Glossary of the CCR

Glossary of the CCR
(An incomplete work-in-progress)

ADC    From time to time, staff of the CCR has utilized the support of unique individuals to create a humorous graphic, specific design, or a requested photo for the reports.  These individuals are know to the CCR staff as: individuals of Anonymously Devious Creativity.  The individuals, who wish to remain anonymous, provide creative materials which do what the written words in the CCR cannot achieve…improve the quality of the CCR.  Thanks guys…and gals!

AHD    Under normal circumstances, the endorsement of the Dallas Morning News for Irving’s mayor carries a bit of weight for the campaigner.  However, in their somewhat tepid endorsement of BVD for her second term as mayor of Irving, the endorsement actually recognized and stated what many citizens already knew…BVD is: Aloof, Haughty and Dismissive.  What better fodder to construct another potentially diagnosed personality condition for BVD than AHD?

ARK    The development firm charged with the construction of the Entertainment Center in the Las Colinas urban center.  This is the project B&B (Beth & Brad…not bed and breakfast in this instance) both opposed and voted against, but now champion the tremendous economic development and benefits it should bring to Irving.  Their hypocrisy is often uttered when speaking before the House of Lords, homeowner groups, or chamber of commerce gatherings.   

Annie sez:    Who could forget the folksy play on words former Texas Governor Ann Richards had?  While no match for her witticisms, the CCR did manager to twist and skewer some of her ideas in a fun and satirical way in CCR reports during her reign.  We chuckled, but not sure if many of  her supporters did.

AVI    Most politicos suffer from this tragic disease.  When campaigning, a politico will pledge, promise and surrender their first born to secure a vote.  After being elected, all bets are off and their actions and votes invariably become 180° from their initially stated positions.  There is no known cure for Alzheimer’s Voting Impairment.  Usually, an AVI sufferer is reacting to political expediency on an issue, or to align with a significant campaign donor or special interest that may have tied a string to their voting arm.  And sadly,  Jerry Lewis is out of the fund raising business to assist these afflicted individuals. 

BA    At some point in time, most elected officials will suffer from being Blathering Afflicted.  This condition generally occurs when there is an extremely controversial item on an agenda and the politico attempts to discuss and favor both sides before casting their vote.  In these instances, the politico is wanting to have their cake and eat it without losing any potential voters straying come re-election time.  Current signs point to Irving council member Gerald Farris as suffering severely from this malady.

BBB    Designated acronym for Billy Bob Bucks (Billy Bob Barnett’s $1M+ campaign fund donations) which were used to finance Herbie’s mayoral campaign the first time he ran against BVD.  Never has one given so much to witness so little in return…net zero on Billy Bob’s balance sheet for his spending.

Bogas-gate Complaint   The 2014 State representative race for House District 105 will long be remembered as the time a Nixon-style-gate was opened.  Rodney Anderson’s campaign launched a negative campaign ad against his opponent Susan Motley which fell into the deep abyss of dirty politics.  The ad in question (and a question was used as opposed to actually stating a genuine fact in the ad) basically stated Motley had a conflict of interest due to her supposedly violating the Hatch Act.  And as the bogus political ad stated, she should withdraw from the campaign and be fired.  Fired, no less!  The complaint was not even filed when the ads hit voters mail boxes during the waining days of the campaign.  (This was probably intentional to prevent Motley from being able to respond to the bogus charges in a timely fashion.)  Only after a DMN reporter called this failure of filing to the attention of the Anderson campaign was the actual complain filed.  Of course, the US Office of Special Counsel reviewed the quasi-legal gibberish Anderson and his high price Austin PR flack submitted and the complaint was found without merit in a nano second.  Sadly, the damage to Motley’s campaign had been done which may have been the rationale for the mailing going out before the complaint was actually filed.  Yes, Rodney "Bogus-gate Complaint" Anderson will be Irving’s representative for two years…make that two long years probably due to political skullduggery.  

Bored members    This term is reserved for select members of the Irving ISD board of trustees whose nattering and faulty logic was used to make misdirected points.  While still applicable, the inane grumblings by bored members doesn’t seem to be as frequent as in years past.  The term was a CCR staple when the "church lady" and her devout followers on the bored were attempting to instill ‘values,’ as dictated by the Hard Shells in the district, while her hubby was being indicted by the Dallas County grand jury.

bureauCAT     A paid staff member of a governmental entity.  Unlike a politiCAT, these individuals are paid to kowtow to the whims of elected officials in a competent manner.  Of course, some bureauCATs revert to believing the governmental entity is their personal fiefdom and actually attempt to subvert the will of elected representatives with their own personal agendas.  Irving recently had a classic example of this type of bureauCAT, but saner minds and better times are now on the horizon…if the politiCATs would just let the bureauCATs do the job citizens expect.

