Thursday, August 8, 2013

ZAP! #133: Green Chatter

ZAP! #133

     It’s time for some good news!  And the CCR has just the perfect Rx.  

     To assist in stabilizing the current council deliberations on everything from the Entertainment Center to resurrecting the Heritage District, ensure the general public is informed of all the hidden agendas secreted by the mayor or city manager, and provide citizen’s with credible information regarding all activities at city hall, the CCR, in conjunction with an advocacy group, is going to assist in forming a PAC.

     And no, you cannot join, contribute, or send your personal ‘strings’ to attach and pull council member’s arms when it is time for them to vote for your special interest issue.  While other PACs seem to do that, this one will not.  This will be a very exclusive PAC.  And some might even reflect that it will be the ‘greenest’ PAC in the country.  But not ‘green’ like the PACs that fund council races, peddle influence or cause sporting ducats to magically appear under your front door mat.

     For many moons, readers of the CCR and ordinary folks wandering around beautiful downtown Irving have often remarked that this part of the city is still going to the dogs.  Sure, there has been at least 73 Master Plans prepared.  Probably 138 consultants have been hired and tasked to determine how to ‘fix’ the Heritage District area and restore its ‘grandeur’.  Council members have voted time after time to fund a consultant’s gravy train...that eventually leads to Nowhereville.  (That’s why there is only a caboose in Heritage Park...the gravy money train has long departed.)

     And what has been achieved?  That’s right: Griff’s Hamburgers, MacDonalds hamburgers and the Post Office moving.

     The only ones calling this progress might be the consultants hired by the city council.  Starting today, all this changes.  Today, the Parrot PAC of South Irving is officially open and ready to do business for citizens.  Especially those living in the southern portion of the city.

     What?  Never heard of the Parrot PAC of South Irving?  Staff of the CCR is not surprised.  When city leaders speak of demographics, voting blocks and carving an election district better than a Thanksgiving turkey, there has always been one distinct population omitted...the green parrots of south Irving.  Yes, green parrots are taking over south Irving.  And the time is ripe for these south Irving birdbrains to have a voice at city hall.

     FACT:  Currently, a rather large flock of green parrots lives in humongous nests built on the Oncor transmission towers on Parkside Drive...about a block east of Story Road.  Considering the number of parrots living in these nest and the size of the flock, this avian group represents Irving’s newest minority group.  And the Parrot PAC of South Irving now plans to have their squawks heard at city hall.

     When Dylan, Executive Editor and Part-time Wordsmith for the CCR, last visited the Groom Shop (across the street from green parrot headquarters), the chatter was intense.  And the funny part was that the parrots had better communication skills than some members of the current council.  They speak in short, distinct sentences.  They don’t ramble on and on like some council members who think that the more they say the better folks might believe they actually know what they are talking about. 

     More importantly, the parrots have no pockets for folks to stuff campaign contributions in to secure votes on special interest items.

     With all this in mind, the CCR volunteered to prepare and file the PAC paperwork for their leader, P. W. Cracker, who has difficulty holding a pencil.  He will also be the designated ‘green’ speaker at all future city council meetings.

     After forming the Parrot PAC of South Irving, P. W. Cracker plans to issue a ‘strategic’ plan that will assist in holding the council and city manager accountable for: lower taxes, lower water and sewer rates, improved pot hole repairs, an understandable city budget, performance indicators for any consultant hired, fewer Baldrige commercials on how much money the city has saved...but never seen, weaning the chamber off the city dole, and a new avian sanctuary in south Irving.  Just simple birdbrained solutions to simple problems will be the platform of this new advocacy group.  

     And if the Parrot PAC of South Irving agenda is not met by the city council, then it should be known that the CCR is not responsible for the ensuing damage, problems, or flash mobs when the entire flock flies over council member’s homes, automobiles, swimming pools, or Texas Wild tennis matches to ‘drop’ their displeasure.

………………….Mark Holbrook

[Ed. note:  Under the guidelines of the CCRs full disclosure policy, this report was penned under the heavy influence of prescribed medications.  And we’re so happy.]