Sunday, May 26, 2013

CCR 05-26-13: Batter Down?

the   Controversial  Committee   Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”

    The CCR staff learns something new every day.  Who realized Dylan, Executive Editor and Part-time Wordsmith for the CCR, was personal friends with the legendary Yankee great, Yogi Berra?  

   To capitalize on Yogi’s infinite ability to explain an event with prose designed to make any English teacher gasp (like Mrs. Dickson probably does with each of these unedited reports), we asked Dylan to give Yogi a call and find out what was actually going on in the city council Place 2 runoff election scheduled for June 15, 2013.  Here’s what we think we understood Yogi to say.

Dylan:  Hey Yogi, this is Dylan.  Can you give me your thoughts on the Irving city council runoff election?  Sorry to bother you on such short notice, but I have a publishing deadline to meet this week.

   Yogi:  No problem, Dylan.  My first impression of the Place 2 runoff is that “this is like deja vu all over again.”  If you were to put a pair of gold-plated, gem encrusted, horn rim glasses on Meagher, you could blink and believe you were looking at ex-mayor Gears.  It’s almost like, in some personal aspects, they were twins separated at birth.  Guess Meagher never understood that “if you can’t imitate him, don’t copy him.”

Dylan:  Will this hamper Meagher in the runoff election or improve his appeal with apathetic fans?

   Yogi:  Look real close, Dylan, and you will see that Meagher’s re-election team has the same basic starting line up as when Gears lost his re-election bid for mayor.  You’ve got the same leadoff hitters with the officially unofficial political arm of the Irving chamber of commerce, Irving Issues PAC, spearheaded by the Martinez Duo (Jill and Robert) promoting/publishing/politicking for Meagher.  Then, there is another PAC that was recently formed, Focus Irving, and on deck to help spread bucks and the political Kool-Aid to fans.  And of course, batting clean up are all the special interest folks (Cotton, et al) with a dugout brimming with players funneling money and endorsements anxious for a swing at their specific concerns.

Dylan:  I see what you mean.  How many PACs and special interest groups does it take to buy knock a runoff election out of the park?  Didn’t Meagher consider the history of the last mayor’s series and understand that fans are a bit tired that the chamber of commerce, obscene campaign donations, and special interests are attempting to buy run all the bases at city hall?

   Yogi:  Dylan, you need to remember just one thing about politics and that is “you can observe a lot by watching.”  And if you watch where Meagher’s campaign money may come from, then you might observe where his future swing votes could go.  And this being an Irving ballgame “the future ain’t what it used to be.”  After all, “a nickel isn’t worth a dime today.”  And that’s why these folks aren’t pitching just dimes to keep Meagher’s team uniform cleaned and pressed since it got sullied during his rookie years on the city council.

Dylan:  This has been, as usual Yogi, very insightful.  After the election, Meagher might want to adopt another of your truisms in that “he made a wrong mistake” by attempting to advance from the HB League (as in Has Been) back to the majors.  This could be the time when Irving fans remember all his previous stats and what it was like when he partied and played his first time around.  And truly, it would be deja vu all over again for him to return to the plate.  Thanks Yogi.  I’m off to see if the fans will be offering Kensley Stewart a first round draft choice to fill the Place 2 slot on the council team for this runoff game.  Take care.

   Yogi:  No problem kid and kindest regards to you too, Dylan.  Come on up and visit sometime.  You know how to get here. “When you come to the fork in the road...take it.”