BS # ____    These were Blog Spasm reports sent to the readership as a shorter version of the CCR to alert folks, in a timely manner, to an upcoming issue or concern.  The reports were later blended back into the main CCR reports.  (64 BS reports were issued).

BVD    Not underwear, but the actual initials for Beth Van Duyne, current mayor of Irving. 
QueenB VD    Current incarnation of BVD who possibly believes Autocracy beats democracy any day.
QueenB    The shortened form of the above and used mostly in Dylan’s Twit-er postings.
QueenBee    Beware, her sting can wreak havoc and cause anaphylaxis for those not bending over backwards to her demands.
queen    A very short reference, much like her temper, to BVD, current mayor of Irving.

(insert word here) -breath    This term has many uses.  Just insert a word before ‘-breath’ and be amazed at the results.  Examples might include: pulp-breath (newspaper reporters); bologna-breath (what some council members are stuffed with)

Cloak of Invisibility    This magical cloak was ‘lifted’ from the Harry Potter movie set for the exclusive use of QueenB VD.  When she has this cloak on, the general public and non-Pet Rock members of the council cannot not see her place egotistical issues on upcoming agendas, meet with single source developers, or frolic with Sugar Daddy contributors.  The cloak also comes in handy when she accidentally miffs a key supporter by proposing an ordinance which is contrary to the interest of the individual. 

CCR    Just a short way to describe the Controversial Committee Report and save a few carpal tunnel twinges.  The CCR is published by Ringtail Productions Limited with a staff consisting of: Dylan Westie, Mark Holbrook and Mike Howard.  For those keeping score, that’s: one dog, one pseudonym and one frustrated wordsmithing publisher.  The legal disclaimer is located on the blog site. 

CCR blog     This is the Internet site where all CCR reports and Dylan Westie Short List Twit-er e-mailings will be found.  There is even a special banner headline on the blog to click which details Dylan’s faux mayoral campaign.  (If you can translate the Vietnamese newspaper article with his picture, let staff of the CCR know if they were endorsing Dylan for mayor, or if this was a cooking recipe.)  The blog, started in 2010, link is:  The entire Glossary of the CCR will be found on the blog site.

Church Ladies    These ladies were members of the Irving ISD bored of trustees who perceived their ‘soul mission’ in representing the school district was: 1) Keep "Cletus the Fetus" out of the science labs for students to study; 2) Allow the Hard Shells to use school hallways as fertile grounds to propagate a particular religious dogma on unsuspecting students.  The ladies even attempted to replace the district’s legal counsel…until the backlash of their actions spurred community members to flood the bored room in protest.  Lesson learned:  Scores of Hard Shells discovered Jews and other identified-Christian folks believed in the ‘separation of church and state’ and students should not be subjected to other students combing the halls for the proselytism of manipulative minds.

Cool and the Geezer    The "Cool and the Geezer" columns were birthed and appeared in the Internet Herald and ZUG (both Internet relics now), the CCR, The Journal, Las Colinas People, and later in The Irving News.  The columns broached contemporary issues of the day a la Dave Barry meets P. J. O’Rourke…well, almost in that vein.  Of course, "Cool" was the young writer, Phil Harvey, who had a magnificent wit and innate ability to cause one to chuckle or laugh out loud with every penning.  Writing the counter points (with wit being only half a word in his case) for the issue at hand was Mike Howard as the "Geezer."

Councilthingette    The endearing terms (male and female) used to recognize elected members of the Irving city council in the olden days of the CCR.  Since then, staff of the CCR has matured, learned how to use a Thesaurus and only employs names/terms that fully recognize the imbecilic actions of some council members.  Pet Rocks currently comes to mind as the official replacement.

Crankies    The Crankies were/are a political activist group who had their beginnings by attempting to provide a slate of candidates to take over the city council.  While very vocal about conditions, as perceived by their leadership, their entire effort failed…with the exception of electing BVD to the council.  (Some would contend, in light of current city circumstances with QueenB now enthroned, this too might be considered a significant failure on their part.)  To strengthen their resolve and have bundles of cash available for future city council campaigns, the group formed the Irving Voices PAC.  (Some have noted the name could be changed to Cranky Voices PAC.)  Additionally, one of the invested parties of the PAC also has ownership in a north Irving newspaper, The Rambler.

