Thursday, August 13, 2015

CCR 08-13-15 Lights, Camera...Mane Flip

the   Controversial  Committee   Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”

   Have you purchased your tickets for the "1st Annual QueenB VD YouTube and DMN Shunning Festival Marathon?"  

   The queen has determined and believes the Dallas Morning News is totally useless for her media needs of self-promotion.  And for this reason, she is hosting a festival to showcase all her YouTube videos.  Yes, her self-promotion videos!  On YouTube…no less.  

   Those videos, coupled with her Red Meat TEA-carnivore speaking gigs, local photo ops and divisive actions on the city council, will increase her exposure with all the low information voters of the realm…her people.

   The tickets for the event are selling fast, so don’t tarry.  Buy now.  Buy in bulk.

   The festival’s goal is to raise $250,000 in pseudo-charitable contributions for a disease so near and dear to QueenB VDs heartNPD* (Narcissistic Personality Disorder).  And the funds raised will go to support her and maybe the tireless work and research in finding a cure for NPD.  (Curing this  dreaded disease will go a long way to improve the quality of life for all Irving citizens.)

   The queen has already lined up some significant sponsors to assist in raising bucks, awareness and reaching her goal.  Signing on with their checkbooks: Irving Opportunity Council with a pledge of $45,000 in "dark money" funds; Benevolent Order of Sugar Daddy Donors for $50,000; the Texas Red Meat Gazette chunked in $12,000 plus three front page pics and articles written by the queen; and the Single Providers for City Development served her a $25,000 Grand Slam donation and constructed a new tennis court in her backyard.

   (While the Dallas Morning News might not pay for interviews or donate to ‘for profit’ pseudo-charitable events, they just might provide a free coupon for a Sonic Blast, if the queen would agreed to sit down and have a frank, truthful, and no spin interview with Irving’s reporter of record.  Since she is on a "leave of absence" from reading the DMN, this opportunity would at least allow Irving citizens to have an unvarnished report on why she spends more time on the Red Meat TEA-carnivore speaking circuit babbling falsehoods and untruths…as opposed to attending to and addressing Irving’s needs.) 

   The queen’s YouTube video festivities will run all day with a screening, on an outdoor IMAX 3-D screen, of QueenB VDs epic collection.  The showing starts at dusk at runs until midnight.

   (Be sure to take notes on the queen’s video where she castigates the DMN editorial board, Irving reporter of record and a DMN columnist.  Spoiler alert: the end of this video shows QueenB VD re-enacting a 60s movement event by burning her DMN subscription renewal notice and chanting — "Hell no,  I won’t go read." 

   For those not familiar with QueenB VDs YouTube video collection, she has been posting videos, some even seven years old, of all her proudest moments while prancing around town going from photo op to photo op.  While serving as queen, the collection has grown even larger.  And the volume of her videos sparked the need to showcase her perceived magnificence to peons of the realm…and maybe make a few bucks in the process.

   The queen’s video compilation-screening will certainly highlight the following: Cutting the "welcome to Irving" ribbon for the new Barney’s Beer Barn; all her babbling State of the Realm addresses; candid conversations while sipping TEA and blathering biased remarks in other cities; old campaign videos where she promises to be transparent, above board and serve the realm with her version of ethical reform; and her infamous ice bucket challenge where even cold water couldn’t prevent a good mane flip. 

   As a family event, your kids will enjoy all the queenly games set up to assist in their awareness of the perils of NPD and how the queen needs their support and future vote.  

   Chuckle as your kids learn to play "Epithet Babbling" against groups and people they don’t know, like, or understand.  Watch as the youngsters compete in a "Red Meat Chunking" contest to see who can score the most disingenuous points.  And be amazed as each tyke attempts to outdo their peers in the scary game of "Fear Mongering for Fools."  

   Of course, the queen’s remaining Pet Rocks will be on hand to face paint "TEA" on all the little rug rats, and her Flying Harpies will provide free rides over the city identifying locations where they have buzzed and bashed peons who have disagreed with any queenly dictate.

   (Due to recently imposed FAA flight restrictions, the queen’s Flying Harpies are not allowed to fly over the DMN headquarters building.)

   Of course, the queen will be on hand all day to hand out prizes to game winners and to pose with each child in a photo op.  (Parents: If you want your kid’s photo with the queen signed, it will cost an additional $25.)

   Now is the time to show your support for those suffering with NPD.  Now is the time to let QueenB VD know you understand what makes her tick.  And now is the time to open your billfold to help promote the queen to a higher level of incompetence.

   Remember the old new adage: NPD is a terrible thing to waste have when governing.

……………………………………………….Mark Holbrook

* NOTE: For those now learning about this dreaded disease, which can cripple an entire community and cause a stagnation of progress, here are the recognized symptoms, as identified and characterized by the DSM-IV-TR, for those suffering with NPD(The following is not satire or humor.  These are real and recognized symptoms and traits of NPD.)
  • Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements.)
  • Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
  • Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).
  • Requires excessive admiration.
  • Has a sense of entitlement, ie., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.
  • Is inter-personally exploitative, ie., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends.
  • Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
  • Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.
  • Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.