Friday, October 3, 2014

CCR 10-03-14: Defining Lesson

the   Controversial  Committee   Report
“We don’t raise sacred cows...we just butcher them.”

      It’s time to catch our breath and bring a host of new readers and followers of the CCR up-to-date.  With the use of all this technology (e-mail for all the reports), blog site (for reference and trolling by newer readers), and Dylan’s Twitter account (for timely ‘cat kicking’), some folks might believe chunks of the reports to be either cryptic, or (god forbid) incoherent to a normal reader.  What?

     With this in mind and to even ensure our slower readers — plus those who move their lips when reading — are all on the same page of understanding, staff of the CCR has compiled a glossary of past and present acronyms, names and issues utilized and sprinkled throughout the reports…since 1984.  The Glossary of the CCR will also assist in celebrating the production of the reports for the past 30-years.

Glossary of the CCR
(An incomplete work-in-progress)

ADC    From time to time, staff of the CCR has utilized the support of unique individuals to create a humorous graphic, specific design, or a requested photo for the reports.  These individuals are know to the CCR staff as: individuals of Anonymously Devious Creativity.  The individuals, who wish to remain anonymous, provide creative materials which do what the written words in the CCR cannot achieve…improve the quality of the CCR.  Thanks guys…and gals!

AHD    Under normal circumstances, the endorsement of the Dallas Morning News for Irving’s mayor carries a bit of weight for the campaigner.  However, in their somewhat tepid endorsement of BVD for her second term as mayor of Irving, the endorsement actually recognized and stated what many citizens already knew…BVD is: Aloof, Haughty and Dismissive.  What better fodder to construct another potentially diagnosed personality condition for BVD than AHD?

ARK    The development firm charged with the construction of the Entertainment Center in the Las Colinas urban center.  This is the project B&B (Beth & Brad…not bed and breakfast in this instance) both opposed and voted against, but now champion the tremendous economic development and benefits it should bring to Irving.  Their hypocrisy is often uttered when speaking before the House of Lords, homeowner groups, or chamber of commerce gatherings.   

Annie sez:    Who could forget the folksy play on words former Texas Governor Ann Richards had?  While no match for her witticisms, the CCR did manager to twist and skewer some of her ideas in a fun and satirical way in CCR reports during her reign.  We chuckled, but not sure if many of  her supporters did.

AVI    Most politicos suffer from this tragic disease.  When campaigning, a politico will pledge, promise and surrender their first born to secure a vote.  After being elected, all bets are off and their actions and votes invariably become 180° from their initially stated positions.  There is no known cure for Alzheimer’s Voting Impairment.  Usually, an AVI sufferer is reacting to political expediency on an issue, or to align with a significant campaign donor or special interest that may have tied a string to their voting arm.  And sadly,  Jerry Lewis is out of the fund raising business to assist these afflicted individuals. 

BA    At some point in time, most elected officials will suffer from being Blathering Afflicted.  This condition generally occurs when there is an extremely controversial item on an agenda and the politico attempts to discuss and favor both sides before casting their vote.  In these instances, the politico is wanting to have their cake and eat it without losing any potential voters straying come re-election time.  Current signs point to Irving council member Gerald Farris as suffering severely from this malady.

BBB    Designated acronym for Billy Bob Bucks (Billy Bob Barnett’s $1M+ campaign fund donations) which were used to finance Herbie’s mayoral campaign the first time he ran against BVD.  Never has one given so much to witness so little in return…net zero on Billy Bob’s balance sheet for his spending.

Bored members    This term is reserved for select members of the Irving ISD board of trustees whose nattering and faulty logic was used to make misdirected points.  While still applicable, the inane grumblings by bored members doesn’t seem to be as frequent as in years past.  The term was a CCR staple when the Church Lady and her devout followers on the bored were attempting to instill ‘values,’ as dictated by the Hard Shells in the district, while her hubby was being indicted by the Dallas County grand jury.

bureauCAT     A paid staff member of a governmental entity.  Unlike a politiCAT, these individuals are paid to kowtow to the whims of elected officials in a competent manner.  Of course, some bureauCATs revert to believing the governmental entity is their personal fiefdom and actually attempt to subvert the will of elected representatives with their own personal agendas.  Irving recently had a classic example of this type of bureauCAT, but saner minds and better times are now on the horizon…if the politiCATs would just let the bureauCATs do the job citizens expect.

BS # ____    These were Blog Spasm reports sent to the readership as a shorter version of the CCR to alert folks, in a timely manner, to an upcoming issue or concern.  The reports were later blended back into the main CCR reports.  (64 BS reports were issued.)

BVD    Not underwear, but the actual initials for Beth Van Duyne, current mayor of Irving. 
QueenB VD    Current incarnation of BVD who possibly believes Autocracy beats democracy any day.
QueenB    The shortened form of the above and used mostly in Dylan’s Twit-er postings.
QueenBee    Beware, her sting can wreck havoc and cause anaphylaxis for those not bending over backwards to her demands.
queen    A very short reference, much like her temper, to BVD, current mayor of Irving.

(insert word here) -breath    This term has many uses.  Just insert a word before ‘-breath’ and be amazed at the results.  Examples might include: pulp-breath (newspaper reporters); bologna-breath (what some council members are stuffed with)

CCR    Just a short way to describe the Controversial Committee Report and save a few carpal tunnel twinges.  The CCR is published by Ringtail Productions Limited with a staff consisting of: Dylan Westie, Mark Holbrook and Mike Howard.  For those keeping score, that’s: one dog, one pseudonym and one frustrated wordsmithing publisher.  The legal disclaimer is located on the blog site. 