CSF     This acronym was designed to spur individuals to be proactive with issues coming before the council.  While not armed, the Civic Subversive Forces did manage to appear before the council at meetings, write letters (sorry, Al Gore hadn’t invented e-mail at this time) stating their position and pointing out mismanagement or wasteful expenditures being considered.  Sometimes, results were achieved which produce gratifying outcomes for those actually participating in the governmental processes for the first time.

DART    Defacto Area Rancid Transit (the CCRs moniker for the transportation agency) was initiated and utilized to describe the years and years of broken promises to Irving while the transit agency collected millions upon millions to fund Dallas’ transit agendas…as Irving suffered the pains of empty busses rolling around the city.  The skirmish over the funds the city collected reached a peak when Jerry Jones, head toad of the Dallas Cowboys, garnered a few folks in the city to have a referendum to have the city opt out of the transit agency.  Of course, Jones wanted the tax bucks, provided to the transportation agency, to fund his JerryWorld concept which was later built in Arlington.  One t-shirt popular among opponents wanting out of the transit agency was: FART (Forget About Rapid Transit).  

Dylan Westie    Look, Dylan is a West Highland White Terrier (Westie) dog!  Even though he is recognized as the Executive Editor and Part-time Wordsmith for the CCR staff, he cannot type, tweet, talk, or be allowed to perform his favorite pastime…sprinkling on Pet Rocks.  His greatest claim to fame is his faux campaign for Irving mayor which went viral on the Internet and received more publicity than QueenB VDs mayoral campaign.  And he didn’t have to spend any money…compared to the $500K the queen spent to promote her ability to pose in a Hollywood-ish style for photo ops and brochure mailings.  Even today, many individuals still lament Dylan did not get on the ballot for citizens to vote him into office.

Dylan sez: #____    These short wolf-ings from Dylan were a precursor and his ‘faux tweeting’ prior to establishing a genuine twitter account.  Dylan can now can be reached at: Dylan Westie, @dylanwestie1 or e-mail, .

D/FW/AA Really Big and International Airport    In the legal skirmishes with the airport over crosswind runways, the city not only had to battle the airport, but also the NW Irving Chicken Little Society as well.  The battles went on for years and probably marked the beginning of divisive politics in the city…if one doesn’t count all the battles with Hard Shells (which had more to do with religion than airplane noise).  While the city finally settled with the airport, the NW Irving Chicken Little Society soon lost interest and faded into politico limbo.  Update: QueenB VD has been working to secure freebies and other multi-M$$ tax benefits for her chosen single source developer to build new residential housing under the path of a D/FW airport runway. This is contrary to what was achieved and agreed to in the prior settlement agreements with the airport.  And this has caused many to wonder if this is really considered progress or queenly appeasement to a special interest.

ER # ____    These short reports were fashioned to be overheard Elevator Rumblings in the city hall elevator.  Supposed conversations between riders in the elevator, these reports demystified happenings at city hall and allowed CCR readers to gain ‘inside’ knowledge of events.  These rumblings, like the IISD # ___ reports, required an addendum to the CCRs legal disclaimer of: "The ‘candid’ conversation reports have been injected with fabricated nouns, verbs, conjunctions, adverbs, modifiers and maybe a few dangling participles."  The ER reports were later blended back into the CCR reports.  (60 ER reports were issued).

Fact Flinging    While similar to ‘bull slinging’ (2/3 of the word), elected politicos use this method when attempting to make a point without there being rebuttal to disprove what has been stated.  Numbers, percents and data are crammed into and overflowing in their talking points with virtually no verifiable references cited.  This approach, to dominating a discussion, makes it appear their flinger is on the cusp of being all knowing and everyone in opposition to their position should listen to them and take their words as being the Gospel of Exactness.

Flush Report    This was a section of the ’old’ printed versions of the CCR whereby an inane idea, vote or some imbecilic action was being taken by a council or school bored member.  The only safe and environmentally friendly way to address the issue, in a sanitary manner, was to flush the concept down a porcelain latrine with plenty of barbed verbiage.  A picture of a toilet was used to capture the essence of the report.  Ex: "The ballots are in and the consensus of O-CRAP for this month’s winner of the Flush Report is: whoever.  As in, whoever was responsible for appointing Joan Sears to the Renaissance charter school."

