TO: CCR Tweet-less
Here’s what you recently missed by not following
Dylan Westie @DylanWestie1 on Twit-er.
QueenB (Irving mayor) receives her first ever prestigious award. For details see 10-14-14 report at controversialcommittee.blogspot.com. Pet Rocks elated
PostScript: Readers, especially those who write in crayon, always receive an immediate response from staff of the CCR. We hear you! (And some don’t think we have a heart…pshaw.)
And to meet a recent gadfly-critic’s concern, from the reading challenged bleachers, this entire report is dedicated to the wonderful achievements QueenB VD has invested in the city since her initial coronation. (Four years and…oh god, still counting.)
While some might consider her achievements less than worthy, staff of the CCR believes them to be as high up on the "meme" shelf as Tommy Gonzalez’s (former city manager) personal goal of achieving the Malcolm Baldrige award. And we all know how this award totally changed the direction of Irving and moved the city into being a smooth operating machine.
Just think of how Irving’s past, during the realm of QueenB VD, will be recorded and the changes she instituted for citizens when her legacy is written.
Sparing no expense, staff of the CCR commissioned a statuette to be molded that will honor and symbolize QueenB VDs grandest achievements. The award will be know as the CCRs Frank "I Did It My Way" Award and modeled after the Rat Pack crooner’s self-absorbed tune of personal praise. This award will also allow the queen’s loyal subjects to think of her every time the song is played on the radio or TV.
Back to the important issue at hand: QueenB VDs momentous legacy. Here are just three of the significant items the queen has planted in the Irving political landscape. We should all be so proud:
Tin Foil Hat 2.01: This new cutting edge technological headwear, while primarily designated for Pet Rocks (LaMorgese, Farris, Spink and Ward), will also be provided to the Mother Superior of Flying Harpies, single source developers, Sugar Daddy-String Pullers, Tea Party cronies and spiked-mead posters on the KIA FaceBook blog. The beauty of the advanced tin foil chapeau is: QueenB VD will be able to instantly communicate demands, voting instructions and spin talking points to each wearer without having to use her iPhone or rely on any telecommunication tower for text messaging during meetings. The communications from the queen will be direct, untraceable and one way. In essence, the queen does not have to bother with hearing any responses, negative thoughts or whining from those wearing the tin foil hats. How cool is that? (Side note: The queen will also have the ability to send a slight electrical charge to the wearer if they should step out of line or say something inappropriate.)
ATM Voting: Realizing there seems to be a bit of unrest with some of QueenB VDs recent pronouncements, votes and handling of issues before the council, the queen has taken on-line voting to a new level. While voting in the city is beyond being anemic, with regards to the number that actually participates in process, the queen has instituted an ATM/Debit card system for the next city election…to ensure her Pet Rocks do well at the polls. Citizens will be provided with a QueenB debit card upon enter a polling station. The card will be inserted into the electronic voting pod and if voting for the individuals the queen has chosen, the card will register $25.00 on the voter’s new debit card. This method of vote buying beats the old system of ‘walking money’ used by scurrilous ward bosses. The QueenB debit card also guarantees the queen’s picks, or the card is not validated. This method of ‘voter encouragement’ will also be cheaper the $500K+ the queen spent on her last campaign. Additionally, ‘frequent voters’ in any election will receive bonus points toward an amazing array of gifts.
BVD Vanity Plates: What better way to show support, allegiance and fealty to the queen and Irving than to be awarded a personalized QueenB VD vanity license plate. These plates are special enticements for all serf/peon achievements which demonstrate genuine obedience to the queen. The license plate allows everyone in the realm to recognize how the queen appreciates their efforts, blind-less dedication and mindlessly subscribing to her dictates.
While driving around town, readers may have noticed some of the plates already in use. To assist in the recognition of these honored recipients, here is a short list: BVD1 (the queen, of course), BVD2 (LaMorgese), BVD3 (Farris), BVD4 (Spink), BVD5 (Ward), BVD6 (Mother Superior of Flying Harpies), BVD7 (Simon) and BVD8 (Ellis). Remember, the key to being considered and obtaining a BVD vanity plate is to work hard spinning the queen’s egotistical message, bow often and never address or disturb the queen when she is involved in a photo op.
While staff of the CCR is still in the research mode for any other QueenB VD achievements, the above alone qualifies her to be the first (and hopefully only) recipient of the CCRs Frank "I Did It My Way" Award. Really, can you think of any other deserving Irving politico who could match the efforts of QueenB VD to gain this recognition?
(This report was inspired by a wacky CCR reader.)
Legal disclaimer and Glossary at: controversialcommittee.blogspot.com