CCR blog     This is the Internet site where all CCR reports and Dylan Westie Short List Twit-er e-mailings will be found.  There is even a special banner headline on the blog to click which details Dylan’s faux mayoral campaign.  (If you can translate the Vietnamese newspaper article with his picture, let staff of the CCR know if they were endorsing Dylan for mayor, or if this was a cooking recipe.)  The blog, started in 2010, link is:  The entire Glossary of the CCR will be found on the blog site.

Church Ladies    These ladies were members of the Irving ISD bored of trustees who perceived their ‘soul mission’ in representing the school district was: 1) Keep "Cletus the Fetus" out of the science labs for students to study; 2) Allow the Hard Shells to use school hallways as fertile grounds to propagate a particular religious dogma on unsuspecting students.  The ladies even attempted to replace the district’s legal counsel…until the backlash of their actions spurred community members to flood the bored room in protest.  Lesson learned:  Scores of Hard Shells discovered Jews and other identified-Christian folks believed in the ‘separation of church and state’ and students should not be subjected to other students combing the halls for the proselytism of manipulative minds.

Cool and the Geezer    The "Cool and the Geezer" columns were birthed and appeared in the Internet Herald and ZUG (both Internet relics now), the CCR, The Journal, Las Colinas People, and later in The Irving News.  The columns broached contemporary issues of the day a la Dave Barry meets P. J. O’Rourke…well, almost in that vein.  Of course, "Cool" was the young writer, Phil Harvey, who had a magnificent wit and innate ability to cause one to chuckle or laugh out loud with every penning.  Writing the counter points (with wit being only half a word in his case) for the issue at hand was Mike Howard as the "Geezer."

Councilthingette    The endearing terms (male and female) used to recognize elected members of the Irving city council in the olden days of the CCR.  Since then, staff of the CCR has matured, learned how to use a Thesaurus and only employs names/terms that fully recognize the imbecilic actions of some council members.  Pet Rocks currently comes to mind as the official replacement.

Crankies    The Crankies were/are a political activist group who had their beginnings by attempting to provide a slate of candidates to take over the city council.  While very vocal about conditions, as perceived by their leadership, their entire effort failed…with the exception of electing BVD to the council.  (Some would contend, in light of current city circumstances with QueenB now enthroned, this too might be considered a significant failure on their part.)  To strengthen their resolve and have bundles of cash available for future city council campaigns, the group formed the Irving Voices PAC.  (Some have noted the name could be changed to Cranky Voices PAC.)  Additionally, one of the invested parties of the PAC also has ownership in a north Irving newspaper, The Rambler.

CSF     This acronym was designed to spur individuals to be proactive with issues coming before the council.  While not armed, the Civic Subversive Forces did manage to appear before the council at meetings, write letters (sorry, Al Gore hadn’t invented e-mail at this time) stating their position and pointing out mismanagement or wasteful expenditures being considered.  Sometimes, results were achieved which produce gratifying outcomes for those actually participating in the governmental processes for the first time.

DART    Defacto Area Rancid Transit (the CCRs moniker for the transportation agency) was initiated and utilized to describe the years and years of broken promises to Irving while the transit agency collected millions upon millions to fund Dallas’ transit agendas…as Irving suffered the pains of empty busses rolling around the city.  The skirmish over the funds the city collected reached a peak when Jerry Jones, head toad of the Dallas Cowboys, garnered a few folks in the city to have a referendum to have the city opt out of the transit agency.  Of course, Jones wanted the tax bucks, provided to the transportation agency, to fund his JerryWorld concept which was later built in Arlington.  One t-shirt popular among opponents wanting out of the transit agency was: FART (Forget About Rapid Transit).  

Dylan Westie    Look, Dylan is a West Highland White Terrier (Westie) dog!  Even though he is recognized as the Executive Editor and Part-time Wordsmith for the CCR staff, he cannot type, tweet, talk, or be allowed to perform his favorite pastime…sprinkling on Pet Rocks.  His greatest claim to fame is his faux campaign for Irving mayor which went viral on the Internet and received more publicity than QueenB VDs mayoral campaign.  And he didn’t have to spend any money…compared to the $500K the queen spent to promote her ability to pose in a Hollywood-ish style for photo ops and brochure mailings.  Even today, many individuals still lament Dylan did not get on the ballot for citizens to vote him into office.
(  Due to the length of the glossary, the entire document is not included with this report.  The complete Glossary of the CCR is posted on the CCRs blog site located at:
   When going to the blog site, click on: "Glossary of the CCR" as noted in the "Snips & Clips" section above the legal disclaimer.
   As there are over 6,300 written words in the glossary, your iPhone will thank us later for informing you in this manner.   MH )

     With the CCR blog now cranking out 1,800-2,000 page views/month and a consistent mailing list, staff of the CCR is pleased with folks assisting in spreading the word.  Attacking the windmills of governmental mismanagement, cronyism, and wasteful spending by elected officials cannot be a solo task.

     The only way to make government more responsible to the people is to make the individuals running the government more responsible to the people.  Please, no amens necessary!

……………………Mark Holbrook