Sunday, December 14, 2014

CCR 12-14-14: Defining Indifference

the   Controversial  Committee   Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”

   Have you purchased your new QueenB VD "Revised Dictionary of Queenly Word Usage?"  This would make a terrific Xmas present for voting family members and friends not familiar with the queenly definition of words.

   The queen’s new revised dictionary is modeled after the old President Bill Clinton dictionary wherein he infamously interpreted, for modern word usage, his revelation of: "It depends on what the meaning of the word of ‘is’ is."  And like Clinton, unless you have QueenB VDs revised dictionary, you will not be able to fathom the real meaning of all her self-centered statements and actions.

   And that, dear readers, is why QueenB VD rushed to have her publication printed and in the malls before the Irving City council meets again in January.  New definitions and language usage will be required immediately for the queen to have her Pet Rocks do her bidding on an issue she failed to have passed. 

   Back Story for QueenB VDs new revised dictionary:  While the queen is still recovering from her shocking defeat, of her sneaky approach to having a total smoking ban ordinance passed by the Irving City council, she immediately went to her Plan B to sate the tremendous ego deflation suffered by the 5-4 vote loss.  Her first phase of Plan B was  to immediately appoint, another or a NEW ad hoc committee, to work on the defeated version of her total smoking ban ordinance.

   The NEW ad hoc smoking-ban-committee replaces the previous ad hoc committee which had already performed the task of re-working the city’s health committee’s draconian ordinance.  But since the results of the old ad hoc committee did not coincide with what the queen demands and dictates, then all of their work and effort was for naught.  

   Added to the demise of the old ad hoc committee’s work was the fact an astute council member was assisting and working to ‘fix’ the ordinance for the best interest of the city.  Of particular note, this dedicated council member was not placed on the NEW ad hoc committee.  (After all, the NEW ad hoc committee could not have anyone smarter than the queen who would work to do what was right for the city.)

   So, even though she lost the smoking ban proposal she submitted, the queen will attempt to stack the NEW ad hoc committee with two Pet Rocks (Farris and LaMorgese) who are know to carrying out every whim, fancy and dictate she utters.  And she hopes these two Pet Rocks, at least, will sway, embarrass or ‘turn’ temporarily-reformed Pet Rock Ward, who is on the committee, back to her queenly gravel collection.

   (Many are surprised QueenB VD hasn’t already issued a "heads off" dictate for Ward’s voting against her total smoking ban ordinance.  The question remains: Will Ward be strong enough to resist the queen’s bullying and continue to do what is in the city’s best interest?)

   Phase two of QueenB VDs Plan B involves publishing her new "Revised Dictionary of Queenly Word Usage" for peons and serfs of the realm.  Since the queen witnessed a considerable, and correctly pointed, amount of flack from audience members speaking in opposition to her total smoking ban (see note below for areas that would suffer or go out of business as a result), QueenB VD wants to make an attempt at placating and wooing back some of the very influential donors and Sugar Daddy contributors to her campaign war chest which felt the sting of her inane actions. 

(Really, do you seem surprised there are ulterior motives to any of the queen’s self-absorbed actions?  Let the queen’s atonement begin!)

   The queen’s new revised dictionary, for her political bullying pulpit, will certainly include new definitions for: patio and Star Trek Chamber.  Here’s what the revised word usage will be for these two words.  (The next queenly revision will define and include new terms for: ‘conflict of interest’ and ‘single source developers’ as dictated by the queen.)

   Patio:  A patio is a patio when the queen dictates it is a patio.  (Sound familiar to Clinton?)  Even if a patio area is currently within twenty-five feet of an ingress/egress point of a restaurant, the area is still considered a patio IF this designated area has removable walls for use during inclement weather or freezing temperatures.  (This is the key  point: Having removable walls will make the area not appear to be an integral and joined part of the entire dining facility requiring separate ventilation, etc.  Think stealth walls hiding an obvious zoning violation…if that will assist in understanding the queen’s fractured logic.)

   Star Trek Chamber: will be defined as a fully enclosed room shaped like a space craft, with a separate ventilation system, to beam all cigar smoke and lascivious conversations into the ionosphere to assist in patching the Ozone layer.  The restaurant model designed would resemble an aeronautical-Fidel Castro’s office sans the ventilation equipment, but stocked with fine Cubans.

   While these two definitions, in the queen’s newly revised dictionary, will assist in her attempted recovery with a couple major campaign donors (DeWitt - $5,707; Gibbons - $17,500.  See CCR 08-08-14  for additional details regarding these and other contributors.), be advised she will have additional instructions, for her Pet Rocks on the NEW ad hoc committee, which need to be addressed.

   These additional instructions to her two Pet Rocks will be an integral part of the queen’s Plan B, and will be designed to punish and commit, to the Tower of Obedience, any individual who sniffs daubers or stamps markings on a BINGO card using a dauber marker.  QueenB VD will also institute a new health warning so individuals realize the perils one finds in a BINGO parlor…and dauber sniffing addiction is not just the only one.

   Individuals who succumb to frequenting Irving’s only BINGO parlor also subject themselves to: Enjoyment, donations to charitable organizations and a chance to win a few bucks to supplement their Social Security checks.  And this is not the type of business QueenB VD wants in her realm.  FACT:  If the activity doesn’t benefit her or the personnel contributing to her campaign fund, than a total ban should be enforced and all the fun loving BINGO heathers should be driven out of the realm.

   Yes, dear readers, there will be many new original words and definitions found in QueenB VDs revised dictionary.  And all subjects of the realm will be required to follow the exact wording or face her full wrath and mane flipping tantrums.  You really do not want to catch the queen’s ire if she happens to be having a possibly bad NPD day…this could be an extremely ugly situation to say the least. 

   As an additional update to the new revised dictionary, the queen has added a new series of royal photo op pictures for the word: Egotist. 

   Check out the photos of the queen’s many adventures while spending your city tax bucks on self-gratification efforts not related to any benefit for the city.

………………………Mark Holbrook 

NOTE:  Smoking ban provisions: Under the queen’s original total smoking ban ordinance proposal, the following would have been included as places were smoking would not be permitted: Cigar smoking at Cool River, outdoor patio dining at The Ranch, restaurants already having designated and approved smoking sections, golfers on the city golf course, visitors to city parks, any indoor area of a retail establishment, BINGO halls, restaurants, bars and sport cafes, shopping malls, enclosed areas of non-residential buildings used as places of employment, and city public parks to just name a few.