Sunday, September 25, 2016

CCR 09-25-16 History Revisited

the   Controversial  Committee   Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”

"History Revisited"

   News Flash: Dylan Westie, Executive editor/Part-time wordsmith and Social Media Troll for the CCR, has again scored a monumental (huge?) matter involving QueenB VD.

   Dylan learned about and then proceeded to "hack" a working transcript of the queen’s soon to be published re-election tome.  The book will be given to all her Red Meat TEA-carnivore sycophants, crony campaign contributors, Flying Harpies and low information supporters.  Signed copies, with selfie photo ops, will also be available at every campaign stop.

   When QueenB VDs supporters read the revised history, correcting her disastrous six-year reign as mayor of Irving, they will have an abundance of new fabricated facts to push, promote and pimp during the campaign.  This will allow everyone to be on the same page as they attempt to gloss over her status as the city’s Standard Bearer WIMP (Worst Irving Mayor Period).

   While QueenB VD contracted noted historian, Ms. Doris Kearns Goodwin, to ghost write her opus of fabrications, she was heavily involved in the editing process.  She provided Ms. Goodwin with an abundance of queenly dictates which required significant revisions for the final edition. 
   (After all, the book has to be about her…not what others perceived or thought she had not accomplished during her tenure.)

   The following detail represents the pertinent areas QueenB VD didn’t want to become part of her political re-election baggage or legacy.  
   (As one might observe, it would take at least fifteen Red Caps to tote the amount of political baggage the queen would have to carry around the campaign trail.) 

   The issues noted in red represent the failed leadership and mismanagement QueenB VDs ghost writer would have to tweak for voter consumption…or gagging:

Ms. Goodwin:  
   The following issues in red must be addressed and revised.  I will review your work to ensure your revisions make me appear to be queenly, self-indulgent and photo op ready!
Signed: QueenB VD

*  QueenB VD dictated, to her Pet Rocks, passing the disingenuous council resolution in support of State HB 562 that caused a fissure in city relations.
   Freedom of religion and sacred beliefs is a hallmark of QueenB VDs persona.  She believes all individuals should be permitted to engage and practice the tenets of their beliefs with complete separation of church and state.
   As a newly convert to the Red Meat TEA-carnivore creed, QueenB VD experienced a vision and apparition of Ted "Flipping Lizard Grin" Cruz, ‘while touring the Capitol at midnight’ on a city funded junket, anointing her to be his sanctuary city apostolate.  She followed these divine inspirations and scriptures of The Chosen Sycophant to shine his bright light of Red Meat TEA-carnivores all over Irving. 

*  State HB 562 provided for gun toting Froot Loops® to parade around an Irving religious institution.
   Always promoting tourism and having folks select Irving as a destination city, QueenB VD utilizes all opportunities to allow individuals to explore what makes Irving very different from its neighboring cities.
   As a recent supporter of the 2nd Amendment, QueenB VD established several ‘teaching moment seminars’ in Irving on how visitors should properly handle their AK-47s and other sidearms when visiting.  These ‘teaching moment seminars’ drew wide local and national coverage for Irving.
   The publicity of QueenB VDs actions and involvement helped create additional star power, photo ops, and notoriety for her and the city by appearances on the Glenn "Bloated Bloviator" Beck’s TV infomercial program…Buy Beck’s Books and Torofeca Now.   (Sad Note: While flipping her mane, the queen accidentally knocked Glenn "Bloated Bloviator" Beck’s tin foil hat off during one of her guest appearances.) 

*  The Froot Loop® prancers also opened the door for visitation by members of a Texas branch of the KKK.
   Wanting to reach out for likely supporters, QueenB VD has always been a strong proponent of the 1st Amendment.     
   Believing in diversity of opinions, QueenB VD wanted the citizens of Irving to realize #WhiteSheetWearerLivesMatter, too.  Her tacit support of these visiting groups and visitors, to the city, allowed them to express their opinion on the remarkable publicity accrued by the queen’s handling of the "clock kid’s" invention intervention.  Many expressed a desire to return to the city for additional enlightenment and events sponsored by the queen in ensuing years.

*  It’s not my petulant attitude of ‘voting NO’ on everything which isn’t according to my dictates or self-interest that’s creating a problem.  The real problem is the other seven (thank you Pet Rock LaMorgese for always being there) dunderheads on the council.  Just look at how they torpedoed my electioneering $0.01 tax rate reduction dictate!
   For six consecutive years, QueenB VD has worked tirelessly for all the citizens of ‘beautiful downtown Irving.’  In Irving, the queen is known as a one person team, as she doesn’t need others to help fulfill her self-interest agenda to brand the city in her image.
   Her efforts and progress have been recognized through the utilization of: Sugar Daddy handlers; campaign contributing cronies; approving tax payer funded infrastructure and abatements for northern developers; economic development tax payer funds for those with a conflict of interest;  and ensuring a single source developer designs the old Texas Stadium site to her regal whims  what she considers best for Irving.
   Yes, QueenB VD always has ‘beautiful downtown Irving’ on her mind…when she doesn’t have herself on her mind.

*  Do the peons of the realm think I can be everywhere all the time?
   QueenB VD has a very busy schedule attending to matters which require her presence.
   Those important matters are prioritized to maximize the queen’s schedule and include: speaking engagements for Red Meat TEA-carnivore organizations, or photo op events to ensure everyone knows she is the mayor of Irving.
   As such, the queen cannot attend: many local Irving charity benefits; chamber of commerce ribbon cuttings for businesses like Bob’s Lawnmower Repair and Bait shop; wasting valuable face/photo op time in her city office signing official city documents; or any settings where there is not a videographer or photographer present. 

Dear QueenB VD:
   If additional Torofeca or spin is required to make your re-election message more palatable for the unwashed peons of your realm, let me know.  I’ll make your final edit corrections before sending the final draft to my new publisher, Crappy Printers, Inc.
   By the way, the title for your magnificent work, that I am considering, is: "I Said It…So It’s True (A Memoir of NPD Achievement)."  Does this title work for you?
Signed: Doris Kearns Goodwin


   Well, dear readers, it just had to happen.  Irving’s proud history — forged by many dedicated, hard working and committed citizens — will forever be altered when QueenB VDs self-aggrandizing publication hits  Her revisionist history of what actually occurred during her disastrous reign will flood the local market.

   The results of such a large first printing, of QueenB VDs facts fabrication tome, will have the same effect as "if you repeat a lie often enough, people will come to believe it." 
   And the really sad part of the book’s publication will be all of the blind and uninformed sycophant followers who will proudly assist the queen in promulgating her Irving fairy tale fantasy of non-achievement.

…………………………………….Mark Holbrook