Tuesday, November 25, 2014

CCR/DW 11-25-14: Quaking Resolution

TO:  CCR Tweet-less 

Here’s what you recently missed by not following
Dylan Westie  @DylanWestie1  on Twit-er.

Another mild quake just shook the house and spilled my water dish all over the den floor. Of course, I'll be blamed for sloppy lapping again.

 Fracking is not causing all the Irving quakes. Apoplectic mane flipping by QueenB (Irving mayor) due to all her holiday photo ops is the root cause.


PostScript:  Around 4:39 pm, another earthquake (2.7) vibrated the same area of the city as all the previous quakes.  This represents the fifth quake in just four days.  While not as significant as the registered 3.3 magnitude quake on Saturday, these tremors are starting to create a sense of anticipation as to just how large the next one will be.

   Wanting to dig to the bottom of this new Irving phenomena, we dispatched Dylan Westie, Executive Editor and Part-time Wordsmith for the CCR, to the University of Dallas area to research the site where most of the ground shifting activity has taken place. 

   While pawing through the earth’s crust, here’s what Dylan learned:
*  The quakes are not caused by QueenBs stomping out of a meeting.
*  The quakes are not caused by QueenBs shocking tone when browbeating peers.
*  The quakes are not caused by QueenBs stacking reams of paper for her fluffy ethics policy.

   After due diligence, Dylan concluded the quakes had to be as a direct result of:
*  The snapping motion each time the queen flips her mane in a meeting, photo op or at a Pet Rock for not complying with one of her dictates.

   While the quakes will probably continue until 2016, residents are advised to take all precautions and not panic.  Scientists are conducting research to determine if fitting QueenB VD with a neck brace will stymie or eliminate all future quakes and after-shock waves.

(Thanks to a coffee shop regular and avid QueenB VD fan for planting the seed for who/what is to blame for the rash of earthquakes in Irving.)

Legal disclaimer and Glossary at: controversialcommittee.blogspot.com