Saturday, March 29, 2014

CCR 03-29-14: Specifics, PLEASE?!

the   Controversial  Committee   Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”
     Staff of the CCR has started their ‘forensic audit’ of campaign literature, as the first political load was stuffed in our mailbox this week.  This “Specifics, PLEASE?!” analysis is the first that will be featured in the race for mayor of Irving.  

     Actually, what was received was not a brochure as much as it was a condescending plea for Geezers too old, frail or mobile enough to go to the polls and vote.  The flyer was a form for a mail-in ballot...that might not even be counted, unless the final election numbers are so close and the number of mail-in ballots could cause a swing in either direction of the totals.

     Regardless, the main feature of the mailing was the political rhetoric which spiked our interest.  And in that light, staff of the CCR would ask: Where are the Specifics, PLEASE?!  Some of the blanket statements appeared to have been ripped directly off a chamber of commerce PowerPoint presentation...being given to the council while appealing for more operational funds.

     And the specifics of the candidate’s “achievements” seemed to be severely lacking after passing the verbiage through the CCRs ‘torofeca filter.‘  In fact, the ‘torofeca filter’ nearly had a meltdown when reviewing this particular piece of political tripe.

     Faster than jumping out of a speeding airplane; stronger than a Flying Harpy’s breath; and able to leap over facts with insipid nonchalance, it’s Wonder Woman Glamor Gal mayor BVDs first mailing to voters which stated:

Created 10,000 new Irving jobs
Specifics, PLEASE?!:  Was this a misprint?  Doesn’t the statement really mean that during her reign she has participated in 10,000 photo ops?  That might be closer to the real facts than her actually creating any Irving jobs.  What specifically did she do to assist or influence the creation of any Irving job?  But then, she might have hired 10,000 city staff photographers to ensure one was always available for her next event.  Is this how the 10,000 figure was determined?

Stopped property tax increases on seniors
Specifics, PLEASE?!:  Voters should immediately review their prior property tax statements to see if in any year, during the past three, they paid less in property taxes to the city of Irving.  We thought so!  Maybe this campaign mailing was specifically intended for Geezers who also suffer from SPSS (Short Political Spin Span).  After all, most Geezers cannot remember what they had for lunch yesterday.  So, if mayor BVD states this in a mailing, it must be factual...right?  Really?

Bringing transparency back to city hall
Specifics, PLEASE?!:  Geezers who received this mailing must also have poor eyesight and couldn’t see how transparent some city hall dealings have been.  For instance: How was the MOU, awarded to OlliverMcMillan who mayor BVD met in Las Vegas, for the Texas Stadium review quickly flushed through the council with assistance from her three Pet Rocks; Also in attendance at this LasVegas confab were folks with the Hines Development group...the ones who have received all the tax abatements to build residential housing under D/FW Really Big and International airport runways.  Would campaign contributions from these two vendors be considered transparent?  Geezers are advised to see their local ophthalmologist for an immediate eye examination.    

Empowered highest construction rates in 28 years
Specifics, PLEASE?!:  Wow!  Such power to empower. (How does one really empower anything?)  Did she have an under the table agreement (non-transparent) with ONCOR energy to power all this empowerment?  Will voter utility rates skyrocket due to all her empowerment?  Remember voters, please place safety plugs over all electrical outlets to keep mayor BVDs power surges out of reach and being harmful to small toddlers.

mayor BVD: Creating Growth and Opportunity for Families
Specifics, PLEASE?!: Maybe this brochure tag line should actually read: mayor BVD -- Creating Fiction From Borrowed Facts for Voting Families. 
     There were a couple more incredulous statements in the mailer, but you get the empowered flow.  As a public health precaution, staff recommends you wash your hands after reading this CCR missive.  After all, it was passed through the ‘torofeca filter’ three times to separate facts from fiction.  You’ll not need to wash your brain synapses as the filter trapped all the major political detritus.

     Stay tuned.  As soon as staff of the CCR receives their first mailing from x-mayor Herbie, we’ll pass it through the ‘torofeca filter’ for your edification.

………………..Mark Holbrook