Flying Harpy    A misguided follower of BVD possessing the ability to spout talking points and appear knowledgable about any issue or topic they may not even understand.  The harpy diatribes are generally posted on FaceBook accounts, or uttered at city council meetings.  Be aware: Harpy tongues are sharp and their talons can penetrate body armor.  (Harpy was just another ADC reader suggestion.)

Good mayor Herbie
ex-mayor Gears    All names used at various times to identify Herbert Gears who served on the Irving city council, was elected mayor and then, like Icarus, flew too close to a humongous pile of Billy Bob Bucks and ended his political career as a highly singed politico unable to take flight again.

Hard Shells    Designated for those opposed to any form of alcohol being sold or consumed in the city.  The group first materialized when the issue was an attempt to zone a private club (which would serve…wait for it…alcoholic beverages and cocktails for members only) in the old Ramada Inn during the late 1970s.  Later, these protectors of Everyman’s Morals progressed to being involved in several skirmishes and votes in the city for liquor by the drink…which finally passed as the ordinance in the city’s codes today.  Current day prognostication: Look for old shellbacks of this group to reappear when future zoning requests want to pop a cap in restaurants/grills/fountains in the Heritage District of ‘beautiful downtown Irving’… if and when the area actually starts to re-develop.  (BTW: The early 90s is when the CCR first used the term ‘beautiful downtown Irving.’)

House of Commons    A grouping of white- and blue-collar folks, including former elected officials meeting Monday through Saturday at (currently) Danal’s Mexican Restaurant for coffee, breakfast and chatter.  No guest speakers.  No formal agenda.  And certainly, No single person in charge.  In comparing the two groups, there are probably more Geezers in the House of Commons when compared to the House of Lords.  And as everyone knows, Geezers are more politically astute than Young Turks…just ask a Geezer!

House of Lords    Associated with a group of citizens and chamber of commerce business folks who meet on Wednesday of each week at (where else) Las Colinas CC.  Speakers often present a program and any elected official in attendance is allowed to spin their latest achievement…or make something up as to how they are working so hard on behalf of citizens while having their strings pulled by special interest groups, developers, or PACs.

IISD # ____    These short reports purported to be overheard ‘IISD Admin Lunchroom Chatter’ where administrative/staff personnel were having candid conversations while noshing in the district’s lunchroom.  Discussions were related to bored activities, pending policies and the constant inane blathering of bored members as the central themes.  With a recent change in bored direction and membership, the IISD reports were later blended back into CCR reports.  (33 IISD reports were issued.)

Jan Dickson    Many folks never realized that Jan, who was an IISD junior high English teacher, edited the CCR for many years anonymously…prior to her later taking the literary leap to writing her own column for the reports.  As a remarkable and talented lady, who now suffers from Alzheimer, the staff of the CCR will never be able to convey all the respect and admiration we have for her.  The wordsmithing gods are definitely very cruel and unkind!  A short "Ode to Jan’s Red Pen" was posted on the CCR blog on 07-28-13.  (And all the current grammar errors, editing faux pas omissions, and run on sentences are now the sole responsibility of Mark Holbrook.)

John Danish BINGO Game    To make having to listen to Danish pontificate, regurgitate history lessons, crow incessantly about DART, and name-drop Democrat presidents in council work sessions or regular meetings, the John Danish BINGO Game card was produced.  The BINGO game is easy to play and provides hours of enjoyment for an otherwise excruciating lecturing experience being emitted from a Limousine Liberal.  Free BINGO cards are available on the CCRs blog in the July 8, 2014 report.  (The BINGO card was created by an ADC reader.)   

J&HS    This is another of those social/political conditions affecting elected officials, but primarily mayors.  Jekyll & Hyde Syndrome reflects the dual personality of a politico who is nice/polite/agreeable when the cameras are turned on, but a living ogre/snit/egotistical flake in private or a behind a closed door meeting.  The antics of someone suffering from J&HS are difficult to perceive due to those accosted by the Hyde-personality often fail to report the incidents.  However, the trait is noticeable when the Hyde-personality attempts to curtly and dismissively cut off discussions or interrupt speakers due to the speaker not favoring the Jekyll-personality position on the issue.

Limousine Liberal    While this term could apply to any number of folks around town, the CCR has consistently limited the phrase to the Jag/Caddy-driving, overtly verbose and free spender of tax payers bucks for social and ego-satisfying projects, John Danish.  His antics probably have produced more ink than any other politiCAT in the CCRs history.  And citizens can thank him, in his role as Don Quixote attacking the windmills of single-member voting districts — along with his Sancho Panza lance-carrying sidekick, Manuel Benavides — for all the grief, expenditure of tax bucks for legal fees, and the future voting trauma their actions will have on city and school district elections.  On the lighter side, the CCR still chuckles at the campaign slogan coined for the failed attempt…when Danish ran for Irving State Representative, District 106.  Perhaps, no truer words were ever crafted for Danish than: "I’ve got what it takes…to take what you’ve got."

Lubbock Mafia    This was the official CCR name for the individuals who worked together in Lubbock prior to coming to Irving and instituting a failed attempt to redevelop ‘beautiful downtown Irving.’  Membership in this group was limited: the Capo was city manager, Tommy Gonzalez; chamber of commerce president, Chris Wallace, as chief publicity gopher; and Lubbock developer, Delbert McDougal, providing the grease to slide the city into a cycle of mismanagement of public funds.  When all the dust finally settled: Gonzalez moved to El Paso; Wallace retreated to a job in Austin; and McDougal scurried back to Lubbock with a pocket full of city cash.  Irving was, of course, left on the hook with parcels of downtown property purchased at extremely inflated/bloated values to the tune of about $32M with an appraised value of about $8M.

Mane flipping    A condition the current mayor uses to be dismissive, whack non-compliant Pet Rocks, or prepare for a Hollywood-ish style photo op.  Guinness Records is interested in recording an upcoming council work session to see if her mane is flipped more than the entire field of horses at the next Kentucky Derby.

Mark’s Daffynitions    Often used, in older reports, to assist readers to fully understand politicos or their actions.  Examples: Conservative Democrat — an oxymoron for a bank robber without a mask; or, Absent minded — an affliction peculiar to a politician when the truth is at hand.

Mark Holbrook    The pseudonym used in wordsmithing by Mike Howard as it first appeared in columns entitled the "Raging Bull" for The Journal, a newspaper which was published for north Irving and the Las Colinas area.  The Mark Holbrook name was not revealed until his sesquicentennial book, TEXAS Is…, was published in 1986.  Prior to the development of the pseudonym for anonymity purposes (serving on the city council at that time, for instance), the CCR was published under Mike Howard’s name.  The name:  Mark was derived from his being a great fan of Mark Twain’s (Samuel Clemens) writings, and Holbrook from Hal Holbrook who portrayed Twain in stage productions.  

Mastheads    Over the years, the CCR has utilized a short tag line in the masthead of the printed and mailed reports to readers in an effort to spark interest.  These have ranged from: "Between the lines it’s a whole different story" (meaning a bit of thinking was required when reading the reports); "The number of folks who want to spend your money exceeds the amount of money available." (for a spendthrift city council); "Just writing what many of you are thinking." (for timid protestors); "All the news not fit to print in other publications." (stuff even D magazine wouldn’t touch); "First cat kicked in 1984" (this one was incorporated into the legal disclaimer to make way for the tag used currently.)  Current tag: "We don’t raise sacred cows…we just butcher them." (could this be any clearer for the mission statement of the CCR?).

Mayorthang    Many years prior to QueenB, Irving had a mayor who not only decided he wanted to wear a crown of authority, but subject the citizenry to whims and fancies which sated his ego.  Many will remember the reign of Morris Parrish and the terror he brought to city hall and city staff.  It wasn’t a kindly regime, but neither was the mayor with his personal agendas.  His legacy was to have "Be Kind" signs posted all over the city.

Medical conditions    Many of the elected officials in Irving suffer from CCR-diagnosed medical conditions.  While not trained in the medical profession (or the writing profession for that matter), does it really take an astute eye to spot those politiCATs with: inflated egos, bloviated speech patterns, seekers of photo ops, believers of only one solution to a problem…their idea?  For more detailed information on these local politico medical conditions, see: NPD, AHD, PPP, and J&HD.

More "Slick"    President Bill Clinton was a big and easy target for staff of the CCR in the old printed versions.  And when he revealed his infamous cigar smoking techniques, he became a regular feature of the report.  An example of More "Slick": Hillary’s book tour promoting It Takes a Village was so successful, she is starting to write (by herself this time) a sequel based on our life in the White House.  This one will be titled The Village Idiot and she has promised me a feature role.

Mother Superior of Flying Harpies    The lead harpy who controls BVDs agenda, primarily on FaceBook, and stands ready to defend and verbally browbeat those with views opposed to what the queen wants.  Free speech only applies to what this harpy utters or believes…insisting others do not have this freedom to exercise their opinions.  Usually found flying high over KIA, Keep Irving Accountable, she keeps all the other harpies under her wing for pending assaults or verbal dive bombing antics on those not sipping QueenB VDs Kool-Aid which lacks the ingredients of honesty, integrity, transparency and genuine concern for Irving.  Like other harpies, her tongue is forked, but her talons are poison-dipped steel.

NPD    This particular political condition is medically recognized as Narcissistic Personality Disorder and is a valid acronym sprinkled throughout current CCR reports.  And without detailing the eight items used to identify this disorder, just refer to the listed link.  And after reviewing the conditions which define this disorder, can you think of any politico in Irving who could be the poster child for NPD fund raising while wearing a tiara?  Link:  

NW Irving Chicken Little Society    This was the designation for the political faction formed to oppose any possible settlement D/FW/AA Really Big and International Airport proposed regarding the crosswind runway issue in the 1980s.  A couple of the ‘society’ drones were actually elected to the city council by this group, but later discovered the settlement originally proposed by the city to the airport was the best possible alternative for homeowners living in NW Irving.  While vocal and a temporary political force they, like most single issue candidates and movements, soon fell to the wayside…but not before all the legal wrangling went to the Supremes — as in US Court and not the singing group.

O-CRAP    A CCR developed acronym standing for: Ordinary Citizens Revolting Against Politicos.  This acronym was used in reports to rally readers to a particular issue confronting the city council or school bored.  Otherwise, council lemmings and bored members would just swirl around the porcelain latrine in a Flush Report hoping not to be noticed.

PADD    Often times, members of the voting public forget prior inane actions and expenditures of large sums of tax dollars for frivolous projects initiated by city council members.  The politicos like this mental lapse of voter attention, as it allows them to continue in their mismanaged ways.  And this is why politicos contribute large sums to the Politico Attention Deficit Disorder foundation.  Sufferers of this malady make it easy for the politicos to kowtow to their special interest groups, sting pullers and Sugar Daddy contributors, because voters do not remember…or care in some cases.

PPP    This is another of the political maladies affecting some Irving politicos.  When something doesn’t go a particular way for a council member or mayor (maybe because the concept was even wrong to begin with?), the individual will react in a Political Pettiness Personified nature.  This is akin to the school yard bully taking their football and going home.  This is also know to occur when the elected official is ‘out of town’ and misses a humongous photo op session…on purpose.

Pet Rocks    Currently, there is a small number of city council members who will blindly follow QueenB VD on any issue she dictates.  And when listening to their rationale before voting, as the queen has commanded, these individuals sound like parrots with verbal diarrhea spouting talking points.  Citizens should be distraught over the activities of these Pet Rocks, due to the fact they ran on a platform of being ‘independent’ thinkers’ who would listen to the will of the people, and would not be swayed by PAC, special interest or mega-campaign contributors.  Of course, when money or the queen talks, several on the council are all ears for the conversation!  A photo of the queen and her Pet Rocks, in a secret meeting probably violating the OMA, is posted on the 09-19-14 CCR report.  (The photo was the work of another ADC reader.)

Phil Harvey    Phil was the first writing partner and contributor the CCR ever utilized.  While writing one-half of the "Cool and the Geezer" columns, he also penned his own columns in CCR reports for many years.  He is a gifted writer, can handle any topic assigned with ease and is an insatiable forger of word twisting and pun attacks.  Phil was recognized and once received a first place award for column writing by the Texas Community College Journalism Association and numerous accolades from the Texas Intercollegiate Press Association. His trophies are said to buried in a gun safe somewhere on the campus of Brookhaven College in Farmers Branch, Texas, the place where Phil first learned to read.

Photo op    One should always remember to never get between a politico and a camera or TV reporter.  When the politico is flashing their pearly whites, this is akin to money for the voting-bank.  Currently, Irving is blessed/cursed with an egocentric mayor who will: jump out of a plane, have a bucket of water poured over her head, or strike a Hollywood-ish pose at the drop of a hat or click of a camera…that is if she is in town for the occasion.

