Saturday, July 6, 2013

CCR 07-06-13: "Love" Cake?

the   Controversial  Committee   Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”

     If you are not already in line, you still have time before it is too late.  The Irving ‘free cake’ give away will start for all south Irving folks on July 10th with additional dole outs on July 11, 13, 14, 20 and 24.

     Haven’t heard about the council’s ‘free cake’ give away?  Well, courtesy of an ever astute city council, $400,000 has been spent for a series of tennis matches this year.  (In the spirit of fairness, $150,000 will be used to dress up the Four Seasons Resort tennis courts.)  

     In a typical scheme hatched by the crew member (chamber of commerce) of Irving’s branch of the Lubbock Mafia for approval by his Capo (city manager), Irving will be hosting and be the home base for the Texas Wild professional tennis team.  And just think, the Capo didn’t have to issue any ‘whack orders’ for members of the city council to gain approval for the team to come here.

     Getting excited?  Got your racket restrung?  Hold on lob breath!

     Here’s where the ‘free cake’ enters the picture.  Since south Irving has yet to develop into a tennis haven, the interest in spending $400,000 of tax bucks for this -- where the elite meet, eat and compete -- sporting shindig is probably not too appealing.  And to ease the gastritis Southies may start experiencing when hearing about all this, the council has included a provision in the tennis agreement for all those hard working, tax payers living in south Irving to receive ‘free cake’ on the days that the matches are played.  Now isn’t that really charitable of your elected officials?

     This means south Irving tax payers can now have their cake and eat it too!
     However, if Southies want to joint their ‘elite’ neighbors from north Irving and hob nob just a little, they can just step up and buy a few ducats.  

     Should Southies want an Owner’s Club box on the baseline (that’s behind where players serve) which includes an unlimited buffet provided by the Four Seasons and free beverages (wine, beer and soft drinks) the tab will be only $5,500 for the seven match series.  If this is a tad too pricy and you are not feeling that ‘elite,’ then you could choose the next option.  For $2,500 they will have four box seats (not on the baseline) for the seven matches, but will have to personally pay for all their beer and wine.  (With the money saved on this option, you could really tie one on and forget about the bad view!)

     By now, your are asking: Is the Irving city council really this imbecilic?  Hold on ace server breath!  One needs to realize that this $400,000 expenditure was couched under the smoky cloud of...Economic Development.  And we all know what that means -- someone else gets the economic development and tax payers get the vapor.  Maybe that’s not a fair statement, but the CCR staff is having difficulty seeing through all the smoke spewed for this agreement to believe otherwise.

     The tennis match agreement does reflect that Irving should get tons of ‘free’ advertising.  The estimates (really guesses) for this start at $1.06 million.  (Is it really ‘free‘ if you have already spent $400,000?)  Be prepared and forewarned.  The ICVB/Chamber of Commerce/City Council is probably working on a new ad campaign to dazzle and blanket the nation.  The ad campaign will lead off with: “Snobs Live in Irving Too...Come Join the Party”

     Finally, if you do live in south Irving and decided to spend your Social Security check on tickets, you will want to heed the following:
Court Attire 
( That’s Dress Code for those south of HWY 183)
Acceptable:  White tennis shorts, white (or pastel colored) polo shirt, white sneakers (no black socks) and ball cap (not turned backwards).
Not Acceptable:  Jean cut-off shorts, ZZ Top t-shirt, combat boots, and beer bong helmets.

      After eating all the ‘free cake‘ resulting from this ‘elite’ tennis adventure provided by the city council, you might want to call the mayor (972-898-7500) and ask her when the ‘free cheese‘ line will be open for all Southies who paid their property tax bills and now have nothing left to buy groceries with.

     Seriously, staff of the CCR believes they could field a team for one of these matches and represent south Irving better than the council, since it appears that the city council has already double faulted in their match with the Texas Wild!

Final economic development agreement score:  Texas Wild  40 -- Irving City Council  Love (that’s zero or nada in tennis jargon)

…………………………..Mark Holbrook

(Ed. note: While not observed in the city council agenda materials for 01-10-13, do you think the final/signed agreement also contained a provision for the city (read council, staff and/or chamber) to receive a few complementary box seats?  When you call the mayor for your ‘free cheese,’ you might want to ask her.)