admission to his office on the 4th floor. Individuals wanting to meet with him will be required to have a hall pass from Janet Napolitano, Secretary of Department of Homeland Security...only after completing a full vetting, psychological exam and stripping down to their shorts to go through the metal detectors.

Rider #1: Now, that’s some serious access requirements to his office.

Rider #2: Also, we'll change his BlackBerry number. Don’t tell the council. His new number will be: (972) THE-CAPO. Of course, this required that he have a new e-mail address. Send all of your future reports to: Just don’t let the media or all those pesky council-meeting speakers know about these changes! They shouldn’t care how their money is being spent!

Rider #1: Good work. This should keep all the annoying reporters and information seekers at bay. And since it didn’t appear that the council knew what was going on with McDougalville or their Las Colinas condo payments in the first place, he should have smooth sailing until the time he informs them to increase the property tax rate to cover Comerica loan payment expenses. And if all this doesn’t work, we’ll need to see if we can get our hands on one of those Harry Potter ‘Invisible Cloaks.’

Rider #2: Now, that’s a plan with merit.

A note from counsel: These “candid” elevator conversations have been injected with fabricated nouns, verbs, adjectives, conjunctions, adverbs, modifiers and maybe a few dangling participles….Mark Holbrook