Monday, June 3, 2013

ER #59: Sign on the Line

City Hall Elevator Rumblings  #59

Rider #1:  I’m about to pull all my hair out by the roots.  If I get one more phone call from a vendor wanting to know when his bid, which has already been approved by the council, is signed by the mayor, I’ll scream!  Are you having the same problem in your department?  Are your legal items running several weeks behind from the time the council has approved them until when the mayor finally decides to sign them?

Rider #2:  If you only knew!  Try to start implementing a council approved contract when it hasn’t even been signed by the mayor.  Doesn’t Van Duyne realize she is not only hampering our ability to do our jobs, but to provide service to those doing business with the city?  Her lackadaisical attitude not only verges on gross incompetence, but is costing some businesses big bucks.

Rider #1:  Maybe we just don’t understand her priorities.  Do you think if we stacked the documents on a table and told her there was going to be a ‘photo shoot’ at city hall, she needed to be in, that this would get her down here?  I don’t think she has ever been late for a photo op or chamber ribbon cutting since becoming mayor.

Rider #2:  If that doesn’t work, then maybe we could have the council designate the Four Seasons Resort as a city hall annex.  She seems to be there a lot and has not missed an appointment or been late for one at that establishment.  Maybe we could have cocktails serviced in the mayor’s office.  This would provide her with an environment she is accustomed to while signing all the required city documents.

Rider #1:  I would mention our problem to a member of the council, but I’m afraid it would only provoke her to dig her heels in and be even later in signing these legal instruments.  You know how she likes to believe that whatever she does is not only right, but that if you question her then you might as well be prepared for some severe blowback...political or professional.

Rider #2:  I think I’m going to start giving her cell phone number to all vendors and contractors who have been waiting patiently for her to sign the city documents required by her as mayor.  And if that doesn’t work, then I’ll send an anonymous letter to Eric Celeste at CultureMap Dallas or Glenn Hunter at D Magazine.  That would surely spark her attention.  You know how she hates negative publicity!

Rider #1:  And as a last resort, we could ask J. Ralph to pay her for each document she signs.  You know how she responds to any request he has.  This would also require her to file a federal tax return as officially being in his employ.

A note from counsel: These “candid” elevator conversations have been injected with fabricated nouns, verbs, adjectives, conjunctions, adverbs, modifiers and maybe a few dangling participles….Mark Holbrook