Saturday, January 31, 2015

CCR 01-31-15: Bone to Pick

the   Controversial  Committee   Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”

   "It’s shocking.  Totally embarrassing.  A blemish on my fine reputation!"
    Needless to say, Dylan Westie, Executive Editor and Part-time Wordsmith for the CCR minced no words.  He was outraged and a bit miffed over the use, depiction and acknowledgement by QueenB VD at her State of the Realm (sponsored by the chamber of commerce) blab fest this week.

   The audacity of using his image to draw a few chuckles from the audience to basically hide her rather dismal record as mayor speaks volumes to the character and personality of the queen, he informed the publisher of the CCR.

   To always make everything about her, QueenB VD told the (lesser than usual number of attendees) crowd that one of the highlights of the year was the campaign when Dylan ran against her for mayor.  What?

   How could that be a highlight for her?  She spent probably $500,000 on a campaign promoting herself and Dylan spent zip.  Her political coverage barely made ripples across the Trinity River.  Whereas, Dylan’s efforts went viral on the Internet with TV footage, articles and pictures all the way from Irving to Viet Nam.  And he didn’t require any Rx scripts for NPD.

   * Note: For those not familiar with one of the grandest political farces the city has witnessed in years, click on the following link for an abbreviated listing of TV coverage and articles documenting Dylan’s "almost mayor" campaign.  (Or, Google: Dylan Westie)

   Dylan was so upset over QueenB VDs unauthorized use of his furry personality in her blustering, he pawed a few tweets on his Twit-er account while she was besmirching his image with her highly scripted remarks.  His thoughts regarding the queen and her shabby piggybacking on his leash, to promote herself, left little doubt of his feelings.  Dylan noted on @dylanwestie1:

* Over/Under for QueenBs (Irving mayor) use of "I" in her State of the Realm blather tonight = 63. Record: Obama in India at 118 times in 33 min. NPD rules!

* Over/Under for QueenBs (Irving mayor) flipping of her mane during State of the Realm gab fest is 57. Her record is 32 for her last (photo op) quake meeting.

* Is QueenB (Irving mayor) really open minded on oil/gas issues of Irving quakes due to main mentor, contributor & benefactor (being) in the industry?

* Over/Under number folks exercising thumbs & texting (as payback) during QueenBs (Irving mayor) State of the Realm blathering is 413. Nice!

   Currently, Dylan is pursuing all avenues for legal recourse.  If libel and slander do not pan out for a large settlement, he will shift direction to an iron clad charge: Inhumane Treatment of Animals.  Dylan believes QueenB VD needs to be taught a lesson (other than the city has gone to the dogs under her leadership) for this travesty of usurping his good character…and a costly one for her not representing the fact he is, at least, an AKC registered son-of-a-bitch.  Does QueenB VD have any registration papers?

   And be assured, Dylan has already reached out to PETA, DFW-SPCA and the Irving Animal Shelter for support.  Those organizations have informed the CCR their residents are anxiously wagging their tails, snarling and ready to chomp a hunk out of QueenB VDs glamor posing posterior.  

   In fact, a group of West Highland White Terriers recently staged a protest on Shumard Oak in the Hackberry Creek area.  Sadly, they were all issued citations for illegal dumping!

   Want to assist Dylan?  Join the recently formed PAC to monitor and sniff out political chicanery, single source developers, Sugar Daddy contributors, ethics-waiving cronies and a tennis center on the old Texas Stadium site.  Attacking each of those issues will demonstrate paw power is a political force to assist in making ‘beautiful downtown Irving’ the city it should be. 

   The political action committee is known as the Woof PAC.  Register today and take a bite out of political malfeasance at the drop of a few bacon flavored Beggin’ Strips®.  Membership is free and even provides full health coverage against Flying Harpy injuries.

………………………..Mark Holbrook
   Note:  For those who prefer accurate, detailed and informative information regarding the State of the Realm address by QueenB VD, see: DMN, 01-31-15, Avi Selk, at the following link:

(This report is dedicated to Stuart)