Sunday, September 30, 2012

ER #48: Responsibility Quake

City Hall Elevator Rumblings  #48

Rider #1:  Wow!  Did you feel the quake Saturday night where you live?  At first, I thought a jet airplane had crashed in my back yard.  Even the dog was taken aback by all the tremendous noise, shaking and movement.

Rider #2:  I know what you mean.  It just about threw me out of my La-Z-Boy while I was watching “Cajun Pawn Stars” on TV.  There is only one problem that locals are not aware of regarding this violent movement of the earth in Irving.  It was not caused by Mother Nature!  Seismologist had predicted Thursday that a quake would hit Saturday with the epicenter being city hall.  However, a majority of the city council chose to keep the public unaware of this upcoming event.

Rider #1:  What do you mean?  Are you suggesting that there was a cover up to hide the real cause of the quake? 

Rider #2:  That’s right.  The seismic shift of the tectonic financial-plates at city hall was caused by the council’s 6-3 vote of the city manager’s 2012-13 budget.  This created the massive tremors felt throughout the city.  (Voting in opposition to the budget: Santoscoy, Gallaway and Putnam.)  After all, this is the first time in decades that a manager’s budget has not been approved by a 9-0 vote.  The 3.4 Richter scale reading of this quake places the city manager’s budget in the “no confidence” zone for local disasters.  And those voting in opposition could see the crumbling of the budget’s financial plates. 

Rider #1:  Now it all makes sense.  The signs were there for a severe financial quake: the Quandry Quartet (Cannaday. Santoscoy, Gallaway and Webb) attempting to reinstate $410,000 into the gravy train budget for the chamber of commerce to lease a Cowboys Stadium suite; the manager’s 7-Stigma ability of hiding bucks and transferring funds between departments for pet projects; the sudden loss of important data from a BlackBerry; the barren $57 million McDougalville land in the old downtown area; the inability of a $161,000/year ‘grants writer’ to seek federal funding for all the new earthquake damage; wondering if the “unnamed city employees” responsible for $4 million in questionable Entertainment Center expenditures are buried in the rubble with Jimmy Hoffa; conducting ‘special interest’ meetings with selected council members when not playing tennis; and discovering sporting venue tickets popping up under his front door mat.

Rider #2:  Just remember.  When the aftershocks of this quake hit during the upcoming council elections, those who have been a part of the protective cone shielding the city manager from responsibility will need to justify his salary, benefits and performance in light of all the financial devastation left behind by the rumble that shook Irving on September 29, 2012.

A note from counsel: These “candid” elevator conversations have been injected with fabricated nouns, verbs, adjectives, conjunctions, adverbs, modifiers and maybe a few dangling participles….Mark Holbrook