Sunday, February 9, 2014

ZAP! #148: Fracking Politicos

ZAP! #148

     THIS JUST IN:   The TCU Energy Institute will be reversing its position on fracking and declare that ‘political‘ fracking can cause seismic shifts in the “I-shale” rock layer running under mayor BVDs chair at city hall.  Many citizens noticed this cataclysmic event last Thursday evening and immediately understood the benefits gained from ‘political’ fracking.

     For the geology impaired, the “I-shale” layer is a hard-headed rock formation with unique characteristics that purport to be leadership exhibited by mayor BVD and her pet rocks (Understood to be, in most cases, Brad LaMorgese, Gerald Farris, Dennis Webb, Tom Spink and John Danish for special assignments by the mayor as her consigliere on meeting legalities).  This stratum of hard-headed rock, when fractured, often causes problems with transparency issues, kowtowing to special interest concerns and raining of glossy photo op pics throughout the city to surface...much like lava ash in Pompeii.

     The TCU research scientists, noting this break in the I-shale layer in Irving, determined that ‘political’ fracking was the cause when ‘common sense’ was injected under extreme pressure, by ordinary citizens, into the cranium of mayor BVD and her pet rocks.  Had this pressurized injection of ‘political’ fracking not reached its targeted area, then the “I-shale” layer of mayor BVD and the pet rocks would have remained solidified and continued on a course of wrongheaded, floundering indecisiveness.   

     Luckily, ‘political’ fracking fractured this teutonic plate of wrongheaded decision making and caused a positive outcome to be made.

     For readers not paying close attention to current events, mayor BVD and her pet rocks were preparing to consider either the second or third place choice to fill the vacant city manager’s position* after their first choice, determined in an illegal meeting, departed Irving in a huffy trail of derogatory comments about the city and city governance in general.  (Maybe Sarkozy should consider managing a vineyard in California where ‘whine’ is bottled.) 

     Additionally, mayor BVD and the pet rocks were prepared to shuttle the interim city manager off to his re-retirement before the city’s ship of state could even reach the port of Newfound Credibility.

     Red Cross officials at the scene of the I-shale ‘political’ fracking incident report that the only casualties were the slight deflation (a mere 2 psi) of mayor BVDs ego due not getting her way again and that her flock of Flying Harpy bloggers were sent spewing and crashing to terra firma in pebble size chunks of ash.  (Known in the blogger sphere as showing your ash!)  

     The final Richter scale reading, of the ‘political’ fracking in this incident, is that the search process for a new city manager will be reopened and that the interim city manager can proceed with addressing the troublesome issues left by the Tommy Gonzalez regime.  And this all cranks out to a -6.3 magnitude reading for mayor BVD.

     Now that the quake has settled city hall, citizens can turn their cell phones off, close their e-mail accounts and just be on standby for future CCR early warnings of any potential I-shale teutonic plate shifts by mayor BVD and her pet rocks.  Remember, ‘political‘ fracking causes quakes that break hard-headed rock formations.  Even convicted felon Martha Stewart could intone: “And that’s a good thing.” 

     And with the mayoral election season gearing up, it stands to reason that mayor BVD and her pet rocks could remain dormant, for a brief period, to avoid any additional ‘political’ fracking by ordinary citizens interested in the betterment of the city.

……………………….Mark Holbrook
  • NOTE:  In the normal course of business, the utilization of a search committee is designed to bring the best candidate forward to fill a position.  The group or individual making the final decision will review and interview a small number of finalist.  Once a determination is made and a “top choice” is selected, the search process is over for all practical purposes.  IF however, the top finalist decides not to accept the job, or vetting discovered inconsistencies serious enough to prevent hiring, the group or individual making the hiring decision should then start the process all over again.  Why?  Here’s a hypothetical example: Your three finalist are “JC,” Charles Manson and Jeffery Dahmer.  It is determined that “JC” is your number one choice.  But, it is soon discovered that he cannot walk on water, or that he doesn’t want to be preached to by an elected officials.  Either he drops himself out of contention or the hiring party drops him.  Now, do you really want to dig back into your ‘finalist pool’ for your number two or three choice in this instance?  Didn’t think so, because these two individuals were not your number one choice in the first place! (Thank goodness.)  Simple logic or Business 101 that even simple minded politicos should know and understand.

DMN, Avi Selk, 02-06-14: