Wednesday, January 21, 2015

CCR 01-21-15: Wee-Wee Zone

the   Controversial  Committee   Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”

   Staff of the CCR would like to apologize for the following report.  Some slower readers are not paying close enough attention, attending meetings, or reading the newspaper.

   For the benefit of those literary slackers, we’ll once again take time to translate and explain what was obvious to those knowing what is going on in ‘beautiful downtown Irving.’

   QueenB VD held her second Town Hall Queenly Dictate Forum to capture additional photo ops, press coverage and TV exposure.  While the subject on everyone’s mind was the rash of earthquakes rumbling across the city, it appears the queen had other devious plans afoot.  And those plans were probably unknown to her Pet Rock collection.

   Just in case the Pet Rocks did not realize they were once again being sandbagged by QueenB VD, the CCR will state: You’ve been sandbagged and conned again.  

   You see, it appears the queen reached into her cheap LouieV® political trick bag to seek having Pet Rocks change their thoughts on the smoking ban ordinance revisions currently being solidified.  The ordinance will be coming back to the council fairly soon and surely will not be what the queen originally dictated.

   What will it take for some of the Pet Rocks to realize they are continually being used, abused and having their intelligence insulted by the queen?  Do they not have enough machismo to stand up and holler: "This is Torofeca and I’m not going to step in it again!" 

   Yes, there was a contingency of red T-shirted folks at the queen’s meeting attempting to put pressure on the Pet Rocks to have them realize the error of their ways if they didn’t support QueenB VDs total ban on smoking in Irving.

   And the fact this ‘group’ was in attendance raises several more questions one would like to have answered:
  • Was the gathering coordinated by the queen’s Royal Scribe or Mother Superior of Flying Harpies?
  • Who initiated the invitation to attend this meeting?
  • Who paid for the T-shirts?
  • What communications did the queen have with the leadership of this gathering before the meeting?
  • Would the sign-in sheet reflect the majority of these individuals do not even live in Irving?
  • Does Irving really need outside agitators, loyal to the queen, to help run the city?

   And all this brings us to the explanation for slower readers of CCR reports.  The following tweet was sent out this morning.  The basis for the tweet was QueenB VD, once again, attempting to channel Rosie O’Donnell by pounding non-believers with her unhumorous funny bone while she played and flipped her mane to the audience and cameras.
TO:  CCR Tweet-less 
Here’s what you recently missed by not following
Dylan Westie  @DylanWestie1  on Twit-er.
Guess that wasn't rain on QueenBs (Irving mayor) parade at last evenings town hall. Her humor is akin to (her) ability to run the city...all wet!

Her comment and justification for why there should be a total smoking ban in Irving was:

BVD:  “This grosses people out, but it’s just like having a public pool with a no-peeing section,” the mayor quipped.

   (BTW: This is the second known time the CCR has heard the queen attempt humor with this lame comment regarding her total smoking ban ordinance.  Perhaps, it is time to fire the Royal Jester and hire another comedy writer with more contemporary material.  Who knows, she might even progress to utilizing decent fart jokes!)

   Regardless, there was a very astute member of the audience whose retort of the queen’s view of a total smoking ban drove the point into the pool. His comment had to be the best put down of a queenly uttering in recent memory.  To wit:

LN:  “People urinate in pools; that’s why they have chlorine systems,” (Larry) Nobriga said after waiting in line for the microphone. “And you know, you don’t have to swim there.”

   Thank you Mr. Nobriga.  Let’s hope the Pet Rocks haven’t been so chipped around the edges that they can fully understand the deeper meaning of your remark.  Your point was well taken that peeing on cigarette butts is no way to fashion a city smoking ordinance.  (Ergo, queen’s parade was called due to foul watering.)

   Also, it was truly amazing the majority in attendance did not realize QueenB VD probably wanted the entire earthquake meeting to be about the smoking ban ordinance and not what they had come to the Irving Arts Center to discuss.  

   As a result, they were treated to the queen’s analogy of peeing on cigarette butts to prevent smoking in the city!

   Had most in attendance known the queen’s ulterior agenda, they probably would have stayed home and watched a "Honey Boo-Boo Eats a Box of Twinkies®" rerun.

   But wait.  The queen attempted to save the day by passing out her cure and panacea for preventing Irving’s earthquake problem.  She ensured each attendee received a copy of the city’s "Drop, Cover, and Hold On" flyer.  Did this make everyone sleep well when their beds rattled later that evening?

   Historical Consideration:  For those who lived, or even remember the 50s, this is the same basic message USA kids were indoctrinated with to save them from a USSR nuclear bomb.  Drills were held.  Kids were traumatized.  And political scars regarding Russians were permanently carved from this slogan.

   Well, the 50s flyers and drills must have worked.  No kids of this generation died from a nuclear explosion!

   With this in mind, the city’s flyers should be amended to: "Drop, Cover, Move Over…QueenBs carriage is coming."  Wouldn’t that save a new generation of potential voters by having them leap out of the way of unadulterated political scheming and grandstanding?

………………………….Mark Holbrook 

   Note: For a more detailed and factual account of the 2nd Queenly Dictate Forum, see the DMN article by Avi Selk, 01-21-15 on the following link: