Sunday, October 21, 2012

ZAP! #103: Shredding Ideas

ZAP! #103

     It is near the end of the month and staff of the CCR still has a batch of Post-It Notes pasted all over our computer monitor.  Unable to produce a full report for each idea listed on the notes before the month ends, this brief summary is submitted before we shred the reminders.  Readers will have to do their own research and fact finding to fill in any of the blanks.  Or, do as we do...make something up!

Up in Smoke:  Within thirty minutes of Big Tex becoming a pile of ashes at the State Fair of Texas fairgrounds, the president declared -- without reservations, waffling or politicizing the event -- that this was a terrorist attack.  He stated that the information he had at that time was Wrangler jean-jihadist were perpetrating a revenge fatwa against Dickie jean-capitalist who had the contract to clothe Big Tex.  RIP Big Tex.  The CIA will scour the planet until locating and bringing to justice the perpetrator of this murder..."Reddy Kilowatt."

Texas Conservatives Investigative Service:  Could staff of the CCR be the only folks who have never heard of this “organization?”   Apparently, Google hasn’t either.  Pictured sitting at a desk piled high with law books and bogus PI ‘investigative’ files, the Whale Rider (Linda Harper-Brown)* is utilizing this unknown (to us) “organization” to produce a ton of slick, spin-tainted re-election brochures.  Her intent is to hopefully have voter’s attention distracted as she drives around town in her Mercedes Benz.  And we all remember how she obtained her previous Benz.  Some things never change.  Maybe this requires an investigation?

City Awarded Special Recognition:  The Texas Foundation for Municipal Opaqueness has awarded Irving city manager, Tommy Gonzales, their coveted 7-Stigma Award of Incomprehensibility for: accepting the resignation and then re-hiring the ex-fire chief at an annual salary of $161,000 as a “grant writer” and then attempting to have the city council approve $850,000 in grant funds (via a grant not written by the ex-fire chief) to buy a sub-code apartment complex at an apparently inflated price which would have placed the city in the position of being an apartment landlord in competition with realtors, developers and property managers.  Special mention for the Procrastination Award went to the city’s housing and human services director, Chis Hooper, for allowing the funding cycle of city grants to conceivably remain idle for nearly two years and reach their deadline for use, thereby jeopardizing the city’s ability to provide genuine, needed and worthwhile services.

Feathery Frustration:  In a desperate attempt to re-energize a failing campaign based on a failed record of achievement, the president has dropped Joe Biden as his vice president.  Replacing Biden will be Big Bird from Sesame Street.  In his announcement, the president stated: “Big Bird will help garner the PBS and kiddy vote while providing the campaign with a real bird...not a bird-brained human.”  Our ‘source’ on this report is impeccable as he attended a campaign event where all the president could relate to the gathering was that he created a job...for Big Bird.  And this is how, dear readers, the unemployment rate dropped to 7.8%.
  • Once again for newer readers: “Whale Rider” is a New Zealand movie about a young Maori girl who becomes the leader of her tribe by riding a whale. Harper-Brown rides whales!  Her campaign is always financed by whale contributors (read: really deep pocket, money donating folks), special interest groups and PACs.  And the whales that she rides get what they pay for.  Some of these folks even give her an ‘award‘ in recognition of her taking their campaign contributions.  
.................Mark Holbrook