Sunday, January 17, 2016

CCR 01-17-16 CHOIR Sings Off Key

the   Controversial  Committee   Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”

    It’s time to take to the bunkers, dear readers.  An attack by CHOIR is eminent and locals should heed the impending confrontation.

   As if there wasn’t enough hate, discontent and Islamophobia being spread across the city by QueenB VD, her Flying Harpy flock and sycophant bloggers, a new group is emerging which will, once again, cause rationale citizens to ask "will Irving ever reach a balance of having good and responsive government that doesn’t cater to single source developers, special interest groups, Red Meat TEA-carnivores, and, in the current situation, the squeaky wheel of a terribly insignificant minority?"

   In Irving, like on the national level, politicos attempt to never touch the "third rail"…the one with all the electrical juice on the mass transit lines which would fry your brain synapses.
   In DC, the third rail is considered to be any legislation regarding Social Security.  Members of Congress are reluctant to do anything about the system unless it involves increasing the level of benefits…which would hopefully garner Geezer votes in the next election cycle.  

   Unlike DC, ‘beautiful downtown Irving’ has three third-rails which local politicos always seem to waiver when addressing.

   If you really want to fill the council chambers for a long evening of debate, inflammatory rhetoric and mindless babble, then place one of the following issues on the city council agenda: alcohol zoning, zoning a church/temple/mosque in a neighborhood and…chickens.

   Yes, chickens!

   Over the years, the city council has attempted to address, restrict and impede good neighbors who like fresh eggs or a feathery alarm clock.
   Every time chickens are on the menu council agenda, the meetings have turned into verbal brawls leaving council members ducking for cover to finally appease the majority (which they should do in most cases) of Irving’s chicken-loving raisers.  The actions most often taken are to: table the item; form another ‘exploratory’ committee; or have staff bury the proposal in their to-do-one-day-after-I-retire pile.

   Regardless of pseudo-chicken perils previously addressed, a revision or proposal to ban, limit or completely do away with all roosters and chickens in residential neighborhoods is currently being fostered on city staff by CHOIR (Chicken Hating Offbeat Irving Residents).  And after listening to the solo performance of the individual, who seems to have a plucking issue with chickens as stated at the January 14 council meeting, the same old song and verses are set to be played again…rather loudly this time.

   Why, even QueenB VD complimented the CHOIR leader on his diligence in apprising the staff and council of his concerns.

   What is the fate of corn loving Irving chickens?  

   There will be an upcoming committee meeting (attended by city staff members and a Chick-fil-A-loving council member or two) on January 28 to address the grievances of CHOIR to determine language for a revision to the city’s current animal code ordinance.  

   Of course, city staff and all CHOIR members do not vote on city ordinances, so the revisions could come forward — just as stringent as those the Health Service committee submitted to end smoking — which would certainly ruffle the feathers of those in Irving who own chickens.  Reminder: One should fear the ruffled feathers of a chicken breeder who owns a rooster whose two ankles have laced razors on them. 

   For Full Disclosure:  A rooster resides a few houses down from the CCR staff.  And frankly, it is refreshing to hear this cock crow when walking down the driveway to pick up the DMN.  The rooster’s cock-a-doodle-doo gives significant meaning to a new sunrise about to break and the fact both of us are breathing to witness this occurrence.

   To ensure Irving’s rooster and chicken owners are well represented at any upcoming public meeting where ordinance revisions will be discussed — before any votes are taken — staff of the CCR has contacted and will fund the consultant services of Norm McDonald, the "new" Colonel Sanders wing man, to speak on behalf of all breast loving, finger licking good, drumstick purveyors of chicken.  Who better to represent Irving’s chicken lovers and owners than Norm?

   Isn’t the time right to finally leave Irving’s rooster and chicken lovers/breeders alone?  Or, will the council hop around scratching in the grit to end Irving’s poultry future?  

   Surely, now is not the time to break out the batter and frying oil to forego supporting all Irving chicken raisers across the city.  Right?  Cluck, cluck?!

   Could we have a little cream gravy with those biscuits?
……………………………………..Mark Holbrook
Sad Note:  In case you missed watching the January 14, 2016, city council meeting, you missed seeing QueenB VD suffer another crumbling of her Pet Rock collection.  In fact, she sustained minor injuries from her "petulant mane flipping" while discussing a Planning and Zoning Commission board appointment.

   The queen, using all of her self-aggrandizing rhetoric, managed to lecture the council, lecture the audience and attempted to lecture the viewing audience with her self-righteous rationale for why her vote was more important than the six who voted against her selection.

   Has anyone else noticed when the queen has to have the last word, it is usually about her self-anointed magnificence?

   Also of sad importance: It appears QueenB VDs collection of Pet Rocks is diminishing.  Only Pet Rocks Ward and, of course, LaMorgese voted as the queen dictated on the P&Z board appointment.  

   And Ward’s flimsy rationale and verbiage — for not following through with what he had originally indicated how his vote might be — was crass, atrocious and certainly did not justify his insipid actions.  LaMorgese, as usual, only spouted the queen’s talking points.

   Since rumor has it Pet Rock Farris will not be running for re-election, he threw caution, this time, to the winds and sided with the saner members of the council to vote against the queen’s choice.

   What made QueenB VDs actions even more humorous was the fact some of her inane rationale sounded similar to campaign rhetoric she promised voters years ago…but never delivered on.  Why is she spouting this now?