Sunday, May 28, 2017

CCR 05-28-17 Fore and Phew

the   Controversial  Committee   Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”

“Fore and Phew”

   Taking a short field trip from his ethereal environment, after Bill Herschel won the 2017 Byron Nelson golf tournament, Byron Nelson decided to take a peek at the course where the Salesmanship Club of Dallas will host the pros in 2018 on the Trinity Forest Golf Club in Dallas.
   (The question most asked by many golfers is: Where is the “forest” for Trinity Forest Golf Club?)

   Upon arriving in far south Dallas, Byron was suddenly overtaken by the pungent aroma of methane gas still seeping from the course grounds which were landscaped (snicker) over a Dallas landfill.
   (Well, players could wear breathing mask to overcome this issue for the first few years of the tournament, he mused.)

   However, he quickly checked his GPS to ensure he was not standing at the entrance to the Mohave Desert.  With no trees in sight on the barren and pizza-flat fairways (never trust a round pizza), he figured the delivery of palm trees, for this infertile oasis, must be running behind schedule.

   After spending ten minutes in one spot, he realized he could see the entire course without ever having to walk around, or leave the number one tee box.

   While completely dazed by the course layout and its lack of botanical amenities, Byron figured he would visit the wonderful hotel accommodations and shopping sites near the course which the pros and their spouses might enjoy while in this area of Dallas.  It didn’t take him long to realize there were no amenities, hotels, shopping centers, or restaurants to be found.  And he certainly didn't have a need to visit a pawn shop, auto repair/chop shop, or a quick-lube facility in the area. 

   Wondering how this new course and its location could hold a candle to the 35-year history he had enjoyed in Irving, Byron returned to his ethereal environment and asked the concierge to text the CCR for them to provide either a sane rationale, or conspiracy theory to justify this totally inane tournament move by the Dallas powers-that-be. 

   After all, so many Irving folks had worked tirelessly to ensure each year the Byron Nelson tournament would be more successful than the previous year.  And these individuals had thrived in achieving this goal.  Classy presentations and attention to details was their primary focus.
   (Just review the attendance records and funds earned for the Salesmanship Club of Dallas for the actual numbers.)

   Irving volunteers, ICVB staff, chamber of commerce members, fire and police personnel and many others always provided the best environment and amenities for players, fans, and visitors to the city.  Why would anyone want to lose this, Byron wondered.

   When staff of the CCR received the request to review why the Byron Nelson tournament was leaving Irving, the process took about one hour to arrive at a workable and convoluted conclusion.

   Simply stated, Dallas folks envied the success Irving was having with the tournament and wanted the glow, of positive public relations, to shine on their side of the Trinity River.  And to make this happen required pulling strings.  Also, the channeling of veiled political correctness-ultimatums, to their political minions to make the tournament move back to Dallas, would be necessary.

   Here are some of the probable and highly speculative forces which worked on top of the table and under the sheets to achieve the Byron Nelson moving to south Dallas:

Dallas city council: The move to south Dallas would ingratiate many politicos by demonstrating this sector of the city was at the top of their “economic development” plan for Dallas.  And what better way to make the ‘cash register ring’ in south Dallas than to force folks to find a golf course built over a landfill.  
The mammoth flood of political spin associated with this endeavor, to move the tournament, was also designed to mask all the rotting detritus under the greens and tee boxes of the course and make south Dallas smell good again.    

   AT&T: With their headquarters in downtown Dallas and being the primary sponsor of the golf tournament, AT&Ts influence would be critical for all the politicos and wealthy tournament supporters to push the agenda forward for the move.  For AT&T, appeasing politicos would be just another cost of doing business in downtown Dallas.

SMU: Granting a home course for the SMU student golf team would pacify many prominent alumni who have been extremely active in the tournament and Salesmanship Club over the decades.

Salesmanship Club of Dallas: Being the sole beneficiary of the tournament proceeds, which assist kids through their Momentous Institute, the Salesmanship Club role was to accept whatever the Dallas powers-that-be dictated…no questions asked.
(Reading between the lines, of the full page Salesmanship Club of Dallas’ ad in Irving’s The Rambler newspaper, one might recognize the rue and regret this organization could have over the pending move.)

   Finally, there are many who feel a portion of the directed credit, for the tournament moving, resides within the actions of:

QueenB VD of Irving: The queen’s actions — of shining a negative spotlight on Irving via all her Red Meat TEA-carnivore blathering (with prompting from State legislators Rodney “Recount” Anderson and Matt “Squeaky” Rinaldi); self-promotion political speaking engagements; and failure to realize Irving is more important than her ego — placed Irving on the cusp of being viewed as a less than inclusive city, borderline red neck haven, and the unofficial political arm for spreading partisan political hate and discontent.  Her actions certainly didn’t mesh with all the good the Salesmanship Club of Dallas inspired and accomplished in Irving.  
   And there is no known record available, to the CCR, to indicate the queen was involved in any attempts or interventions to keep the Byron Nelson tournament in Irving.
(Fact: It is extremely hard to perform mayoral duties when the bulk of ones time is spent attending to a self-aggrandizing agenda of seeking a higher political office.) 
   All of the above might be considered significant contributing factors for why Byron Nelson will not be visiting Irving in the foreseeable future.  And, dear readers, this is truly sad.

   Final Note: While it is common knowledge the Byron Nelson - Salesmanship Club of Dallas tournament, sponsored by AT&T, slipped/skipped out of town during ex-QueenB VDs reign, what most folks do not realize is the queen made special, secretive plans, for her low information duffers, to continue to have link and tournament access in ‘beautiful downtown Irving.’

   Coming to Irving in 2018: The First Annual ex-QueenB VD Flying Harpy/Crankie Invitational Pro/Am Golf Tournament.

   While continually voting against the renovations for the city-owned Twin Wells public golf course during her reign, ex-QueenB VD had sycophants secretly trolling to have all the needed repairs and renovations move forward by the council. 

   The inaugural ex-QueenB VD golf tournament will provide much needed recognition and funds to benefit the many nefarious political activities associated with Flying Harpies and Crankies.

   Benefits will be available to: mask the actual funders of paid political ads; ghost writing comments and political materials for sycophants; fund unqualified candidates; support the dying Pet Rock movement; and placate the remaining ‘sock puppet’ on the city council.

   In order to qualify and participate in the queen’s golf tournament, weekend golfers and duffers must forego all rational thinking and join a particularly local, venomous and egregious FaceBook group.  (Name upon request.)

   All will be happy to know ex-QueenB VDs golf tournament will stir the same odoriferous aroma in Irving as the moving of the Byron Nelson tournament to Dallas expelled.  This is due to the queen’s tournament being played on the Twin Wells golf course…which is also landscaped over a landfill. 

……………………………….Mark Holbrook