Friday, June 21, 2013

CCR 06-21-13: What's Cooking?

the   Controversial  Committee   Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”

     The new (not if “retread” members are considered) city council will be sworn in next month and should immediately determine what gets placed on the front burner of the city’s agenda stove.  After all, there are several pots of political tripe that have been simmering and someone needs to determine which dish rates the front burner.

     Normally, this might be the mayor Queen Bee’s determination, but her stinging failure to have her drones elected in the runoff election symbolized her honey pot/photo ops attitude of flitting around which didn’t digest well with low information diners.

     To avoid a possible food fight and council line cutting over what gets served first, we asked Dylan, Executive Editor and Part-time Wordsmith of the CCR, to interview our chef who was busily swishing a spoon around each of the clamoring pots.  For all the folks waiting in line for haute cuisine from their elected officials, here’s what the chef perceives to be ready for dishing out:

City Manager Flambé
     Seriously, until the city manager either heads down to sunny Florida for fun and sun or parks his Lubbock Mafia staff car in a Dallas parking garage, the hanging uncertainty of when this dish will be ready keeps city staff at a slow, low boil and does little for the council to actually make dinner reservations with any degree of certainty.  All the rum has burned off this delectable treat and if it isn’t served immediately, then a cold plate of bumbling ineptitude by members of the city council can be expected. 

Entertainment a l’orange 
     This is a very special creation by the CCRs chef in that the outer shell of this culinary delight is dough fashioned in the shape of an ARK.  Stuffed with promises and folded ‘greens’ the ARK has been baked, basted with due diligence, and garnished to financial perfection for any gastronomically impaired council voter. Like revenge, this dish is best served cold.

    Creme du Bovine Chips
     The CCRs chef was unable to find a working recipe for this dish.  Even his Julia Childs cookbook did not have a list of all the necessary ingredients.  However, after watching the mayor Queen Bee prepare and spin a recent batch, he was able to identify some of the key portions.  Chefs attempting to preparing this dish are advised to do so at their own guest served this meal could become extremely nauseous and suffer major colon issues.  Discovered ingredients for Creme du Bovine Chips are: ½ gal. (fresh from the pot) Queen Bee honey; 4 tablespoons of insincerity; 2/3 cup of fresh blathering; a large dash of petulance; 2 shakes of narcissism; a heaping ladle of negativism; six sprigs of hidden agendas, and what could be the basic ingredient that blends all the other items together -- 1 liter of ineptitude.
Cajun Legalese Boil
     A longtime favorite of the CCR, this Cajun delight will not only nourish tax payers, but even have them sated after just one shucking.  Legalese are generally found in urban areas and are extremely rare.  They are often discovered in fourth floor city hall offices rendering ineffective opinions that can cause tax payers severe acid reflux.  Upon snaring, they should immediately be placed in a large kettle of boiling water.  Ingredients necessary for the proper cooking and serving of Legalese consist of adding corn on the cob, Zumo’s links, new potatoes, and Zatarain spices to ensure that the boil is well seasoned, spicy and that future tax payer indigestion is permanently eliminated.

     After the readership has tasted the above culinary morsels simmering at city hall, they may want to zip over to the IISD admin building.  Word on the street is that Super Bedden is starting to prepare his newest creation...a combination Italian/French specialty dish he calls:  Fettuccine alChomeurs.

     Bon Appetite malnourished tax payers. 

…………………..Mark Holbrook