Wednesday, August 28, 2013

ZAP! #138: The "Green" Hole

ZAP! #138

     Finally, the city hall bureaucrats who brought you the solar powered “green” street lights on Irving Boulevard -- that do little to illuminate the street or work when there is more than two days of cloud cover -- have another super “green” project destined to eclipse the shoddiness of that ill conceived street-light decision.  

     Yes, dear readers, the city manger, struggling to have as many brick and mortar projects and fluffy awards on his resume as possible (before departing for other pastures) embarked on constructing a new downtown library.  Forget that the current library was serviceable...maybe it just wasn’t green or politically correct enough to suit the needs of an egocentric city manager.

     The new library was touted as one that was going to be ‘state of the art,’ equipped with enough bells and whistles that you could think of a book to read and it would automatically be at the check out desk upon entering the library.  

     However, there seems to be one minor, nagging problem with the construction phase of this project.  The library basement not only leaches water like a sieve from unknown sources, but it could quite possibly become a major sink hole.  How’s that for a construction project utilizing your tax bucks?  Irving could have its own sink hole!  Let’s see Dallas, Arlington or Frisco steal this from Irving.

     Think of the possibilities of having a sink hole in the Heritage District.  Tourism certainly would increase in the old downtown area.  New construction would boom on the city owned property that tax payers forked over ($51+ million) for the McDougalville folly.  And the sink hole could be the ultimate disposal site for the city manager to finally be rid of: the $4 million in unexplained Entertainment Center expenses approved by “unnamed city employees”; front door mats previously used for sporting ducats being dropped off; and all the deleted BlackBerry information that never saw the light of day. 

     Before another inane decision is made by the city manager or council as to how to handle this wet, muddy and costly library basement problem, the city council should direct the ICVB to develop a marketing plan to promote Irving’s sink hole.  This could be the ‘lemonade’ solution for all the lemons picked that should have been recognized before the first spade of dirt was turned on this project.

     To assist the ICVB, the CCR offers the following tourism slogan for their use: “Visit Irving’s ConstrtuctionRunAmokProject Sink Hole...where even Jimmy Hoffa would like to reside.”  Bet you will swell with pride when the chamber of commerce has this emblazoned on all DART busses, trains and the LasColinas APT cars.

     Also, to fully utilize the sink hole’s tourism draw, the plans for the library need to immediately be altered.  The library should be built over the sink hole with the first level having a glass floor.  Visitors to the library could walk around the first floor and watch as the sink hole is ‘fed’ each day to appease the gods of fiscal mismanagement.

     Research from the city manager’s office reflects that sink holes are particularly fond of gorging on: inflated city budgets; grumpy, complaining tax payers; individuals who cross the Lubbock Mafia; retread politicos who want back in the game; citizens that Code Enforcement did not taser or arrest; and those pesky speakers who seem to materialize at each and every city council meeting.

     A call or brief note to your city council representative or the city manager will go a long way to let them know that the “Irving ConstructionRunAmokProject Sink Hole” is just another beam of pride shining down on beautiful downtown Irving.  And when the city receives (or buys) an award for this endeavor, it should be placed next to the Baldrige Award.

……………...Mark Holbrook