Sunday, July 27, 2014

CCR 07-28-14: Of Plans and Penalties

the   Controversial  Committee   Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”

     REALM UPDATE:  This quarterly update of activities in QueenB VDs realm is brought to you by OliverMcMillan, a single source servant of the queen.  "For all your tennis needs, OM does the deed!"

     1) Realm Encroachment: When staff of the CCR last posted on this topic, it appeared the presidential search committee for the Irving chamber of commerce would not follow the distorted selection process QueenB VD first used when attempting to hire Steve Sarkozy from Bellevue, WA as the city manager.  Instead, it appeared the chamber search committee (which the queen was a member of) would do the right, legal and responsible thing by re-opening the entire interview process.  However, this did not happen.  (In the chamber’s hiring case, the wrong action prevailed as queenly edicts managed to possibly poison rational thinking.)

     Citizens of the queen’s realm should never discount the influence that her harpies might have if she surreptitiously demands her edicts be blindly followed. 

     What happened?  With the chamber search committee deadlocked and split as to the proper avenue to trek down, the queen’s committee-harpies (in training as they have not earned their wings) appeared to invoke, with the queen’s blessing, the Mother Superior of Flying Harpies to circle over the committee chairman’s head to break the impasse by siding with the committee-harpies.  The threat of a Flying Harpy attack on the chamber membership, by the queen’s harpy forces, could bring chaos to this organization and create a fracture similar to the one the queen reigns over on the Irving City council.

     While the individual selected, to be the chamber’s CEO and president, will bring all the zest and zeal of a new puppy with a forever home to the position, there will be one significant obstacle in her path…the potential wrath from QueenB VD.  And for this reason she and all of the business interests of the chamber should be wary.  

     Already espousing the city council has some thorny budget issues to resolve, the time, attention and funding of any future chamber proposals might have to take a back seat behind her priority for the refurbishing of the Twin Wells golf course…as if this will happen.

      2)  Flying Harpies To Conduct Roundup:  With her realm ever expanding (city, chamber, school district), QueenB VD wants to ensure there are no possible pretenders to her throne.  With this in mind, she has directed the Mother Superior of Flying Harpies to gather the flock and seek out any dissident or sass-talking peon…especially those who might possibly be suffering from the queen’s suspected condition of NPD.(1)  This measure is being taken since their can only be one QueenB in the realm bearing a NPD condition.  

     Those individuals nabbed by harpies, in the ‘meme’ personality roundup, will be committed to sessions of verbal-water boarding(Think Idi Amin without the beheading.)  After several sessions, individuals will be assigned to work at one of the queen’s relocation sites.  The punishment delivered to these peons (which is not considered to be a form of torture by the queen) will leave individuals with a condition of only being able to utter: "I’m just a cog in the queen’s wheel and no one is equal to or as glorious as her."  

     3)  Queenly Fitness:  Recognizing many of her subjects have grown soft, out-of-shape and not aligned with her personal conditioning of always being photo op ready, the queen has dictated that: a) All golf clubs will be confiscated; b) All loud plaid shorts, socks and t-shirts will be burned; and c) All shoes with cleats must be relinquished.  Future possession of any of these items will be met with draconian penalties.  (This forfeiture of equipment also coincides with her plans for Twin Wells.)

     These measures are designed, by the queen, to instill in all her subjects the advantages and love for playing tennis.  Racquets will be issued to all peons along with a pair of white shorts, white Izod® shirts, white socks, white sweatbands and white Nike® sneakers.  New tennis courts will be constructed in every neighborhood after all the pools, splash parks and swing/slide sets are razed

     All subjects will be required to play tennis a minimum of three times per week and keep accurate records of their participation and progress.  (Consider this an edict!)

     Lessons will be provided for first-time tennis players.  When the level of play for any peon meets the Queen’s Standards of Tennis Etiquette and Play, they will be allowed to enter the queen’s lottery to win a chance to play a game on her royal Tennis Center courts…if construction is completed on the old Texas Stadium site by her single source developer, OM.  

     Two peons per year will have the grand honor and recognition to represent their neighborhoods on the queen’s courts.  (Think "Hunger Games" without the death option.)  At all other times, the royal courts will be used and occupied by the queen’s Pet Rocks, designated Flying Harpies and those sugar daddy campaign donors and contractors who polish her royal scepter and do business with the city.

     Warning: Any subject reported playing golf on a private or municipal course outside the queen’s realm will be banished to the Tower of Obedience where they will receive extensive re-indoctrination lessons on pledging fealty to all the queen’s edicts.  All golf equipment found in the possession of transgressors will be confiscated and the metal clubs melted to shape new talons for her Flying Harpy flock.

     4)  Upcoming Queenly Exploits:  1) With golf no longer a sanctioned activity or sport in the queen’s realm, the old Twin Wells golf course will be bulldozed.  Construction will commence on the QueenB VD Photo Op Museum, on the site, as soon as a single source developer is identified; 2) When the queen’s ‘fluffy’ ethics policy is approved by her Pet Rock collection, the doctrine will be printed and bound in little red books for every subject to carry on their person at all times; 3) Believing the glow of her soul must shine across the realm, the queen will institute a new wave of consciousness for all to follow in order to be worthy of living in her kingdom.  Those accepting her queenly prescribes will be saved from having their taxes raised and their first born relegated to mucking Flying Harpy stables.  

     Edifices will be constructed in each neighborhood for peons to attend daily services that reflect on the greatness of the queen.  These facilities will be known as Fellowship Halls of Queenly Etherealness.  The 95 theses, of blind adoration for the queen as inspired and dictated by the queen, will also be included in the little red books, containing her ethics policy, for all to commit to memory.  (Thesis #1:  There is no queen other than QueenB VD.)

     While the queen has a lot on her plate this summer, she will also be very busy screening her Flying Harpy flock to determine which of her harpies will be weak enough to be selected as a Pet Rock in the next city election cycle.  She is wanting a new Pet Rock, who has a bit of fire in their breath, to counterbalance the tepid oratory skills of all her current Pet Rocks. 

     Irving, Texas…it’s not Disneyland, but a genuine reality park of Pet Rocks, Flying Harpies, Sugar Daddy Donors, and QueenB VD.

……………………Mark Holbrook

  1. NPD is Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  Specific conditions noted at: