Sunday, April 26, 2015

CCR 04-26-15 Between a Rock and a Hard Place

the   Controversial  Committee   Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”

   Dylan Westie, Executive editor and Part-time Wordsmith for the CCR, just happened to be snoozing under the royal conference table when QueenB VD called an emergency meeting of her "war council." (read: Pet Rocks)

   For the remembering impaired, QueenB VD is at "war" with the local media and anyone who does not fall for or believe her fluffy rhetoric regarding the divisive State HB 562 resolution she and the Pet Rocks passed.

   With his perfect recall, Dylan submitted the following notes and actions the queen was instructing her Pet Rocks to accomplish.  If you find all this frightening, then think what the affairs of the city will be like if all of QueenB VDs dictates transpire.  In her own words: 

(QueenB VD conducting a "war council" meeting with her Pet Rocks)

   QueenB VD:  Listen up you inert masses of volcanic ash.  Early voting starts tomorrow (Monday, April 27th).  And while my chief astrologer might be a tad optimistic, we cannot leave anything to chance.  After all, he once predicted Sarah Palin would be the 2012 US president.

   Even though we know David Palmer and Bill Mahoney would restore my kingdom back to its rightful owners, the citizens of Irving, now is the time to pull out all the stops, double-speak on every negative issue, parse all words, and most of all, make me look good.

   If we are going to keep this city divided over my insistence of supporting the State resolution for HB 562, then you have to persuade voters to think about something pleasant…like my revised style of mane flipping during meetings and Hollywood-ish photo ops.  Don’t allow voters to become distracted with the genuine issues facing the city, or the divisive turmoil you have helped me create.
   Yes, Brad and Tom.  You have questions?

   LaMorgese and Spink: QueenB VD, the peons and serfs are still haranguing us over our vote on the HB 562 State resolution.  We’ve attempted to defend you by stating our actions were to "protect" the US Constitution…only to later change course and spout the vote was about "women’s issues."  The poll on believability of your actions and our vote has dipped to -23 percent.  How can we combat this?  Did you steer us astray by supporting this flaky measure that had nothing to do with Irving?  What can we say to have the voters believe this is a non-issue?  After all, "What difference does it make?"

   QueenB VD:  The answer for anyone who should ask this question is simple…deny, deny and deny again.  Treat the questioner as if they know little or nothing about the resolution that provides no benefit to the city of Irving.  This will also help deflect criticism from Irving’s two state reps, "Bogus-gate Complaint" Anderson and "Squeaky" Rinaldi, who happen to be my best pals in this Tea sippin’ conspiracy.  Remember, this is all about us…not you.

   Spink: Well, QueenB VD, it looks as if the cat is out of the bag.  That Focus Irving survey has shined the light on my ever shifting educational resumé.  It has gotten to the point even I don’t know what my real education background might be.  I’m starting to believe I have a PhD in nuclear physics, but would rather record on brochures or in articles that I’m a retired astronaut who owns a Silicone Valley start-up business selling computer mouse pads to the city.

   QueenB VD:  Stay with the nuclear physics idea Tom.  This will keep folks, who don’t know anything about physics, from asking you any questions.  And since you seldom talk on any of my issues, before voting as I’ve dictated, this will not seem unusual for you.

   LaMorgese:  My campaign fund is running low on bucks.  When can I expect to receive my share of the slush fund monies collected at the Viá Real shindig featuring only "selected and invited guests?"  And do I also get a $250 gift card to buy tacos and burritos from Viá Real like all the other Sugar Daddy donors?

   QueenB VD:  Don’t worry about campaign cash, Brad.  If the money doesn’t come in from this political scam at Viá Real, then my Sugar Daddy donors will take up all the slack once you are re-elected.  After all, they are committed to having the best politicians money can buy.  I mean, look at all the large campaign signs you have planted around the northern part of the city.  You’ll get your share to cover all these expenses.  Believe me!

   LaMorgese and Spink:  The other obstacles on our path to re-election are the ‘meat and potato’ issues where we followed your dictates only to witness public support contrary to our votes.  How can we bury these issues during early voting and prior to election day on May 9th?

   QueenB VD:  What issues are you referring to?

   LaMorgese and Spink:  You know what has happened the past three years: How we voted and protected your single source developers like Hines Reality and OliverMcMillan; provided tax bucks and amenities to some of your cronies for special projects…even those who had a definite ‘conflict of interest;’ our waiting to approve additional fire equipment until this election cycle to make us look like the hero and supporters of the fire department; assisting to push your desire for a Tennis Center on the old Texas Stadium site; watching your total smoking ban, for the city, go up in smoke while your campaign contributors reeled in shock as we attempted to put them out of business; always utilized your talking points on issues you favored to make it appear you were not involved; always pretending we are just one step away from transforming the entire Heritage District by hiring another consultant; helped poke sticks in the spokes of the Entertainment Center developer, ARK; and ensuring your ‘cloak of invisibility’ was on when you met with developers, Sugar Daddy contributors and special interest concerns stating their needs for us to later follow.  Yes, we have been there for you QueenB VD, but we desperately need your help now as we kneel on bended knees.

   QueenB VD:  Listen you sniveling Pet Rocks.  Haven’t I taught you how to merge your ego with delusions of grandeur and tell the serfs and peons exactly what they want to hear?  Go out there and man up these last few days of the campaign.  Distort the truth, evade answering the questions asked, and more importantly, don’t let on that I, along with my Sugar Daddy contributors and special interest concerns, own you, know where you live and will make life miserable if you don’t convince voters to re-elect your sorry posteriors.  And that’s an edict.  My realm depends on your returning to serve my every whim and fancy…without questions.

   And if you think the city was divided, before my actions and your vote on the HB 562, then wait until you see what my Tea sippin’ buddies have planned for me the next two years.  We will own this city.  The citizens will only need to stay at home eating pizza, drinking beer and watching the "Real ex-Housewives of Hackberry Creek" on ICTN.

   Needless to say, Dylan’s report should sober voters who have been swayed by all the fluffy brochures LaMorgese and Spink have mailed…that flooded the city.  And just look at how many large signs those singular $5,000 campaign contributions have purchased for them.

   As staff of the CCR has stated in previous reports, the direction of the city and returning to normalcy and civility cannot occur if LaMorgese and Spink are re-elected.  And that’s a fact!

   This is why voters need to go vote as if their city depended on them…which it does.

   This is why voters should vote to end the stranglehold of ‘super’ campaign contributors (Simon, Ellis, et al), special interest concerns, and favoritism to cronies (especially those with defined ‘conflict of interest’) and single source developers…which now control the council agenda and voting.

   And this is why voters should cast their ballots for David Palmer and Bill Mahoney…to place Irving back on the track to the greatness it so richly deserves. 

…………………………………….Mark Holbrook

Early Voting — April 27 to May 5
Election Day — May 9