(Inside the president’s mind documenting what he really isn’t saying.)
Well, I’ve stepped in it again. And the aroma of my Obama Doctrine for foreign policy is starting to reek like fresh cow patties on shag carpet.
I guess folks are starting to remember me saying during the presidential campaign that if I was elected I was “uniquely qualified to bring stability to America's relationships in the Muslim world because I lived in an Islamic country during my youth and my half-sister is Muslim.”* Sometimes, I should just think of keeping my lying mouth shut!
The night of the murders -- by Islamic terrorists -- of the Libyan ambassador, two former Navy SEALS and another embassy employee, I went to bed early. Hey, I need my rest to handle all these sticky foreign affairs issues. I also had a busy schedule planned for the next day...campaign fund raising in Las Vegas. And I was extremely tired after giving a radio interview with “The Pimp That Limps.” People just don’t understand how difficult it is to be president by constantly telling folks how great you are.
However, I took charge the next day and issued a sincerely tepid and mendacious statement by blaming the maker of a video -- that probably only seven individuals had seen -- for the violent attacks on our Libyan embassy. Remember, I had already fertilized the entire Middle East with my Arab Spring rhetoric by appeasing, bowing and kowtowing. I guess I might need to enhance my Obama Doctrine by starting to kiss terrorist posteriors for good measure. That should cause them to love me more and be kinder to Americans in embassies.
Of course, it is difficult attempting to get a terrorist -- with a mindset of living in the 9th century -- to understand that in America we believe in freedom of speech. We don’t rush off and start killing folks when we disagree with their opinions. Is this too difficult for these dimwitted jihadist to understand? That’s why I had Hillary endlessly spouting and apologizing that the attacks on our embassies were related to the video and not the hatred that these pea-brained Islamic terrorist bear towards anything American. I’ve told them that I don’t hate them, so they should understand my feelings toward them in return. Right?
What makes all of my foreign policy failures worse is that Mitt had to open his big mouth and let everyone know that the Obama Doctrine is not only not working in the Middle East, but will never work with these imbecilic jihadist. It’s bad enough that Mitt keeps hammering me on the fact that all of my economic policies, stimulus gifts and bailouts of GM and labor unions, and ‘green’ energy companies going bankrupt are the cause for high unemployment and increased health care cost. Does he have to jump on this failure too? Where is the civility in this campaign?
I guess I need to have someone create a new PowerPoint presentation for Mr. TelePrompter on the fund raising, campaign trail. It will define how good a job that I’m doing and hopefully gather a few of the Independent voters to my side. I just can’t let the shambles of the Obama Doctrine stain my egocentric record of failed accomplishments. Here’s what I plan to emphasize on the campaign trail:
ObamaCare = It works great if you don’t pay for it, get sick or use it
Revised Obama Foreign Policy Doctrine = Stay inside the embassy at all times and hug a terrorist
Obama Economic Policies = If you are a supporter, you’ll be provided stimulus funds
Obama Campaign Interviews = Available to all minority groups, ‘pimps with limps,’ Hollywood flakes, entertainment programs and George Soros Super PAC organizations
Obama Healthy Nutrition Guide = Michelle recommends eating grass and drinking water
Obama’s Public Service Mentoring = Learn how ‘community organizing’ skills allowed me to have the kill shot on UBL without even being there
Obama Small Business Guide = Increase taxes and the minimum wage to $19.95/hr to quieten the whining
I really have my lying work cut out for me in the weeks leading up to the November 6th election. I hope everyone remembers that if I am given another four years, they will not recognize what the country will look like in 2016. (Hey, that would be a good title -- “2016” -- for a movie about my presidency.)
I am so close to establishing the “social” fabric that needs to be wrapped across this land from sea to shining sea that I wake up each morning singing: “God Bless America Me.”
- Uttered on November 21, 2007 while campaigning.