Tuesday, March 4, 2014

CCR 03-04-14: Cooking With ex-Mayor Herbie

the   Controversial  Committee   Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”

     For those who do not know, Terry Waldrum dropped out of the Irving mayoral race.  And this is sad, because the CCR will no longer be able to publish the entire Irving Mayoral Candidates Cookbook Triolgy.  The initially proposed set will now be a two-fer...with no refunds if you paid in advance for all three volumes.  (Isn’t this the way politicos do it...take your money and deliver nothing but rhetoric?) 

     Moving along, staff of the CCR has received the second and final volume of the mayoral candidate cookbook series.  Written by ex-Mayor Herbie, his tome is entitle: “Herbie’s Herbal Dough.”  (The Harpy Hash recipe in mayor BVDs book was detailed 3-3-14 in the CCR.)

     After reviewing Herbie’s culinary opus, staff of the CCR never realized how many different ways a politico could make dough...and maybe not just the bakery kind.  However, there was one recipe in his book which stood out among all the others.  Of course, not everyone will be able to execute this recipe due to the difficulty in acquiring one of the more exotic ‘herbs’ necessary to complete the recipe.  Give it a shot though.  Who knows.  You could end up on the Irving city council if enough voters swallow the crumbs given to them should you manage to bake a batch. 

     Here are the necessary ingredients and instructions for making Common Folk Bread as detailed while ex-Mayor Herbie was wearing his designer cooking apron from K&G Fashion Superstore.

Common Folk Bread
(Charity Recipe for South Irving PADD* sufferers)

200 lbs.  North Irving flour
1 tbs   Political arrogance (measure carefully, as it can cause uncontrolled cat fights to break out)
80 dz.   Half-cracked BB/LCG/EC-eggs
2 gal.  Stolichnaya Vodka to enhance and speed the yeast rising process
1M  (that’s a million) ‘green-yeast’ bars pulverized into fine flour-like powder
10 cups  Whisked liquid ego
1  Pirogue paddle 

Directions:  Mix flour and eggs together; add vodka and all the other ingredients except the ‘green-yeast’ powder; have a south Irving PADD sufferer use the paddle to vigorously stir the mixture before adding the exotic ‘green-yeast’ herb.  Once the dough has risen, kneaded and is ready, place in greased-skids baking pans shaped like $$ signs.  Place baking pans in the oven at 345° for 30-minutes.  Once baked, trim all the extra crusty edges off the pans and serve these morsels to south Irving PADD sufferers.  Deliver the pristine, whole loaves to all the north Irving special interest dough-nors who provided the ‘green-yeast‘ for the recipe. 

     This recipe is difficult to make considering the time, preparation and ingredients required.  However, the finished loaves have a shelf life of three years, so one batch will stretch a long way to nourish and become a staple for the providers of the elusive ingredient…‘green-yeast.’  

     Besides, voting trend charts have demonstrated Common Folk Bread-crumbs actually appeal to south Irving PADD sufferers who don’t complain about anything...especially when it appears to be free.

………………………..Mark Holbrook 

Note:  PADD is commonly recognized by the CCR as -- Political Attention Deficit Disorder.