Wednesday, January 7, 2015

CCR 01-07-15: Boots Quaking?

the   Controversial  Committee   Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”

   Okay, would everyone take a deep breath.  Relax and pop an anxiety pill.  And curtail the unending posting of shallow earthquake notations and experiences on Twit-er and FaceBook.

   Fact: Irving does not sit on the San Andreas fault line.  Irving is not located in California.

   Sure, Irving is experiencing a rash of minor ground tremors.  Opinions on the actual causes are being batted back and forth with no discernible conclusion apparent.  

   (Rumor has it QueenB VD believes if her tennis center is built on the old Texas Stadium site the tremors will cease.)

   Always wanting to be of service, staff of the CCR hired their own single source developer/scientific consultant to visit the site which appears to be the epicenter of all this activity.  After spending an hour at the site and billing the CCR for $1.6M, plus requiring special roads and drainage improvements for a pet project, here is what is actually causing the Jerry Lee Lewis Whole Lotta’ Shaking Going On-movements in the city:

Summary of Irving Earthquake Activity
  1. The earthquakes are not caused by the freakin’ frackin.’
  2. The earthquakes are not caused by the hole Jerry Jones left at the old Texas Stadium site.
  3. The earthquakes are caused by a low tire on QueenB VDs carriage.  This low tire pressure causes a thumping on the pavement which vibrates the ground as she travels from photo op to photo op.

   You can now resume your daily activities without fear or concern…unless standing on a curb as QueenB VD passes you at the speed of a camera flash.

………………..Mark Holbrook

P.S.  There is no truth to the rumor that New Jersey governor, Chris Christi, jumping up and down in Jerry Jones’ sky box at AT&T stadium had any effect on Irving’s seismology activity. 

Reference: DMN, 01-07-15, Avi Selk