PGS    This is one CCR invention that almost made it out of the research lab.  Oftentimes, many of the same individuals appear before the city council or school bored to register the same comments meeting after meeting.  While appearing and expressing one’s opinion is a good thing, too much of a good thing can ofter cause elected politicos and audience attendees to utter…oh god, he we go again.  The Political Gadfly Squasher could have eliminated this burden with just one swat.  Much like a fly swatter, but extremely larger, the PGS would clear the council or school bored chambers of pesky gadflies without occurring the wrath of PETH, People for the Ethical Treatment of Humans.   

politiCAT    An elected member of a governmental entity…think primarily Irving city council members for starters.  The ‘CAT’ designation is affixed simply due to the fact the CCR ‘kicks cats.’  This was the basic intent when the reports were first issued and continues today.  However, we have expanded our ‘cat kicking’ wordsmithing efforts to include ‘butchering sacred cows.’

Raging Bull column   The first columns, in any official publication, where Mark Holbrook appeared as a wordsmith.  The columns were first printed in The Journal and later in Las Colinas People which ushered in the era of ‘cat kicking’ and identifying political malfeasance.

Rancid-Burger Principle    This technique is used by politicos to divert questions away from the real issue at hand…in order not to explain or defend a miserable record or position on an issue.  The aroma of a politicos response in these cases is much like a Big Mac which has lingered on an August sidewalk in Texas for two days.  These ‘burgers’ are generally served at open forums where voters ask candidates questions on issues relative to the city.  Modern day application of this term would be called: Spin. 

Shallow Contemplations    These tidbits in the CCR were meant to overshadow Deep Thoughts which was a humorous and poignant SNL segment.  Nowadays, these gems of wit (yes, this is just half the word!) have been replaced with: Dylan’s Ruff-ings on his Twit-er page.  Example: The saddest crop failure imaginable is a fantasy seed that fails to germinate and mature to fruition.

SDD    A politico who suffers from a Spending Deficit Disorder never realizes the money they are committing is not theirs, but belongs to tax payers.  While their pet projects receive funding, tax payers are often left in a lurch as to how the mismanagement of these spendthrifts can go without serious questioning or debate.  It is a fair assumption that these individuals, in their personal lives, save string and collect aluminum cans to be thrifty with their funds, but have few qualms about spending other’s money…also known as OPM (Other Peoples Money).  Additionally, an SDD individual will pad and max out a reimbursement voucher for any city trip, as they only want to stay in the best hotels and dine on food their palates only taste when someone else is picking up the tab. 

SPANK   This acronym was used in a "Cool and the Geezer" report (June, 1995) to resolve the issue of spanking children.  Shamelessly Paddle All Naughty Kids received praise from a majority of readers, but was panned by the younger sect who may have been recipients of good parental involvement.

Spinmeister    Name used for former mayor Morris Parrish, especially doing the early years of the city funding DART and dealing with empty busses running all over town.  His greatest claim to ‘fame’ was having city maintenance workers construct and erect "Be Kind" signs for distribution throughout the city.  For an individual who seemed to be politically kind only to his dog, the signs were the chuckle of his tenure…as he often failed to exhibit kindness.

Stephen Day    This was the assumed name Phil Harvey used, early on, to avoid his employer knowing he was writing for the CCR.  Later when the "Cool and the Geezer" columns took off, he shed the pseudonym and used his real name for all "Cool and the Geezer" and CCR columns.  A unique writer who can spin a word or phrase guaranteed to make one snicker or flash a grin.

Sugar Daddy    While a politico could have and entertain more than one Sugar Daddy at a time, the term is best used to describe someone who contributes, or bundles large sums of money for a politico’s campaign.  A Sugar Daddy is sometimes confused with being the Bag Man for a politico’s campaign.  (In some cases, the Bag Man works for the Sugar Daddy and merely muscles the bucks out of potential contributors.)  However, either term is acceptable, since the outcome is generally the same…the politico will have some major strings attached to their voting arm resulting from all the bucks the Sugar Daddy stuffs into their campaign coffers.

STP    Subliminal Truth Pills were developed in the CCRs testing lab and given to each council member prior to a meeting.  While the pills served the same purpose as today’s Torofeca Filter, their use was more enjoyable.  A politico would make a statement regarding an issue and when the period was placed on their comments, their voice would then change to a helium-high pitch and the actual truth was uncontrollably blurted out.  All council members needed at this time was a set of Mickey Mouse ears to make the meetings even more hilarious.

the O-file    These reports were posted to the CCR blog and e-mailed to a select group of CCR readers…those who would appreciate a conservative ‘cat kicking’ of a highly ineffective Democrat president.  The reports were designed to inform what was "inside the president’s mind documenting what he really wan’t saying."  Most of the information for these reports was leaked to the CCR staff from Mr. T, the president’s TelePrompter, who was the actual brain trust for all his scripted remarks and actions. 

the Unamouth    While a political foil at the time, this verbose individual was a frequent visitor at city council meetings.  The CCR was in the process of developing a PGS in an attempt to spare the citizenry all the outbursts this individual created.  Times change and we now agree there actually was a ballpark for some of her right-wing field rants when she verbally exploded at a microphone.  As a show of newfound kindness and understanding, we’ll not print her name.  As a current reader of the reports, she has even agreed with some of the opinions posted recently.  And we appreciate that!

