the Controversial Committee Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”
What’s a Geezer to do? Better yet, whom is a Geezer to trust or believe? The Irving mayoral battle lines have been drawn and Geezers seem to be in the crosshairs of both candidates. (And it would be safe to say that both mayoral candidates have itchy trigger fingers...pointed at each other.)
In the battle of slick, fluffy, political brochures for mayor, mayor BVD states that Herbie basically taxed Geezers to the poor house along with other irrelevant personal comments inserted...which were not germane to the issue at hand. Of course, doesn’t mayor BVD have to attack her opponent, since she has no real record of personal accomplishments to hang her sceptre on? (Note: Questionable chamber of commerce ‘talking points’ are not official achievements to stuff a political brochure with.) However, if one considers the number of photo ops she has amassed over her three-year reign, then a Guinness record should be awarded and noted by her for inclusion in her mailings!
Meanwhile, x-mayor Herbie has rolled out his plans to eliminate property taxes for Irving Geezers. Actually, there are two different tax avoidance plans on the table, but critics seem to blend them together and blather that this action is directed towards gullible, nearly senile and uncomprehending Geezers who do not have the ability to read, study, or make cogent decisions. (Maybe it’s these folks who need a mental astuteness test and not the Geezers.) Regardless, there is no offense committed if accurate, not puffy, verifiable information is presented. Each Geezer will have to decide if this is of tangible benefit for any of their future financial planning needs.
If ever there was a time when the adage “figures don’t lie, liars figure” needs to be reviewed, then this mayoral campaign might be a case study for future politicos. However, the actual Lesson Learned from this campaign, other than truth seems to be a flexible concept, is: “Don’t debate the issues, attack the personality of your opponent to keep your record (or lack thereof) out of the public domain.” And one side of this mayoral campaign already appears to be the front runner in this activity via social media.
This is what the Irving electorate has been treated to this political season. Only in Irving where politics seems to be hard ball and most comments are registered by a few soft headed, misinformed misanthropes who want to dominate the conversation.
At the pace this mayoral campaign is going, voters shouldn’t be surprised if NATO sends in troops to quell the political uprising and prevent a possible juntá by one of the candidates on election day. To be safe, Geezers would be wise to observe the following potential voting maladies:
Geezer Mayoral Election Hints
Investment Advice: Buy short on Vitriol -- With the amount of Vitriol being spewed by mayor BVDs flock of Flying Harpies and Vacuous Ogres on FaceBook, the supply will be scarce after May 10th when these creatures return to their Caves of Vapidness.
Medical Alert: The Surgeon General, along with the Department of Health and Human Services, is advising all of mayor BVDs FaceBook flock of Flying Harpies and Vacuous Ogres that ObamaCare will no longer cover frontal lobotomy procedures after May 10th. For the few that have not had this procedure, time is running short. However, there will still be funds available for Pet Rock care and coverage should the need warrant.
Listen Up: Should one still hear the screeching of mayor BVDs flock of FaceBook Flying Harpies and Vacuous Ogres ringing in their ears after election day, the city’s Health Department can provide ear plugs, featuring tidal surge sounds, to overcome this problem within a matter of days. (Nothing like the sound of a tide surging while working the daily crossword puzzle.)
Bleeding Eyes: If experiencing bleeding eye problems from reading political ads in The Rambler, as sponsored by the Acerbic Voices PAC, then have your primary care physician prescribe daily applications of Systane eye gel to remove all the D-2 (dirt and dung) stirred up which caused and created this condition. Your eyes should be clear by May 10th.
As a remind to readers, staff of the CCR has not endorsed, recommended or suggested a mayoral candidate to vote for in the upcoming election. Our sentiments still reside with Dylan Westie’s inability to be on the mayoral ballot. Such talent was wasted by mere bureaucratic regulations...we believe.
However, it is now fortunate Dylan is not involved in the current mayoral campaign and having to deal with mayor BVDs FaceBook flock of Flying Harpies and Vacuous Ogres, or other egregious and condescending political mailings strewn throughout the city. Dylan’s pristine white fur would be permanently stained beyond recognition if he had to jump in the pit with all these vipers.
Luckily, many Geezers do not know or use FaceBook. Some think this might be a tome found only in the public library.
Secondly, if Dylan was a true political animal, he would be ‘testing the waters’ to see which mayoral candidate would have the best offer for his “paw” endorsement. After all, his brief candidacy and recognition did gain world-wide notice (and maybe a recipe for cooking in Viet Nam) without the benefit of Flying Harpies, Vacuous Ogres, highly paid PR consultants, a campaign finance ‘Sugar Daddy,’ or an unquenchable yen for photo ops!
Thankfully, Dylan is above reproach, in these regards, and will continue to observe the less than honest measures -- utilized by some candidates to befuddle voters by dropping D-2 all over the city -- with his CCR wordsmithing on the sidelines while munching on BaconBits.