Wednesday, April 23, 2014

CCR 04-23-14: Position Vacancy

the   Controversial  Committee   Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”

     In order for the city of Irving to meet future needs, as desired by its citizenry, a job notice was created by the staff of the CCR for voter’s consideration.  Hopefully, the applicant pool will contain an individual with the following qualifications who will be available for some voters to endorse to their friends and neighbors.

     If you know a potential applicant, who has all these qualifications, be sure to have them apply for the position before the May 10th deadline.  Your endorsement for their securing the job just might be the key to their being hired...or maybe not!  (Just remember Linda Harper-Brown’s recent experience.) 

Position Open:  Mayor, City of Irving
( Desired Characteristics and Traits )

Aloof --  Necessary for the individual to remain distant to ensure citizens do not believe that their ideas, proposals and concerns should be addressed, considered, or that they even have merit...unless they happen to mingle in north Irving social circles.

Haughty --  Must be able to demonstrate that the eliteness of living in north Irving and previous Ivy league experiences outshine the hillbilly-blue-collar-traits found in the balance of the city...especially south of Highway 183.

Uncooperative --  Individual will realize that being mayor is a one-man woman-band performance and all other council members just provide sour notes, unnecessary distractions and confusion similar to Pet Rocks rolling down a hill.

Dismissive --  Related to and a key element of being uncooperative, the individual must not have any reservations of ruling from the council dais with a snooty attitude designed primarily to achieve personal goals or ego inflation. 

Unifier --  Must be able to assemble a social media flock of Flying Harpies and Vacuous Ogres who will: Poison the well of intellectual honesty; Browbeat and denigrate any and all with opposing viewpoints by their shrieking long and loud from a ‘talking points bible’ of questionable stats and facts.    

Additional Considerations -- Individual must demonstrate they have mastered all seven steps of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD - DSM-IV-TR) creed; Outer dermis must be as tough as a rhino’s hide in order to withstand the never ending flashes of daily photo ops; Mane should be long enough to dismissively strike constituents while ignoring or walking away from their ‘tedious’ blathering; A campaign Sugar Daddy to ensure all financial whims and fancies associated with political office are met with regal pomp and circumstance; and a wardrobe that includes a cloak of non-transparency to wear when meeting with developers and others seeking concessions from the city.

     Staff of the CCR realizes this might be a tall order to identify an individual, who has all of these qualifications, but judging from past city elections, the probability does seem likely.  The only remaining question could be: Does Irving really deserve to endorse a mayoral candidate with these attributes and qualifications?

………………………….Mark Holbrook