Torofeca filter    Torofeca is what most politicos spread on the public with great abandon.  A torofeca filter can assist the public in determining what a politico is really saying.  The new iTorofeca Filter is digital, WiFi adaptable, and has a photo app installed.  While not recognized by Webster’s or Google, the CCRs polite and family friendly definition of Torofeca is:  Toro = Spanish for bull; feca = feces.  Do we really need to connect the words for you?

Tower of Obedience    This is the facility where QueenB VD (Irving’s mayor) sends dissidents, Pet Rocks who do not follow her prescribes and city staff members failing to bow when she enters the room.  While the individuals serving time in the tower are not water-boarded, they probably wish that they were.  The queen’s punishments are harsh, severe and carried out under the direction of her Mother Superior of Flying Harpies.  Individuals being detained have been known to be: kept off of city committee assignments; threatened to have a vote cast against their special agenda item; or forces marshaled to run against them in a city election.  These punishments are in addition to her being haughty, aloof and dismissive.

Trojan Barbie    This tag was once used to identify BVD when she first ran and served on the Irving city council. Her ‘stealth and negative’ maneuvers, promoted by her Kool-Aid sipping fellow Crankies, were designed, at this time, to covertly take over seats on the city council.  Their initial plan failed miserably and only BVD was elected from the slate.  Of course, her negative attitude for any proposal that was not her idea didn’t help the group’s cause.  Later, she went on a year’s hiatus only to later resurface as the mane flipping QueenB VD…ready for all photo ops with her negativity and ego still firmly in tow.

Verbal Visceral-ating    This activity involves the use of snarky remarks, cutting off conversations, and actual finger pointing during one-on-one browbeating sessions by an elected official on a colleague and is akin to ‘scraping a hog.’  The individual utilizes this form of attack with a verbal-Ka-bar knife when the colleague has failed to support, vote, or advance the agenda of the person providing the verbal knifing.  Often done out of view of cameras or other elected politicos, the individual’s actions are meant to demean and assure the colleague that they have total control and power to make their political existence a living nightmare…which is rarely the case.  See Queen Bee for another example of the potent side effects these types of political tantrums produce.

Whale Rider    This is probably the most misunderstood term ever used in a CCR report.  "Whale Rider" is a movie wherein a young Maori girl must ride a whale to become the leader of her tribe.  She does this in a very inspiring way.  (Good flick, check it out.)  When first used in the CCR to identify the campaign activities of Linda Harper-Brown, staff of the CCR was severally browbeaten and chastised for alluding to, in their opinion, her weight.  WRONG!  Whales in politics are the individuals who contribute large sums of money to campaigns with the expectation of having issues resolved in their favor.  As was demonstrated over many years in the reports, she collected mega-PAC and mega-Special Interest bucks which finally concluded with the Texas Ethics Commission fining her for campaign finance irregularities.  Harper-Brown did ride the donor whales of "easy money" during her entire political career in the Texas legislature.  Ergo: Whale Rider fit Harper-Brown to perfection.  We could state ‘we told you so,’ to all the critics, for all the years her shady finances were documented and presented in CCR reports, but staff of the CCR does not suffer from PPP.

Word Churning    While most politicos just love the sound of their own voice, some also suffer from feeling the need to dominate meetings with enough verbosity to stretch what should have been an hour meeting into three hours.  These individuals have to comment on each and every point made by other meeting attendees.  Additionally, the individual manages to ask enough redundant questions, seeking ‘clarification,’ on information they should have learned in "Ned’s First Grade Reader."  In one meeting, these individuals will churn more gratuitous words than the churners of:  I Can’t Believe It Isn’t Butter.®

ZAP # ___   The ZAP reports were short epistles designed to alert CCR readers to an upcoming or inane action council or school bored members were taking, considering, or proposing.  (149 ZAPs were issued prior to being folded back into the CCR reports.)