Thursday, July 24, 2014

CCR 07-24-14: Prune Danish Redux

the   Controversial  Committee   Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”

     Heeeees Back!  And it didn’t take neophyte Pet Rock and consigliere for QueenB VD, John Danish, very long to hit his old stride of bloviating, rambling and spinning non-sequitur babble at every Irving City council meeting.

     Staff of the CCR has already recognized Danish’s return with the introduction of the "John Danish BINGO" game. (For those just joining us, the card and rules are posted on the CCR blog site in the 07-07-14 report.)  

     Additionally, Danish has been mentioned in several tweets and reports since being elected as the Anglo representative for the gerrymandered Hispanic district of south Irving.

     The return of Danish has caused staff of the CCR to experience PTSD (Political Tension Stress Disorder).  The condition reached its peak this week and we finally succumbed to rummaging through old issues (1991 to be exact) of the CCR.  Even though Danish has appeared in CCR reports since the 80’s, we were hard pressed to see where the ‘old’ Danish was any different from the new-zombie Danish, currently stalking the council chambers chewing the fat off redundant rhetoric.

     To wit, staff of the CCR picked just the following two items, from old reports, to demonstrate the truism of the adage: "The more things change, the more they stay the same."  And one would have to agree, there is no difference between the old Danish and the ‘new’ Danish…other than his driving a Jaguar now instead of a Cadillac. 
FROM the 04-18-91 CCR:  
     "Remedial Government — Pass the gag bag.  Councilthing Danish has fired his mouth off again with the force of a cannon gunning down a gnat.  Pegging the outer limits of the gag meter at the last council session when debating beer sales in Texas Stadium, Councilthing Danish used every know political cliche uttered during the past 200-years.  Quoting Jefferson, Franklin, the Bill of Rights, Lincoln and the Pilgrims, he makes Sen. Joseph Biden seem like a research scholar for the Freedom Foundation.
     Never at a loss for someone else’s words and perhaps lacking any genuine creativity and thoughts, The CCR wants to assist Councilthing Danish the next time he whips out a freshly typed council speech.  When discussing the "life and death" issue of imposing parental rating guides for rock concerts in Texas Stadium, he could use the following filler material.
     "Four score and seven beers ago…"
     "Ask not what a beer would do for you—
       but what you would do for a beer."
     "A Bud in the hand is better than two in the Busch."
     "Thou shalt not Schlitz."

     Have you ever wondered if Councilthing Danish has the same sentiments and cliche-ridden rhetoric on file for the drinking of wine in Marino, Italy?  Perhaps not, since he might consider Italy a "safe drinking" zone.  It is, after all, over 5,000 miles from Irving.  Besides, who would tell?"     

     The above should have worked well for Danish as it contained two references to past presidents, god and a very familiar adage.  Unfortunately, staff of the CCR did not get the position of speech writer for Danish in 1991…his loss, of course.  We firmly believe the rationale for not obtaining the job was: Danish would rather spend other people’s money (taxes) than dip into his personal bucks.  And this didn’t surprise us.

     Knowing Danish always has his eye on the ball — at least the next political-move ball — the following portion of a previous CCR report (again 1991) captures the essence of Danish always wanting to be in the political spotlight.  Similar to QueenB VD, the most dangerous position to be in is between either of them and a TV camera or microphone.  Is it any wonder that both do not have burned retinas from all the photo flashes?

FROM the 01-19-91 CCR: 

     While there are reams and reams of previous postings in old CCR reports regarding Danish, staff of the CCR had to pop a few caps, after just reading the two above, to ease our PTSD.

     Considering how Danish is back to his old form of puerile oration, isn’t it time for the city council to institute a gag order on his performances?  This certainly would not limit his ‘free speech,’ but rather would spare the citizenry his ridiculous speech.

…………………………..Mark Holbrook